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Breaking Free From Homosexuality

When Someone You Love is Gay

How do we do this and not compromise our morals?  How do we love others struggling with say alcohol, anger, gossip, pre-marital sex, pornography and the list goes on.  Is loving someone struggling with same sex attractions any different?  We seem to do okay with loving others with “regular” sins, but for some reason we think loving the homosexual sends the message that their sin is okay.  First thing we have to do is see the person separate from their sin.  We are to love the one struggling unconditionally. Ask God to help you see them as He sees them and then pray without ceasing for that person.

Pray for opportunities to talk about Jesus and how much He loves them.  Do not focus on their homosexuality, but keep drawing them to Jesus by the example of your life with God.  Show them a relationship with the Lord Almighty they will want.  It is not our jobs to save them and set them free, but it is our responsibility to love them to Jesus.  The pressure is on God to do the rest.

Some sins have consequences that are more serious than others, but ALL sin separates us from God.  Romans 3:23 says “…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…”  Homosexuality seems worse than hatred, but both hurt our relationship with God.  The consequences are more serious for homosexuality, but they are both sin.  If you are having trouble loving people struggling with this sin, give God your heart and ask Him to soften it.  Read I Corinthians Chapter 13 on love.  Substitute the word God in for love and listen to how it reads. Stanton Jones of Wheaton College said this:  “If you cannot empathize with the homosexual person because of fear of, or revulsion to them, then you are failing our Lord.” 

For me, I just wanted to be loved unconditionally.  I needed to be loved just the way I was.  I was so afraid of rejection that I could not tell anybody of my struggle.  Eventually my unwanted desires grew so strong that I gave into them. Then I started thinking my sin was not so bad after all.  When we keep giving into sin, it becomes like our favorite pair of worn jeans—the more you wear them, the more comfortable they become.  But God kept gently touching my heart.  He has given us a wonderful gift of free will.  I had to make a decision to respond to His love by reaching out for help, or I could just keep living my lifestyle the way I was and make it seem right.  See, it was Jesus’ love through others that brought me back.

Sometimes love boundaries will have to be set.  For example, if you have a friend who asks you to buy a 12 pack of beer and they struggle with alcoholism, you would tell them you love them, but you would not buy the beer.  Let’s look at a situation involving homosexuality.  Say your sister is having a civil union ceremony with her partner and you are invited. 

How would you lovingly set a boundary that does not compromise truth?  Sis, I love you very much, but you know I do not believe this is the best Jesus has for your life.  I will not be attending your ceremony, but I would love for us to go to lunch next week.

There are numbers of different situations that can occur. Pray.  Ask for wisdom and discernment from Christian friends, but most of all set the boundaries in love.  If you have any situations you want to talk about, please feel free to blog.     

God bless you all!

Redeemed,

Sydney Johnson

Print      Email to a Friend    posted on Thursday, August 07, 2008 4:43 PM

Comments on this post

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

When I was 6-7 years old I was molested frequently by a friend of the family.And,I grew up feeling very awkward.In other words I knew about sex way before I should have known.But,it didnt turn me too wanting relationships with the same sex though.For years I have struggled with sexual sin.And,when I look back at it I cant help but to put some of the blame on the person who did these things to me.Even though the person is dead.But I am in my late 20s,and I have got saved,baptized,and filled with the holy spirit.It was the best choice I ever really made.But its still a day-to-day struggle to keep my thoughts,and hormones under control.What I am wanting to say is that with Jesus homosexuals can break the chains that bind them.Or best of all,start over again.To all homosexuals,There is Help for you.And,Jesus who loved us so much that he died for us.Is the answer.Dont pass up his free gift of eternal life.
Left by wwjd12580 on Aug 08, 2008 1:41 AM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

In 1. Cor. 5&6 it tells us to treat these sins differently when someone professes to be a Christian and does them, contrary to someone in the world and not professing to be a Christian. It tells us to stay away from "believers" that live contrary to the Word of God and to not even eat with them. We can "eat" with those who practice sin and just are right out unbelievers.
Left by ezbless on Aug 08, 2008 3:19 AM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

It is good to pray for that person continuously, but at the same time if you are of the same sex as that person, and you feel that he/she is attracted to you, please do keep as far away as possible, sympathizing and praying for them, but still keeping that distance ........not judging them by any way...



