Monday, May 21, 2012
I’ve been wondering about the value of anger. I’ve always said that all emotions are good; it’s what we do with them that matters. However, in a recent discussion with a Christian therapist, he suggested to me that anger was not even really an emotion, but a defensive attitude. Interesting, yes?
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Emotions can feel like a freight train bearing down on us at 200 miles per hour. The sheer force of them is often enough to knock us down, causing us to gasp for breath if not struggle to think straight. In this state of rampant emotion, we often make decisions, say things and act in ways not conducive with our core values. During a recent Marriage Intensive, the husband, Dan, stomped out of the room several times when his anger surged to the surface.
Monday, May 07, 2012
Dale was gruff, a hard-working man who operated his own construction company. Highly successful as a businessman, he was also able to run any piece of equipment. Sixty-hour work weeks were not unusual for him, especially in the early years of building his business. However, in the meantime Dale let something very critical slip by him—his relationship to his wife, Elizabeth.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012
“I can’t talk about anything without him getting upset,” Katie said, looking at her husband, John, with a sideways glance. “What do you mean?” I asked, having just started counseling with the 50-year old couple. Tall and stout upon greeting me, John now appeared apprehensive and uncomfortable. Katie appeared equally tense.
Monday, April 23, 2012
“We didn’t get along as kids, and get along worse now,” Andrea said, tears streaming from her eyes. “I don’t know why my sisters still have the power to make me so upset.” Thirty-seven years old and a professional woman, Andrea had the ability to command a high salary, live an above average lifestyle, was verbally articulate and yet still felt flustered at family gatherings.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
I received a panicked call the other day from a father who was recently separated from his wife, fearing it might lead to a divorce. I had been working with him to assist him in coping with this devastating experience. As if this was not enough stress in his life, he now had to manage moving out of his home, rearrange finances to accommodate two houses and deal with new concerns about his children. “I’m not calling about me this time,” Bradley said.
Monday, April 02, 2012
There is an epidemic taking place in our marriages. This is not a new epidemic, but rather one that has taken place for more than 50 fifty years: marriages are failing at alarming rates. What may be more shocking to some is that divorce rates are higher among baby boomers than those in their 20s and 30s. Today, more than 1 in 4 divorces involve older adults, with approximately one third of baby boomers having experienced a divorce.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
I watched in dismay as the couple unleashed yet another flurry of verbal attacks on one another, seemingly unaware of their mate’s wincing and wounding. Not that I was surprised at their verbal pokes and sarcastic digs. Both were wounded and expressed their hurt by chiding the other. She felt wounded from an affair he had a year earlier and frequently reminded him of it.
Monday, March 12, 2012
“Are you two ready to put this issue behind you?” I anxiously asked a couple. They had practiced some of the communication tools we had been rehearsing but still seemed quite contentious. “Yes,” Tim and Sondra said in unison, relieved after nearly 20 minutes of bickering over Tim’s recent anger outburst, which had left Sondra hurt and reeling. To Tim’s credit, he had taken responsibility for saying hurtful things and had apologized.
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
“I try to get away from her,” Dan said anxiously, recalling how angry his wife Deb became at him. “Yeah,” Deb answered during a counseling session. “He does that to provoke me. He knows I want to talk about things and he walks away from me.” Dan shook his head in disagreement. “I’m sure not trying to provoke her,” he said. “I just want to wait until she settles down.”