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Linda Mintle, Ph.D. is a licensed marriage and family therapist, author of 16 books, a national expert on family issues and the psychology of food and weight. She's an assistant professor in the department of pediatrics at Eastern Virginia Medical School, a national speaker, writer, and news contributor.

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Pornography: A Lie of Freedom That Leads to Bondage

Not too long ago, I was waiting for a doctor’s appointment and flipped through a number of magazines. One article caught my eye. It was titled, “Why Men Love Porn.”

In the article, Jake (whoever he was) advised women to not flip out over the use of porn by the men in their lives. According to Jake, porn can be an opportunity to “serve as a lighter fluid on the slow burn of monogamous relationships.’”

Jake needs to sit with me for a few hours of therapy and listen to the women I counsel whose marriages and relationships are destroyed because of pornography. This article was irresponsible, a lie and damaging to families. As a mom, I would not want my teen boy or girl reading this magazine, especially while waiting for an appointment!

What is the end goal for a magazine to print such nonsense? Money in the pockets of the porn industry? Porn is a thriving business! And if the porn industry can “normalize” pornography, it makes more money.

But let’s talk about the cycle of sexual addiction–first fantasy, then ritual, then acting out. A “little” porn is like a little cocaine. Encourage women and men to play with fire and they will get burned!

So for anyone who wonders about the real devastation that porn has on a relationship, I encourage you to read my friend, Debbie Laaser’s book, Shattered Vows–a first-hand account of how a Christian woman faced pornography in her marriage and stayed with her husband through the healing process. Debbie stayed, but not all women do or are expected to stay. And not all men get healing.

That is the damaging part of Jake’s advice. Most marriages are shattered by pornography and never repair. So to encourage anyone to embrace something that reduces sex to physical acts while objectifying women is unconscionable for any magazine.

Nothing good comes from giving in to the lust of the flesh. Pornography is addicting and results in relationships ruined. So parents, talk about this effort to normalize pornography with your teens. Couples, stay accountable to God first and then to your spouse. Porn is a lighter fluid for relationships. But the fire that is lit is not one of more intimacy, rather a fire of destruction.

If you or a family member is addicted to pornography, get help now.  With help, you can walk in sexual freedom.

Print      Email to a Friend    posted on Friday, July 18, 2014 4:27 PM

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