Merry Christmas! I remember when I was in the lifestyle my Christmases being full of anxiety. I was torn between family and the emotional dependency of wanting to be with my partner. There was no peace or joy in my Christmas.
This holiday season may not be so merry for those struggling with unwanted same sex attractions and their families. In fact, this can be a very stressful and lonely time of the year. Family members may have pushed love ones away not knowing how to handle their homosexual struggle. Others have walked away from a relationship in search of freedom in Christ and feel as if a hole has been blown in their heart. Emotional pain is real and it is awful. I would rather deal with physical pain than emotional pain anytime. I have had tremendous healing when I stopped and face the emotional pain instead of covering it up or running from it.
My heart is going out to all who are struggling this season with same sex attraction and other bondages that usually accompany this sin. For example lots of drinking, depression, suicidal thoughts and whatever satan throws your way. Satan is always busy and he wants to destroy your life.
This season the good news is Jesus was born -- especially for you. Yes, you, the person reading this blog. Jesus is as real and alive today as He was when He was born. He sees your pain and struggle and He wants to help you. You may ask, “Well, if He is so real and alive then why can’t I feel Him or touch Him?” “Why am I hurting so much?” “Why won’t He help me?” At one point in my life these were the questions I asked all the time. I was hurting so badly I just wanted Him to come down and make all the pain go away.
Sin separates us from God. My heart had been taken captive by rage, unforgivness, selfishness, pride and the list goes on. Jesus was after my heart. He does not make us give up the sin in our life, but He wants us to let go of it and choose Him instead. We hang on to it because we do not know how to trust our Heavenly Father. We compare Him to our earthly fathers and God is nothing like our earthly fathers. Jesus will never hurt you. He will never leave you nor forsake you – no matter what you have done in your life.
Jesus was born crucified – for you. He says “Give me your unwanted same sex attractions, your rage, your unforgivness, your pride. Surrender all of your heart and its hurts to me. I am trustworthy, good and I love you.”
His grace and mercies are new every day. When I feel the attacks from Satan, I will set my watch for 1 minute and rest in Jesus’ arms. Sometimes I have to set it over and over again, but I refuse to let satan steal my joy and peace.
This Christmas BELIEVE!!!! Believe He was born for you and that He loves you more than any earthly person. God bless you and your families this season.
Merry Christmas!!
Sydney Johnson