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Living Single

Lee’s story:

Hello. My name is Lee Warren. I’m a 42-year-old, never married Christian man who has “been there,” struggling through many of the same things you have.

In high school, I remember thinking that I would be married within a few years. Then my wife and I would find a nice little house in the suburbs and we’d have children. We would start our own Thanksgiving and Christmas traditions. We would take our children to little league games and dance recitals. Then, when our children were grown up and on their own, my wife and I would do some traveling.

Obviously, that didn’t happen. God had other things in mind.

I’ve since been a care-taker to a couple of different family members and I’ve done my best to step into the gap left by the absentee father of a child I love dearly.

Maybe I could have done all of these things if I had been married. I honestly don’t know. But I do know that I couldn’t have devoted as much time to all of those people.

In addition to struggling through my unmet expectations for marriage, I’ve also faced loneliness, feelings of incompleteness, longing for love, wondering about God’s timing, and unmet physical desires. And while I honestly don’t believe God intends for me to be single for my entire life, the fact remains that I am single today, and by his grace, I can not only endure the day, I can embrace life and live today in a God-honoring fashion. Tomorrow belongs to God.

Going through such difficulties prompted me to write a singles devotional book called Single Servings: 90 Devotions to Feed Your Soul that addresses the issues I mentioned in the last paragraph and more. God has used it to help many singles through the same struggles I have experienced and I’m forever grateful to him for that. 

Julie and I will be talking a lot about the concerns you, as a single person, have here on this blog. But we’ll also be encouraging you to live as a sold out believer in Christ on a daily basis. I can’t wait for our journey to begin.

Julie’s story:

You may be familiar with some of my many works for singles featured on CBN, such as A Skunk for the Impatient of Heart, or Talk it Less, Watch it More. After forging through my own big learning curve in the season of singlehood after divorce, I have been working with singles for years since to bring them hope and encouragement in God’s plan of good for their lives.

Lee and I are thrilled to begin a journey with you as a single person, helping you to conquer fear, doubt, and discouragement so that you can live out your daily life in a joy-filled, faith-infused, purposeful manner. This blog will be a question – answer format where we encourage you to submit your questions about dating, relationships, faith, health, parenting, dealing with the ex, and whatever else is on your mind. While we can’t answer everyone’s questions, we will establish a community where we can all learn and grow with each other.

Post your question or comment now and join us!

Print     Email to a Friend    posted on Thursday, January 29, 2009 1:00 PM

Comments on this post

# RE: Living Single

Great, we singles need lots of encouragement! Go for it! Some of us have searched hours on the dating sites. I compare them to "dating landmines". I have learned we can't push God's timing or His calendar, although I have tried.

Singles need love too. God's love.
Praise God for your efforts!
Left by Radiantpraise on Jan 30, 2009 1:33 PM

# RE: Living Single

So wonderful to see a blog for singles! Praying the word will get out so others will know there is a place for Christain singles to communicate, help and encourage one another. God's love and provision can heal the hurts and meet the needs of singles. He has done wonders in my life. Let's spread the Word!
Left by Pam on Jan 30, 2009 1:44 PM

# RE: Living Single

I'm thankful for this blog. I think the worse part of being single is feeling isolated. Especially on Sunday mornings. Does any one else struggle with feeling like a misfit at church? It seems churches are so geared to families, it's easy to feel left out!
Left by Daisy on Jan 30, 2009 1:45 PM

# RE: Living Single

I was single until I married at 28. We had two children, then I was widowed at 32. My daughter is now 24 and my son 22. There is no doubt we are all called to the church we are attending. My daughter just called me from Gatlinburg, TN where she is attending "Fire and Ice" with two, 16-yr. olds and a 19 yr. old from our church, Except for my son, the only other young singles in our church is one young lady who is 28. My daughter works in a day care as does this other young lady. My son is currently unemployed but does praise/worship at church and works in the food outreach ministry. How can these three, young single people find others like themselves to have bible study, hang out, etc. I told my daughter when she called (she was a little frustrated due to some immaturity being shown), she needs to be with those her own age. She asked me, 'Where do I meet them?' That is my question for you. (I met their dad in a singles group, meeting at a church, but non-christians).
Left by windy7 on Jan 30, 2009 2:03 PM

