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Breaking Free From Homosexuality

Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

     “Search me O God and know my heart.  Try me and know my
       anxious thoughts.  See if there be any hurtful way in me and     
       lead me in the everlasting way.”  Amen.  Psalm

This is a verse I pray everyday.  The past couple of weeks the Lord has been bringing more wrong perceptions of Him to the surface of my heart.  Over the years, I have invested a lot of work in counceling trying not to see my Heavenly Father the way I see my Earthly Father.  In the past I have been so angry – even rageful -- at the Lord.  Felt so abandoned and rejected by Him.  Not one of these perceptions is part of God’s character, yet to me they felt very true and real.

I was not expecting another layer of anger to surface.  I thought I was done with that topic.  Here is what transpired:  I met a Christian woman in the hospital whose body has started to fail her.  She now has to rely on her family for everything.  Then, right next door to her was a man who did not know God and his body was also having set backs.

Later that evening my heart exploded with anger at God.  Here this faithful woman had served Him the majority of her life and where was He?  Why did He allow this to happen to her?  Why had he not protected her body?  Did it bother Him she was suffering?  Couldn’t He see that she was hurting?  Where was He?  She was His child and He was standing by just expecting her to hang in there for however long. Then, whenever He said it was her time to come home, she would receive her reward in Heaven.  I mean I was letting God have it.  After I had finished, I realized I was not screaming at my Heavenly Father, but at my Earthly Father.

When I was three, we had a very painful, traumatic event in our family that would alter our lives forever.  My father did not know how to handle the hurt, so he left us emotionally during the week and would physically leave us on weekends to escape his pain.  He did not seem to care that my mother, my newborn brother, my one year old sister, and me were deeply affected.   Couldn’t he see we needed him?

When life is good, I feel close to God. But when life comes at me with struggles and temptations, I think I am to handle them myself because God is not around to give me the strength and power to overcome and make it through.

I want to challenge all of you to pray this verse every day.  Ask the Lord to show you where He is when you are struggling with same sex attractions or sitting at a computer tempted to look at pornography?  He is there.  He always has been, He always will be and He so very much wants to give you the power and strength to overcome whatever comes your way.

I am so thankful that the Lord wants to free us from the lies and misconceptions we have bought into.  May He continue to increase my faith and your faith in who He really is as our Heavenly Father.


Redeemed,


Sydney Johnson  

Print      Email to a Friend    posted on Wednesday, March 04, 2009 11:43 AM

Comments on this post

# RE: Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

Very true what you are saying Sydney, I thank God for revealing this to you. I just want to thank you for your blogs because they have most certainly been helping me when struggles arrise. I'm growing in the Lord each day and I feel him working in me =] I will definitly be saying that prayer. Thanks! God Bless You!
Left by iromeo on Mar 04, 2009 7:37 PM

# RE: Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

Dear Sydney, I'm sorry you had such a hard time recently, but I'm glad that God is revealing His Character to you through it. I will keep you in prayer. Joyfully, The Minx
Left by theminx1 on Mar 14, 2009 6:24 AM

# RE: Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

Hello to all, God's timing is always perfect. I have had two dogs for the last 15 years and last week one of them pasted away. This has been really tough because she was like my child. I have needed the Lord as I greive my loss. I am so glad the Lord revealed to me my "heart" problem and the anger I still had towards Him. I need Him. Not just during this time in my life, but every day. Thank you for your prayers. Even when we do not feel the Lord's presence, He is with us. God Bless you all.
Left by Sydney Johnson on Mar 18, 2009 9:22 PM

# RE: Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

I have been unemployed for 9 months, then was offered a job a month ago but now the start date is in its 3rd delay. I prayed hard for a job and when it opened, I praised God for his blessings. Now after the 3rd delay, I am struggling with it all. I hate to admit, but I have been angry at God. I had a very "absent" earthloy father who was not there when I needed him and did not provide for us. My image of God, in His silence, is the same I had for my earthly father. At times I feel God does not care for me and my suffering. I know God is teaching me patience, but I am struggeling to make ends met. Lord, please forgive me for doubting you. I need your help!
Left by Dwain on Mar 21, 2009 12:32 AM

