Sex and the Lie of Secrecy

It goes something like this: “Nobody has to know. I can go on as if this didn’t happen and I will soon be able to put it behind me.”

 

I remember trying to maintain this lie in my past, from moderate inappropriate behavior with men, to more serious offenses. But I soon found that it was about as successful as crashing my car and pretending it didn’t happen. The difference is that, with a car, you can’t hide the damage. But when it comes to a head on collision with sexual sin, the damages and injuries are largely unseen, so we try to walk away and convince ourselves we are unscathed.

 

This happened to someone in the Bible once, too. Nobody would have expected such scandalous behavior (adultery and murder to try to cover it up) from this otherwise upstanding, church-going, communion serving, Sunday school class teaching believer. King David thought he could walk away from the accident and hide the damage, but that didn’t happen.

 

A prophet of the Lord came to David and told him a seemingly true story of a terrible injustice in the kingdom. The object of the injustice was something near to David’s heart—a man’s pet lamb (read the story in 2 Samuel 12:7-14). David was incensed by the wrongdoing and wanted to see the perpetrator pay for what he had done to the pet. It was then that the prophet revealed the true offender in the story. In a nutshell, here’s what the prophet said:

 

"You are that man! The LORD, the God of Israel, says, 'I anointed you king of Israel and saved you from the power of Saul. I gave you his house and his wives and the kingdoms of Israel and Judah. And if that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more. Why, then, have you despised the word of the LORD and done this horrible deed? For you have murdered Uriah and stolen his wife. From this time on, the sword will be a constant threat to your family, because you have despised me by taking Uriah's wife to be your own.’”

 

Only moments before, David thought nobody knew about his sin. But God knew. And God was not about to let him get away with it because “a Father disciplines a son He loves (Heb. 12:6).” To allow David to get away with his sin would eventually destroy him and would give God a bad name to those watching.

 

Last entry I shared how I had given in to sexual sin with a Christian man I dated. At the time, I never once thought how that sin would catch up with me in my future. I didn’t realize I would feel guilty about it for a long time, or how I would fear disease, or how God would make me accountable for it in a painful way.

 

When I met the man I was to marry, he was a virgin at age thirty-two. Since the sin was not so far in the past, I felt God telling me I needed to be honest about it. The thought of admitting my failure to such a man who had saved himself for me seemed impossible and I tried to ignore the frequent nudging. Finally one day, I had a “Nathan moment.” Steve (my husband now) felt a growing restlessness in his spirit that I had not been completely honest with him about something (imagine that) and he wanted to know what it was. I didn’t have to wonder. I finally confessed my sin to him, and it hurt him terribly that I had shared my body with another man AND that I had kept the truth from him throughout our dating relationship. It was almost the end of us, but thankfully God got us through that tough spot!

 

In the moment of temptation, Satan will tell you that you can get away with your sin, but there’s not a grain of truth in it. There are always consequences for sin. In David’s case, his child out of wedlock died and he had strife in his family for the rest of his days. You may not face such severe consequences, but you will still have nagging regret, guilt, and anxiety about what you might have contracted. And chances are good that God will make you admit your mistakes to anyone who would be the kind of person you want to share your life with. Do you want to have to admit that? A moment of pleasure is not worth all those pains!

 

If you have made mistakes, as I had, I urge you to have the heart of David: “Then David confessed to Nathan, ‘I have sinned against the LORD." Nathan replied, "Yes, but the LORD has forgiven you, and you won't die for this sin.”

 

The Lord’s mercies are great, but let us realize that we can never get away with sin and it’s never worth the price.

Print     Email to a Friend    posted on Thursday, September 03, 2009 2:12 PM

Comments on this post

# RE: Sex and the Lie of Secrecy

Amazing article. Thanks. You brought home something I was explaining to someone recently---that sex outside marriage is always cheating, even when we are not married. In other words, when you have sex with someone even while both are single, you are still having sex with another person's spouse. They are just not met or married yet. You have already cheated the other person (your future spouse) out of "exclusiveness" & you bring that "baggage" or soul ties into the marriage.
Left by Marie on Sep 04, 2009 1:49 PM

# RE: Sex and the Lie of Secrecy

I think it is amazing and wonderful that you are public about this sin, which is considered so shameful by most Christians. I hope that many take courage from your article and use it to be accountable, get help, and live lives of purity.
Left by Bill Bray on Sep 04, 2009 5:08 PM

# RE: Sex and the Lie of Secrecy

God Bless You!! I believe that God is revealing to me that is Spiritual Adultery. We are married to Jesus. I want to stay that way. I wasn't save all my and was very promiscuos before I became born again. Okay, not only that I was seduced by a pastor. Yes it happens. I ran but there are repercussions. This happened over 5 years until I prayed my way out. I'm forgiven but there after effects.He often reminds me to stay close to Him. believe or not. I have been dealt with by my Heavenly Father and He is a good Daddy! I prefer single,but I believe in marriage hurt when there is divorce.Been called Ellen D. You know her and that hurts.God told me through His Word that if I wait on Him I would never be ashamed. I've Had some near misses but not the right one. Abstinence for me No Sex!! No masturbation either not worth it. Moments of crazy thinking But Gods Grace is sufficient.I love Him I love Him! No guilt No Shame!!! Hard sometimes but it's right! God is Faithful to you!!
Left by CynthiaTownsend on Sep 04, 2009 11:51 PM

# RE: Sex and the Lie of Secrecy

And this sin will take you to hell. So confess and ask God to forgive you. And turn away from a lifestyle of sex outside marriage.
Left by hildegunn on Sep 06, 2009 9:35 AM

# RE: Sex and the Lie of Secrecy

This is a perfect example of why the sacrament of confession in the Catholic Church makes so much sense. I believe it is always necessary to confess sin, but not necessarily to loved ones whom might be scandalized or hurt deeply to find out.
Left by tvison on Sep 07, 2009 12:28 AM