# RE: Living Single

Daisy you are not alone. I agree that singles are often forgotten in church and many needs go unmet. Sometimes it is frustrating because when I look around in church there aren't many people I can relate with. I have never been married and I have no kids and most singles in my church are divorced and/or have kids so then again I feel left out in this group of singles.
Left by Mimosin on Jan 30, 2009 4:08 PM

# RE: Living Single

I'm still single at 37 and I often feel the way many of you do even in my church!Seems like everything is geared for couples and those who are single are limited!I don't like being single is it wrong for me to feel that way?I'm confused on this subject and constantly leave it in prayer, so if any of you have any advice please share.
Left by jack on Jan 31, 2009 2:18 PM

# RE: Living Single

I totally understand how you singles feel, as a mom of adult children, 31,27 and 24, who love the Lord.I see my kids hearts broken and hurting wondering where there Godly christain mates are and why hasen't God brought that special person to them by now. Why so late in life. There hearts desire is to be married, so they are puzzled.
Left by chrisitne on Jan 31, 2009 6:00 PM

# RE: Living Single

I first want to recognige and thank Jesus Christ as my Lord and personal savior, and also thank Jesus for this article. It is a blessing for me. I'm 36 years old and been divorced since 2001. I know what it is like to be in a church where it seems most of the members don't understand what it is like to be single. I testified in church several years ago that I was approached by a female to have sex with her and I turned it down because I want to live for Jesus and not to have sex until marriage. When telling this, some of members looked at me like I was weird or gay, which I am not. So I do have first hand experience at this and my prayer is more churches would have single ministries to help out the single people so they can encourage each other to live for Christ and not to fall into temptations that will take people down the wrong road. Thank you CBN for this article and may God bless you and may God bless the singles and divorce in church.
Left by Brian on Jan 31, 2009 6:52 PM

# RE: Living Single

I agree with most that share of their frustrations of either feeling isolated as singles in church or watching their children hurt as they wonder where their mates are. I am a 32 year old single & have so many questions on how this waiting on your spouse all works. Yes, I agree with sexual purity, it makes perfect sense. Here are my questions, how do I know I have met the right guy? Does having a dad who has dishonored his marriage through adultery affect my chances of being happily married, even though I am born again? Is it ok to just sit here and wait for God to send my godly husband, or do I have to do something and if so what? Are Christian dating websites God's way? Is God waiting for me to get over something until he blesses me with a spouse, basically is there anything I am doing or not doing that is blocking this process. Thank you for helping with answers. May God bless CBN and may God Bless the singles and their parents?
Left by Tessa on Jan 31, 2009 8:03 PM

# RE: Living Single

Im still single at 62 divorced some thirty years. I thought I would be married by now that hasn't happened. Like all of you it's frustrating and lonely at times. I have learned I can't change things but I can be obedient to my Lord and it's His timing not mine so in that I find peace. Church is geared to families. Just remember even in church married people are lonely to. As a Christian I have asked that question. I'm I suppose to be doing something to make this happen or is there something in me that is still not right. I have finally come to the conclusion. I'm not asking that question any longer. I WILL be married and during the time I wait. I occupy my life with Him. Because of that I'm Happy. I don't have the answers but He does.
Left by Rosemarie Rocha on Jan 31, 2009 9:38 PM