# RE: Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

Dwain,

I prayed for you today brother. satan is really trying to feed you lies about God. I pray that God will tell you the truth about Himself and that you will experience His love and joy and peace in an astounding way. Oh He wants to silence the lies that satan is feeding you! God's desire is to provide for you in supernatural ways and I CLAIM that that will happen. He is providing for you right now in the powerful name of Jesus. He cares for you so much. Oh just call out to Him, His eyes are fixed on you. He cares for you more than you could ever fathom and He is pleased with you. God thinks that you are fun! Just dwell on that. He thinks that you are a fun guy. Oh I pray that you will feel the overwhelming power of His presence! Be encouraged brother! May the Lord bless and keep you!!!
Left by want2befree88 on Mar 24, 2009 11:07 PM

# RE: Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

Greetings Dear brothers an sisters in the Lord: I have been thinking about and praying for you all. Be encouraged today. May you receive "Now" faith in knowing no matter what is going on in your life at this very moment, the Lord is in total control and He loves you very much!! Stand on His promises even if you cannot feel Him. If you cannot see His hand, then trust His heart. His grace and mercies are new everyday. God Bless you all!
Left by Sydney Johnson on Mar 30, 2009 11:36 AM

# RE: Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

my husband has fought this for 25+ years. He has served God for many years, but has always been plagued with it. Last year, a former church member convinced him to go back into the lifestyle. I was devastated. This week he told me he is gay and wants to die, but is too afraid to do it by his own hand. He also asked me to name ONE person that has been able to overcome this. I am desperate to show him that God has provided the sacrifice needed for him to have complete victory. I just don't know what else to say to him. He is now living in the household with this person that has introduced him to all aspects of the lifestyle. I can tell he is so miserable. I have never been able to divorce or walk away from him knowing I may be the link to helping him make it into heaven.
Left by His Child on Mar 31, 2009 6:14 AM

# RE: Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

His Child,

satan has such a hold on your husband right now. There is so much power in Jesus. The same power that conquered the grave lives in your husband! He needs to rebuke satan and his lies. Your husband is miserable because he is living in rebellion to God. Oh I pray that he will turn back to his savior. I rebuke in the name of Jesus Christ the lies that satan is feeding him that it's ok to live the homosexual lifestyle! Jesus is desperate to offer him freedom. I promise you from my own experience with struggling with this sin that all your husband needs to do is spend time with his Savior. As he falls more and more in love with Jesus sin will start to fall out of his life. I pray now Jesus that you will give him the strength to stop living with this man who satan has taken captive to steal him away from his Lover. Oh Jesus loves your husband so much! I pray right now that he will experience Jesus in such a profound way that he will be left utterly changed. Oh God is calling him.
Left by want2befree88 on Mar 31, 2009 10:48 PM

# RE: Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

Do not leave your husband. Oh pray without ceasing for him to see that God's heart is good. I struggled so much with wishing that God thought homosexuality was ok. But it separates us from God and there is NO joy in living the homosexual lifestyle!!! There is only joy in Jesus Christ the Son of God!!! Oh God call Him back into your arms. Oh Jesus tell Him right now how much you love him. Fill him with such a strong desire to talk to you and God send him a godly leader that he can talk about all of this with. Oh God please I beg you with all that I have to surround him with such a strong community of believers. Oh God heal him in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Oh Jesus break down the walls that have been built between him and You. Oh please Father please take away his pain and suffering! Oh God I cry out to you on his behalf. I beg you for his healing. Jesus I pray that right now he is falling on his face before you crying out in desperation for your healing touch.
Left by want2befree88 on Mar 31, 2009 10:54 PM