Left by thommen999 on Aug 08, 2008 10:18 AM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

Sydney, fantastic!, great job you are such a blessing keep it up.
wwjd12580, I understand your pain I was molested at 5-6 and 8-9 and struggled for years with sexual sins. Keep up the good fight of faith there is deliverance in Jesus! Amen!
exbless, Luke 15:17; Luke 17:3 "Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. Luke 17:4 "And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, I repent, forgive him." 2 Timothy 2:24-26 24 The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, 25 with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, 26 and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, no.
Left by jcprice1 on Aug 08, 2008 12:01 PM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

exbless, the gospel is not onesided, 1 Cor 5&6 personifies what Sydney is saying, do not condone the sin. Matthew 18:21-35 and Luke 17:3-4, show the otherside, that is Love. Matthew 18:17 says 17"If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector." How did Jesus treat tax collectors, he ate with them and one became an apostle, and the Gentiles, well He brought salvation to all of us. We are here for the lost, even the one lamb who wonders away from the flock for Jesus said 12"What do you think? If any man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go and search for the one that is straying? 13"If it turns out that he finds it, truly I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine which have not gone astray.14"So it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones perish.
Left by jcprice1 on Aug 08, 2008 12:24 PM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

What about the person who says they are Christian but show absolutly no fruit of the Spirit, blatenly ursurp authority; refuses to change. I don't know nor do I want to judge that person as an unbeliever. I think it is dangerous to "eat" with this kind of person, this person looks to get control of any and all situations. If this person is a believer or not personal counseling might help if this person was willing. Since this person is not someone whom I don't have a personal relationship with and who is not willing to listen to anyone, I feel confident to just pray for this person. But if any one has some wisdom on this pass it on.
tatibch
Left by tatibch on Aug 08, 2008 3:11 PM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

God wants to set all of his children free! You too, wwjd12580, do not have to be controlled by your hormones and thoughts. You are not responsible for what happened to you when you were little. Jesus was there and he saw your pain. He wept over you then and He sees your struggle now. As hard as God pleaded for the person not to abuse you- an innocent child- He could not override your abuser’s will.
Reach out for support from a trusted friend and/or find a good Christian counselor. If Satan can isolate you he will. When a wolf attacks a group of sheep, he tries to scatter them and isolate the one he wants to devour. Then he attacks. You can be set free!! Our fight is not against flesh, but against principalities. Receive prayer and get some good accountability. We must pull together to fight Satan who is a liar and a thief. As hard as it is, forgive your abuser and go after a close relationship with Jesus. He is your healer and He loves you so much!! Thanks for sharing.
Left by sydneyjohnson on Aug 09, 2008 3:02 PM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

Ezbless and taibch, when I read I Cor. Chapter 5 & 6 and your blogs, I thought immediately about the ordination of Bishop Gene Robertson in the American Episcopal Church. He is arrogantly and flagrantly proclaiming his homosexuality and wanting to be a leader in the church. He has no remorse for his sin. And guess what the American Episcopal Church did? They ordained him. God have mercy on us! These Chapters are talking about people who are deliberately sinning, feel no guilt, refuse to repent and are IN the Church claiming to be Christians. The Church was ignoring their behavior and not challenging it. The Church needs to confront and discipline such a person in love. If the person does not respond to the discipline, then as a last resort they should be asked to leave the fellowship of the church. Gene Robertson should have been asked to leave the American Episcopal Church. Churches do need to not get sucked into the world’s tolerance of immoral behaviors. Believer will suffer.
Left by sydneyjohnson on Aug 09, 2008 3:05 PM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

I am a Christian and a lesbian - but I know that I can not serve two masters so I have been struggling knowing that I am going to hurt my girlfriend - who loves me with all her heart but as I have told her -- I can't proclaim to be a Christian and gay at the same time. I am glad for those of you who open your hearts to gays (not approving of their sexual preferences but just loving them as a person)and not judge them. I am possitive there are many gays that struggle with their lifestyles. Some can swept it under-the-rug for so long but prayers, christian examples and the Holy Spirit convicting their hearts will be the instruments God uses to touch them.

All I can say is that this world is not easy and we just need to really be kind and loving to each other. Please keep me in yours prayers.
Left by is4031 on Aug 12, 2008 9:29 PM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

is4031, it sounds like you are really missing the fellowship of your Heavenly Father. He is right there with you. Ask Him to give you the strength to do what He wants you to do. He sees the longing in your heart and He also wants to capture the heart of your girlfriend. You are not responsible for her relationship to God. You can only set an example, for her. You both can be set free. Start with small steps. Find someone in the church you can confide in. Get back into the word and just talk to Jesus about your situation. You will have to make some tough choices, but He will give you strength. He will take care of your friend also. Try not to let shame, guilt and fear of rejection keep you from talking to someone. Jesus loves you so much!! Do not cut off communication with Him. Invite Him into your struggle and reach out for support. He is your freedom. I also pray that your friend accepts Christ into her heart. You both are in my prayers!! God bless you!
Left by sydneyjohnson on Aug 14, 2008 2:40 PM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