# RE: Living Single

This article is such a breathe of fresh air! It is comforting to know that I'm not alone in facing the struggles of being single and waiting on the Lord (I am 30 years old). I have been through what most of you are writing about and I have also thought that God is either, not hearing my prayers, not seeing my loneliness or just doesn't care! I have taken issues into my own hands, made wrong decisions to get God's attention and only served to hurt myself and get back to square one - waiting on the Lord! So, tough as it may seem, I have come to learn that, His way is the least painful avenue to use. I believe that, by God making me a woman, I am a missing rib in someone's rib-cage. Like-wise, men have a missing rib that is supposed to fill their rib-cage. So, hold onto the Lord's promises and His timing. Hmmm... that's a tough one but, what's the option...!
Left by Wendy on Feb 02, 2009 3:25 AM

# RE: Living Single

It is good to hear that other people feel the same way I do. I was married 25+years and my spouse died. Now in my late 50's trying to start over. I feel lost, not sure of a direction or who I am supposed to be now. I am isolating myself from family and friends, feeling I don't want anybody too close to find out how unhappy and lost I am. Anyone experience this? I pray about it, but feel I am missing something in order to get an answer. Can anyone offer insight to this journey? Thank you and god bless
Left by trish hughey on Feb 02, 2009 10:40 AM

# RE: Living Single

Tessa, your posting struck a real chord with me - it was as if I was a reading an entry in my own journal. I'm a 35 year old woman, who has never been married (and has never even been close) with no kids. As the years roll by, I watch as siblings, friends, colleagues, acquaintances all pass through the marriage and children milestone and I'm am plagued by the very same questions you have asked. I don't have the answers, but I do know that I am a better person today for the years I have spent alone. I've pressed in so much deeper into my relationship with the Lord, and I'm thankful for this time. At times I feel that it is for the better that I was not married earlier, because my spouse would not have gotten the best of me. Today, I feel stronger in the Lord and I believe that he using this time to prepare me for my marriage. These thoughts don't remove the feelings of aloneness I sometimes struggle with, but I'm comforted knowing that He is perfecting the wife in me.
Left by CJ on Feb 02, 2009 2:08 PM

# RE: Living Single

Trish Hughey, I am responding to your post. First of all, God Bless you. I felt compelled to write you back (my first time logging in). I want you to know that I am praying for you because I know how it is to be lonely (I am a 31 yr old never married woman and spend a lot of time alone, too much sometimes I think). I tend to isolate. Sometimes it is to be with the Lord and that is OK because I need to make that relationship #1 and nurture it while I am waiting for my husband. I would encourage you to read Isaiah 54, where it says that "your Maker is your husband" and He WILL take care of you and wants to spend time with you and comfort and love on and minister to you. I may not have the exact same situation you do, but please do not isolate. I know how it feels and it is not a good place, very lonely! I think that is one of the big ways the enemy tries to keep us ineffective, and bring us down is isolating. We need support and to reach out to others. Please don't isolate from family a
Left by Kathryn on Feb 02, 2009 5:01 PM

# RE: Living Single

As I read yr contribns, I'm challngd to TRUST GOD & B CONTENT IN MY SINGLENESS! No this does not belittle our feelings of desiring a spouse, but peace while we wait on God's answer is equally important. The process is as important as possessing the blessing. My concern is if we do not enter in2 God's rest while we wait 4 our godly spouses, our demeanor is not going 2 portray the joy of the Lord & by caving in 2 this state of unhappiness we miss out on the opportunity 2 glorify God thru our lives of consecration. Regardless of our desires 2 be married, wld I be right 2 state that we Dearly Love Jesus so much that we want the unsaved 2 yearn 4 the blessed assurance we have? The challenge is staying in God's rest, bearing much fruit so the unsaved actually see the benefits of being saved & are drawn 2 Jesus? I'm personally tired of the unsaved feeling sorry 4 me, NO I want a wholeness in Christ regardless of my state so that unbelievers envy what I have, which in Christ is EVERYTHING!
Left by Tessa on Feb 02, 2009 5:02 PM