# RE: Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

God I pray for this woman's husbands healing and for the healing of the man he is living with. God please give them the courage and strength to stop living as they are. God please show them your love in extraordinary ways. They need to gaze into your eyes Father. Then they will be made complete in You. Jesus expose all of satan's lies that are filling their minds. God I pray that they are having an encounter with you right now and that they are falling on their faces before you crying out for your mercy and grace! God send them someone that they can talk to about all of this. A godly leader who can hold them accountable and love them. Jesus let them know in an extraordinary way how much you desire to know them. God I pray that they will fall head over heels for you Jesus and that this sin will fall out of their lives. I claim that they are healed in the name of Jesus!!! You are delivering them dear Father. Give them hope and joy.
Left by want2befree88 on Mar 31, 2009 11:17 PM

# RE: Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

God teach them that there is so much power in the name of Jesus. Teach them to rebuke satan's lies every time he utters them. God let them know that they are certainly NOT alone and that there are countless people who have been released from the bondage of homosexuality!!
www.Exodus-International.org
There are testimonies on that website of people who have been healed! They are no longer living in this sin! Praise Jesus. All you have to do is fall more and more in love with Jesus and sin falls out of your life because you see sin as SO much less than your Savior. There are also testimonies on this website if you search for them on the search engine. Here are some verses to encourage your husband and his friend:
Isaiah 43:19 "See, I am doing a new thing!Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."
Psalm 34:18 "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Left by want2befree88 on Mar 31, 2009 11:31 PM

# RE: Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

Psalm 119:45 "I will walk about in freedom,
for I have sought out your precepts."
2 Corinthians 3:17 "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
Galatians 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (the yoke is any sin)
There is so much encouragement in the Word of God. I encourage your husband and his friend to read God's love letter to us. Oh so much light would be shed on the darkest places of their souls that they have tried to ignore. There is so much to live for in Jesus! Your husband is having thoughts of suicide because satan is trying to kill him off. He knows how much God wants to us him! He is afraid and wants him off this earth! Your husband is going to make SO much of an impact for the kingdom of God. I claim it. PLEASE get him to listen to this song:
http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#how%20he%20loves%20john%20mark
I love you guys!
Left by want2befree88 on Mar 31, 2009 11:43 PM

# RE: Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

His Child, I speak Hope and Life over your husband in the name of Jesus. Encourage him to get counceling and into a support group. There are several websites on this blog he can go to and find testimonies of people being set free. You also need support and help. If satan can isolate us then his lies seem to be real. There is support for you also. I know that your husband is struggling, but this battle is also taking a toll on you and your family. Freedom is not free! We have to go after it. Reach out for Jesus with skin on. I know this so painful and hard. Prayer is powerful. Pray for your husband and for yourself. There is kingdom power inside of you. Pray for your husband's will to be strengthened. This is a very hard process, but worth the fight. Jesus is with you and He will carry you through this situation each day. God loves you and sees your pain and tears. God bless you and your husband. The victory is mine says the Lord. o
Left by Sydney Johnson on Apr 02, 2009 10:17 AM

# RE: Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

Thank you for the prayers and encouragement. I have spoken, into the atmosphere, that my husband will be delivered. And I've told him there is someone out there for him to be a witness too, after he walks in victory!! He told me last night this roommate is moving!! I've prayed for division to come between them!! PRAISE GOD, THE ANSWER IS ON THE WAY!!! GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND THE WORK YOU ARE DOING!!!!
Left by His Child on Apr 03, 2009 10:25 AM

# RE: Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

Dear His Child, Some have said that a definition of sin is trying to meet a legitimate, God-given need in an illegitimate, sinful way. Pray & ask the LORD (& your husband) what it is that drives him to this behavior, so that God can then show him how to meet that need in a Godly fashion. Also, Jeff Buchanan, the church network director for Exodus also leads the ex-gay ministry @ my church. We've got lots of people who've successfully left the lifestyle. Go to Exodus' website, www.exodus.to, and look up some of the articles Jeff's written. We'll be praying for you.

Joyfully,
The Minx
Left by theminx1 on Apr 03, 2009 11:54 PM

# RE: Earthly Father vs Heavenly Father

I like The Minx's definition of sin. There are many ex-gay ministrys across the country. Locate one in your area and get connected. The exodus website is a good source. Thanks Minx for your wisdom. God bless you!
Left by Sydney Johnson on Apr 06, 2009 11:30 PM