“Here is my advice. I would stay in school, get your degree, and then look for a job where you want to live.”
Sounds reasonable? Maybe, but if you are a twenty something, it will probably be received as…
“Thanks. I am sure that’s how you did it back in the day. But things are really different now.”
Your sage advice will most likely be traded for information found online and through conversations with peers. Welcome to parenting a 20-something!
According to a Pew Research Poll last year, 82 percent of young adults ages 18-29 (and 79 percent of those 30-74) believe there is a generation gap. The gap was defined as major differences between the younger and older generations in the way they think. Differences were noted in perspectives, work ethics, and technology. Thus, the advice of wiser, older Americans is not as welcomed as generations past.
Technology has changed the way young adults find and use information and advice. Instead of texting dad about which car to buy, a young adult gets online (probably using a Smartphone), reads expert and customers reviews and buys online. The opinions of older folks are marginalized. I concede that sometimes our advice is outdated, but I have also watched many young adults make ridiculous mistakes because they would not consider the opinion of dear old mom and dad. So where is the balance?
Here are a few tips (taken from the experts to whom I do listen):
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Talk about your assumptions when giving advice. Are they the same as the young adult? If not, listen to how he or she thinks. It can be eye-opening! You can discuss these assumptions based on scripture. While culture changes and ideas are rendered relative, God’s Word is the same.
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Do not tell him or her what to do. Instead make suggestions; “Here is an idea?” “Have you thought of…?” “I wonder what would happen if…”
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Avoid a lecture. Listen. Regardless of cultural changes, this is a good idea from a developmental perspective. Your communication style changes as young adults assume more responsibility. This generation seems to learn by experience.
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Do not refer to how things were when you did them at their age. Young adults are very clear about the world being a different place.
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Embrace technology and learn from them.
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Pray often and let them know you are on their team.
As a mom of a 20-something, I have found that when my approach is less defensive and authoritarian, I do have influence. I often remind myself that I poured into these kids so much when they were younger. They are smart and will remember what their father and I have taught them. Developmentally, they are flexing their independent muscles, need their brains to fully form, and will make mistakes. And that has not changed with the generations!
PROMO: Dr. Linda will be joining Ruth Graham in Brockville Ontario September 17 and 18 for the Ruth Graham and Friends conference at the Wall Street United Church. Be sure to watch her segments on the CBN News Channel and visit her website, www.drlindahelps.com.