# RE: Living Single

CJ, Kathryn, Wendy, Trish, Rosemarie, Brian, Christine, Jack, Mimosin, Daisy, Pam, Windy7, Radiantpraise and all the singles out there and their concerned parents, just wanted you to know I am praying for you and believing for God's best, our God remains bigger than our state and our questions, in Jesus Name, Amen.
Left by Tessa on Feb 02, 2009 5:11 PM

# RE: Living Single

This is really interesting.I am 31 yrs and i thought am the only one who does not seem to fit in the church groups?
Thanks to all of you, i finally realise that what am dealing with, someone else has gone through the same. Blessings to you all
Left by Kate on Feb 03, 2009 9:22 AM

# RE: Living Single

I had to reply. I know very well what it's like not to "fit in" @ church. Five years ago, my Christian husband of 20+ years had an affair and because of his "high standing" and office in the church, he was & still is being treated as a hero. Meanwhile, I have been treated like I have a disease. I was actually told I deserved what I got. I have been hurt more by Christians than unbelievers hands down. However, I have grown closer to God than I ever thought possible. I even thanked my ex for everything he did to me because of the good it has brought to me. No, I'm not totally over this, but God has been faithful. I try not to think of the future in terms of a mate. That's still too hurtful. God will deliver me from this pain one day and I will truly be free. We just all need to remember that, God IS faithful and HE is in control. And His plan for us is better than anything we could hope or imagine!
Left by Ann on Feb 03, 2009 11:58 AM

# RE: Living Single

Hey Everyone! Julie here. It is so good to have you all joining us. I pray that you can feed off each other in between posts, and encourage one another. I believe Friday the post will be up that deals with the loneliness and isolation you have all expressed here. I totally understand your pain in this area as I have had many years of such feelings myself. On Friday, I'll be sharing with you some of the things that have helped me deal with this area.

Thanks so much for your participation! Your input helps others feel validated and encouraged.
Left by Julie Ferwerda on Feb 04, 2009 10:30 AM

# RE: Living Single

I want God's best 4 every aspect of my life,including my husband & kids.By not having a spouse,I am missing out on a lot.My married counterparts talk about movies they've seen,trips they've taken,cute kid moments,etc.I am the silent one in the group while those conversations occur.I have lots of friends but they aren't motivated 2 try anything new.I can't even convince them 2 spend $6 2 see a movie,let alone travel.I have never received flowers on Valentine's Day,have never left the country,have never been on a cruise.Month after month,I receive invitations 2 weddings,banquets,etc. & am told 2 bring a guest.Yet,I have no guest 2 bring.While I am waiting 4 God's best regarding a spouse,it would be nice 2 have a male friend to accompany me when I want 2 go 2 the movies, get invited 2 a banquet/wedding,or have a family event 2 attend so that I won't keep missing out on life,& so that I won't continue being the only person @ an event who is alone,so that I won't continue 2 be different.
Left by Pam on Feb 04, 2009 12:41 PM

# RE: Living Single

Pam, just wanted to encourage you that like many of your sisters & brothers i understand those feelings of lonliness. I thank God for Julie, Lee, CBN & many others that r trully concerned about the singles in the body of Christ. Until we get the feedbck on Friday, i wantd to post a prayer, hope it helps. "Dear Father, thnk u 4 being our daddy, thnk 4 loving us unto death thru Jesus. Lord we receive your perfect love daily so that we won't feel so forgotten, thnk u 4 the spouses u have 4 us who desire to be married. Lord while we wait, please bring us godly & loving friends with whom we can share your daily blessings with, friends we can be ourselves with, laugh, share the goodness of the Lord, travel with, watch a movie & pray 2gether. Thank u Lord that u will never leave nor forsake the singles acoording to Isaiah 34:16. Thnk u 4 deliverance from depression, isolation, rejection & abundanment in Jesus name, we receive the joy of te Lord which is our strength, In Jesus Name Amen.
Left by Tessa on Feb 04, 2009 3:49 PM

