It begins with attraction. You see him across a crowded room and can't take your eyes off of him. The passion that burns inside helps you overlook the fact that he can’t make a move without consulting his mother. Who cares? You are in love! And that initial desire burns intensely, rendering you oblivious to the red flags waving in the air.
What you may not know is that hidden deep in your biology is a chemical concoction working to create this loving feeling. Your brain is being soaked by a love cocktail, a powerful combination of neurotransmitters causing you to feel romantic love. For years, researchers believed that this love cocktail wore off after about 18-36 months, explaining why romantic love burns hot in the beginning of a relationship and then simmers to ember stage. Without an understanding of the biology of desire, we can easily think something has gone wrong and join the Righteous Brothers in singing, “I've lost that loving feeling and its gone, gone, gone.”
However, there is good news on the research front. Brain scans now reveal that romance can last—even past the effects of the love cocktail. In fact, we now believe long-term relationships can have that same passion as new love. Turns out that long-term relationships are less anxious and obsessive for the person in love (sounds like a good thing) and more calm and attached. When couples keep the emotional bond strong, their sex lives stay lively as well. And adding novelty to your relationship can reignite love.
So all you potatoes get off the couch and sign up for a couple's cooking or art class. Do something new to stimulate your relationship that breaks from ordinary life. New experiences stimulate dopamine in the brain, one of those love cocktail neurotransmitters that brings feelings of romance.
This Valentine's Day, forget the traditional candy and flowers and go on a picnic, get massages, or take a drive to a favorite romantic spot. Create a memory that strengthens the couple bond by doing something new to bring passion to your relationship. Romantic love doesn't have to fade over time. It just needs a few more shots of the love cocktail!
What ideas do you have to keep romance going in a long term relationship?
~ Dr. Linda