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Mommy and the Joyful Three

About This Blogger

Erin James is the author of a mom blog on whattoexpect.com. She is a mother of three whose passion is helping other moms and dads with positive parenting.

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Parenting: The Line Between Judgment and Love


If your child doesn’t do what he’s told, or her personality nags you, or they don’t do what you want the way you want, how do you react?

I love my children for who they are. I know they are not supposed to be just like me. They have their own personalities and quirks. They will grow and have their own interest and reasons for their choices. It’s my job to give them love, guidance and prayer.

A personal family matter was recently brought to my attention. A mother and a brother wrote off a family member because even though they live miles away and do not truly know every detail of her life, they did not like what she was doing.

This girl was devastated and desperately just wanted their approval. Instead, she found it in the worst of places. She didn't want to turn to God because if her family members who are Christians were that judgmental she felt it wasn’t worth the pain.

She is doing fine now. She found love and acceptance finally, and realized that Jesus embodies love, no matter what His “followers” sometimes say and do.

That verse really is true: They will know we are Christians by our love (John 13:35). This should never be replaced with, Christians are recognizable their by judgments.

My children have sides of their personalities that certainly shock me. But, as long as they are serving God and do what's right, I will fully embrace them. If they do stray, it’s my responsibility to cause no harm with words I can’t take back or actions that write them off. The one thing children should be able to count on from their parents is love.

Actions show love more powerfully than words (thought it’s good to say it as well). My kids will feel alone and isolated if I’m always just pointing out what they’ve done wrong.

Parents, we are meant to build our children up! Envision your child being built like a tall, beautiful tower. Each day you add another stone. If you are saying or doing things that tear at your child's self-esteem, you are weakening them. God made us their parents for a reason. We are meant to be the ones who build them into the beautiful Christ-like people they are meant to be.

Sure, it isn't always easy. I never thought I could be upset at my children when they were little. Now, I realize there are sides of my own children that I struggle to love. If a dark day ever comes in their lives, I hope they see our home is where they can find some light and refuge.

Jesus did not turn sinners away. He showed them love and it healed them. That’s our mission, as Christians. Love should overshadow our opinions.

Kindness is not an acceptance of sin. It is merely showing someone who is hurting that there is a real, unfaltering love available to them.

Show God's love to your children. Don’t constantly be the negative voices in their ear. Show them the right way by your actions; and they will love you and God for it.

Print      Email to a Friend    posted on Tuesday, February 26, 2013 4:00 PM

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