There’s a lot of inquiry these days about Internet dating. Is it wrong? Is it dangerous? Is it desperate? In our post-modern culture, finding a potential mate can be tricky. People aren’t socializing as much. Communities are more spread out. Relationships often take a back seat to careers. Even suitable prospects in church can be few and far between. So is the Internet a good backup plan for locating love? I guess I’m a bit biased because that’s exactly where I met the love of my life ten years ago! Following are some tips to consider:
Depending on what’s important to you, don’t bank on finding a godly mate from a secular match site. Even E-Harmony, which promotes itself like a Christian site, is quite secular. Yes, a Christian started it, but I find no evidence from the people I know who have used it that it is any different from secular sites. It has a few faith questions but not in depth like some other sites, which may not draw a deeper spiritual person. And last I knew, BigChurch.com is owned by Penthouse Media Group, the same people who publish Penthouse Magazine and pornographic videos, and who operate a number of pornographic/sex-related websites. So try to locate sites that are truly Christian (look for a faith statement).
Remember that there are just as many losers on a Christian site as anywhere else, so you have to proceed slowly and be discerning. Steer clear of anyone who is ready to speed down the freeway of love before warming up the engine. In other words, there are desperados who are ready for an emotional connection before having a clue about who you really are and whether God is leading you into a relationship. These things can only be discerned through time (patience), prayer, and input from godly counsel. And if you ever hear someone say to you (before God does) these scary words, “God told me that ‘You are the one.’” Cut the engine and bolt! An Internet interest who is intent to wait on God will stand out like a rare flower in a desert.
Be very careful about who (and where) you meet. Internet dates can make up good tales and sound very convincing. Don't believe anything until a date prospect has willingly proven his or her trustworthiness. Ask for references before you meet (preferably people from his or her church), and then look up the phone numbers yourself for verification. For women, if a guy objects to your checking up on him, or acts put out that you “don’t trust him,” especially don't trust him then. A man of value and integrity will understand, respect, and even insist on your protection and safety, and will completely agree with your wisdom in being cautious. When you meet for the first time, meet in a public place and even bring along friends.
Go cheap. You can waste a LOT of time and money developing an Internet relationship, so beware. Use free Internet phones or free minutes to talk. For get-togethers in the early days, meet in free places like public parks or other public places. Don’t spend a lot of time, money, or resources until you see that there’s promising potential. I also say, keep your kids out of it completely unless the relationship gets serious. Your kids don’t need the added confusion and emotional pain that is inevitable from breakups.
If your interest is coming from a distance and needs a place to stay, don’t even consider your home as an option. Get serious accountability in place for this issue beforehand. Not only could it be risky, but you don’t need any unreasonable temptations or testimony-killers, especially with your kids and neighbors. I know people who believed every time they could be strong enough to fight temptation in this situation, and every single time they failed.
It is actually kind of fun meeting people online, especially if you practice caution and are completely intent on being patient for God’s wisdom and timing. Just remember to keep balance and sanity—don’t let it consume you. In the end, is it worth it? Like the adage of one of my friends, “You’ll never know until you go.” Safe driving!