Hello, I've never discussed my sexuality with anyone. I think I would be classified as bisexual. I was molested as a child by males and females. I am a young adul like. Like many younger people I have been exposed continually to this life style. I am not a practicing bisexual at this time because I love Jesus. He helps me everyday to make better decisions, but I find it hard. I recently met a man that is a Christian, but I suspect he is struggling with bisexuality just like me. God has given us both the desire to want to be parents and part of the spiritual community of the people of God. I am afraid because I don't know what God's plan is for us. I know that we are both powerfully attracted to each other and we are choosing to keep our relationship pure.Some friends of ours just got married and both of them were virgins. We really admire this and hope that somehow God can do that for us. Is there a safe place where couples can go to get help with perversion issue
Left by changekatnow on Aug 16, 2008 4:38 AM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

changekatnow, I admire your honesty, & earnestness to seek help. I would recommend that you seek out a good Christian counselor in your area, that can counsel you individually & perform premarital counseling as well. You should begin to deal with the issues of your past now, & not bring them into your marriage. If you believe that the man you are interested in is struggling as well, be honest & ask, communicate! Trust and communication are fundamental and absolutely required for a successful marriage. Trust must be built & communication learned. Jimmy & Karen Evans have a great ministry on marriage and its challenges try www.marriagetoday.org. As for your same sex desires, hand them over to God, pray earnestly that the Holy Spirit will lead you & direct you in finding peace. Ask that you can find the right people to come into your life to minister to you & guide you through this struggle. Matthew 7:7 ask & it will be given, seek & you will find, knock & the door will be opened to you.
Left by jcprice1 on Aug 19, 2008 11:10 AM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

changekatnow, God bless you for sharing your struggle. By bringing your struggle out into the light, it will start to lose it's power. Like jcprice said, find a christian councelor you can talk to about your unwanted same sex attractions. Going to counceling is hard,but very freeing. Do not try to fight this battle alone. Jesus loves you both very much and He wants to set both of you free. Both of you need to go after your individual/sexual healing first before you ever decide to get married and have children. The Lord will honor your decesion to get help. He sees your heart and it's wounds from your past. Go after your healing! It will be hard, but worth it. Keep bringing your struggle into the light! Jesus is so proud of you!!!
Left by sydneyjohnson on Aug 19, 2008 8:40 PM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

Hello changekatnow,

I understand how you feel. Although Ive never been molested on a continuous basis. Thank the Lord. Attempts have been made on me. I dont know if that has affected my thoughts or what since it wasn't as serious.

I also did not have my father as a vital part of my life for more than half of my life and Im 22 now. I mean he was there but we didnt talk much or do much toghether. So that could have affected my thoughts as well.

I also struggle with bisexuality and I am a girl. But I also know that it's not God's way. So Ive never really acted on my thoughts. But the thoughts have been with me since about 10 years old. Its definitely a struggle but God helps me thru it. Heck, sometimes I rather just be single.lol Well, not forever though. But anyway, thanks for your thoughts changekatnow. Im glad that God leads your life.
Left by tcs1985 on Aug 20, 2008 6:25 PM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

Someone who is gay wants to be my friend on an internet social network. His religion is listed as Christian but I am deeply confused. I lost my first love to Aids, and after all these years I realize I still have some anger because he "left me" through dying. This is all so crazy...what do I do?
Left by Tonn626 on Aug 22, 2008 1:03 PM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

Tonn626, guard yourself and choose your friends wisely. Just because someone says they are Christian does not necessarily mean they are. The old adage, preach a sermon everywhere you go, use words if you have to. This means that our actions should speak for us. It says in James 2:20 "Faith without works is dead" we must both think our Christian faith and live it through our actions. Social networking sites can be deceptive as a so-called "safe" way to interact with people. Many times these are wolves in sheep’s clothing. Think on all the stories you hear about criminals disguising themselves to meet underage children. I would encourage you to leave the anonymous life of online social networking and get involved in a good bible based church, find a ministry that interest you and meet people so that you can see if their lives are preaching the word of God.
Left by jcprice1 on Aug 25, 2008 9:36 AM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

Having anger from the death of your loved one, tells me you still have feelings of unforgiveness. Careful as unforgiveness that you do not deal with will turn to bitterness, which will infect your whole life. You can view a good article on forgiveness and bitterness here http://www.agoodreport.org/blog/2008/08/forgiveness-bitterness-and-moving-on/
Tonn626, seek God, pray to Jesus asking for discernment and to give you a heart and mind to forgive. Forgiving is as much about you as it is about the person you are forgiving. Jesus loves you pray to Him for His guidance. I pray that the Lord sends His Holy Spirit into your life to guide you and provide you with wisdom and discernment. I pray that the Holy Spirit brings you all comfort and peace releasing joy into your life. In Jesus name, Amen, Amen.
Left by jcprice1 on Aug 25, 2008 9:41 AM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

