December 2009 Entries
If you catch me on a bad day, you might hear me tell a friend I don’t think marriage is going to happen for me. I battle the stigma of being 43 and never married. Surely something must be wrong with me. I’m too immature, too self absorbed, too unattractive—or some combination of the three.
I met Carrie, a divorced mother of four, about six years ago in a Sunday school class I taught for women. As I began to learn about her heart for God, a deep connection formed between us that has continued to this day. Carrie has a powerful testimony for singles in that, for the past several years, she’s been “doing it God’s way” by embracing the “nos” along the way, seeing them as divine appointments for her good, not excessive restrictions.
One of my favorite things to do each December is to read two or three books from my “to be read” stack. Yeah, the month is always filled with lots of activities, but I still find I have more down time at night than during most of the rest of the year. Small groups at church usually go on hiatus; television shows are in re-runs for the most part; and I purposely choose to just slow down to enjoy the season.
It happens every year. Seas of lonely singles and hurting people find that the holidays only magnify their pain and feelings of isolation, like tearing the scab off an unhealed wound. While families and couples gather in plain view for festive togetherness and merry-making memories, the ache for many left out in the cold is vast and raw. If you are one of the hurting masses, what can possibly soothe the pain of the dreaded holidays?
I can't tell you how many times I've had that conversation with a woman over the years after she got into my car. I've always had this fear of being like one of the guys from her past--the type of guy who just charges ahead without taking her wants and desires into account. But it's deeper than that. I didn't want to be another guy on her jerk list, so I became ultra-nice guy.