# RE: Living Single

Thank you all for sharing on singleness. My own experience of being single after 20+ years of marriage has been painful. And I also don't know where I belong in the church. I identify with each of you. However, God draws me closer to Him and He has got everything in His hands. All of our circumstances, cares, concerns, sorrows. My prayer is to know Jesus better and allow Him to have His way with my life. He created us and loves us. I find amazing hope and comfort from His Word. As we cry out to Him, we can be certain He will answer. As we delight in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart. God is faithful and will fill up all our emptiness. Give us O Lord your Living Water and satisfy our deepest needs. Be Thou my portion O Lord. As I meditate on the Psalms i am comforted and cleansed. We are more than conquerors through Christ the Lord. He gives us victory over all our enemies. Let us remember He is the Good Shepherd.
Left by Joan Ebel on Feb 06, 2009 8:43 AM

# RE: Living Single

Yes, thank God for this website and CBN. We sinlgles need a place to vent and become closer to one another and to share our tribulations.I too am single and share in your pains but putting God first in your life should take care of that. And I was in the position of feeling sorry for myself and feeling left out until I found a church that took me in as brother of Christ. They made me feel welcomed. They don't care about my past. They are thier for me when I'm at my worst. And titheing. Can you ask yourself are you doing what God wants you to do that's right as far as titheing? I wasn't giving the ten percent like I should of. Until a few weeks ago I did what was right. Besides listening to testamonies on how people was giving the proper titheing and that how God was doing temenduous things in thier lives. And you know what it is so true. Things has been happening to me and God is anwsering my prayers. he is giving me visions that are coming true and I know my soul mate is here.Amen
Left by sparky on Feb 09, 2009 4:14 PM

# RE: Living Single

Trish Hughey, This is my first time to respond to a blog. I feel for you. I've been widowed for 15 years now and raised my two children virtually alone with the Lord. I never dated. Now that my children are young adults I do not know what to do with myself. I'm not really connected to a church either. All I know is I'm fearful to even think of dating all over again and I'm not to sure I want to, but the loneliness has been at times unbareable. So, I will leave you with this hope and apply it to my own life. God made us to be relational beings and He does want to give us good gifts. I believe when we serve the Lord the peices will fall into place. So, we must take a leap of faith and get involved with other believers. I will pray for you because I do know how fearful that first step is. God Bless you!
Left by bonnie thill on Feb 18, 2009 10:38 AM

# RE: Living Single

Hello..I have been single since 2001 and what a journey it has been. I see the need for single Christians, as my church does not have anything for singles. Do I have to be under the Covering of God--the Church in order to have a Bible-based study? I would like to have input on this matter as I am considering a Biblically-based single group meeting, in my home. Thank you and may God Bless you!s22
Left by Rhonda on Feb 24, 2009 7:16 PM

# RE: Living Single

I will start by saying that i am single never been married at 44. Being raise in divorced household where there was much abuse, I was led to expect that marriage would be a disaster. Both siblings are divorced. I have always been in long term relationships but it was not until recently, after many years of pain and dissapointment, that I have began to learn my worth in the Lord. I now desire all the he has for me and I no longer need to feel a void by attaching myself to a less than true attachment. I am allowing God to mold me into the woman that he desires me to be. I am feeling a restoration and a deep healing. It is like there is a barrier between myself and the pain of the past. I know it is God. He is there for me and my beautiful child. He will make me the mother and woman that he desires me to be and I am so open to the journey.
Left by taetae on Mar 04, 2009 9:56 PM

# RE: Living Single

I am thankful I found this site. I've been having issues with single status when I recently hit 34. Reality is setting in and I'm beginning to become impatient, disillusioned, and cynical about dating and finding the right one. I thought I found the one a few months back, prayed for guidance, and somehow found them answered, and definitely felt it was him. Then he disappeared and I'm left in pain and wondering why.
Left by geminiseeker on Jul 05, 2009 12:56 AM