Excellent topic in this blog and it happens to be the title of a terrific book.
Written by Anita Worthen (she discovered her son, Tony, was gay) and Bob Davies (he was active in the homosexual lifestyle and turned his life over to Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit). The whole title of the book is "Someone I Love is Gay/ How Family and Friends Can Respond"
As one who left the homosexual lifestyle behind, I had the opportunity to counsel with Anita when she was with Love In Action, an ExGay ministry. She is wonderfully used by the Lord and I recommend this book to those whom homosexuality has personally impacted. It will really help with the pain and heartache that comes with the discovery that one of your loved ones is gay. With the power of Jesus and the Holy Spirit, there is hope for the person struggling with same-sex attractions. Prayer and relying on God's wisdom and timing is the best way to help those trapped in the homosexual bondage! There IS hope and new life!
Left by tombartig on Sep 25, 2008 1:52 AM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay


The article is great and the others I have read really do help.
I personally think those that have no one in their family that is gay you really can not give an honest opinon on how you feel, really feel in side.
When a child comes to you and tells you they are gay,it is totally different than just knowing people that are gay.
When it hits home.
We love those that are close to us more or those that come from our own bodies.
Can we walk in their shoes? There are so many questions to ask.
I know it has been a struggle for me as my youngest dautgher has informed me of her gayness at 31 years old. Makes you think of their entire life, what happen and why.
There are no whys, this is how they are, and they are to be loved in the same way you always did love them.
We are to love them as Christ does love them, because he does,and died for them as well.
It is not an easy thing right now, but in time God will overcome in her life.
Left by pickledust on Nov 16, 2008 12:41 PM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

I recently found out that my niece is gay. It is the last thing in the world that I expected to hear. When she told me I tried to act normal, but it was a great shock. Her father is not talking to her much and her mother thinks that it is a phase that she will get out of. None of them realise how deep she is involved.Although I have tried to maintain a loving relationship with her so she will know that someone in her family still loves and cares for her, I recently realised that she is keeping her distance and trying not to communicate too much with me. SHe is just so engrossed in the realationship that she is in. I am fearful of loosing her. I think and worry for her all the time since we live in two different countries. Every time God is mentioned she does not want to hear about Him. SHe just seems to have all the answers and know it all. Please pray for us. I need some Christian advice.
Left by lisoSa on Nov 25, 2008 10:22 PM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

lisoSa, My heart goes out to you, your neice and your family. Keep loving and praying for her and encourage her parents to do the same. She needs lots of love and support. She is pulling away from you because of her shame and guilt. Pray that the Lord puts good loving Christians in her life who will speak truth. I also encourage you and her parents to reach out for support. Go to the Exodus website shown on this website for information. Press into the Lord and relese your neice to Him. Godloves you family so very much and He sees the pain and tears that are shed. May the Lord comfort you and shine His face upon you. God Bless!!
Left by Sydney Johnson on Nov 29, 2008 3:31 PM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

My daughter has been struggling with bisexuality for most of her teenage years. She is now 21 and seems to be getting deeper and deeper into homosexuality. She just goes online now, meets women on the internet and leaves immediatly to go meet them. She has abandoned her straight friends from church completely. She believes in Jesus, has been baptized, but feels so much guilt and shame that she won't read her Bible or pray. She has no special girlfriend, but is searching for love and acceptance with all her energy. Her home life is pretty peaceful, her dad, sister and I try to show her love every chance we get. She is often affectionate toward us, but seldom respectful or cooperative if we want her do something with us. We are all perplexed by what must be driving her behavior. How should we respond to her? Anyone have any suggestions?
Left by strugglingmom on Dec 17, 2008 1:45 AM

# RE: When Someone You Love is Gay

strugglingmom Wow, your mother's heart must be breaking!! Pray for her protection and that she becomes miserable and gets help. Sounds like she has some intimacy issues and possible sexual addiction. She is really hurting!! You need support and I would reach out and find a good Christian councelor. Also, www.pfox.org and www.exodus-intenational.org are two websites that could help give some support. Pray,pray,pray some more and let God have her. You can only love her unconditionally and she can only make the decision to get help. I will be praying for you and your family. You press into Jesus and get as close to Him as you can. He Loves you and your family very much. God Bless You!!
Left by Sydney Johnson on Dec 25, 2008 7:15 PM