Recently, I received a tweet inviting me to meet actor Matthew McConaughey’s new baby. (You can meet her too by viewing the latest on-line celebrity photos.) This is the second child born to McConaughey and his girlfriend, Brazilian model Camila Alves. The happy couple was delighted to welcome little baby Vida into “the family”. Her parents are not married. They live together and reportedly are in no hurry to get married. Why?
According to PEOPLE.com, they say they are too busy bringing up a family to plan a wedding and McConaughey doesn’t feel like getting married now—not that he is opposed to the institution of marriage. He thinks marriage is healthy for many people and that “some people go through it some great ways.” (I don't know what that means!)
I’m really trying to understand this thinking. I think it means weddings are productions that require much time and planning. If you can’t handle the production schedule because of parenting and work demands, just skip the wedding and go right to cohabitation. And when you feel like getting married, make the decision.
Forget that marriage is a holy sacrament and covenant before God. Forget that one in five children in cohabitating families is poor, twice the rate of those living with married or adoptive parents. (I know this won’t apply to the McConaughey children, but how many of us make his salary?) Forget that behavioral problems also are higher among kids from cohabitating couples when compared to those with married parents. Forget that living together increases the chance of breaking up after getting married. I could go on, but you get the idea.
More couples are choosing to live together over getting married despite the negative outcomes for themselves and their children. This constant glamorizing of celebrity girlfriends/boyfriends having babies influences our thinking about marriage and the order of having children. Over time, many in our society have come to believe that cohabitation is no big deal, despite the big deal consequences. We begin to accept the out-of-order making of families because we have become culturally desensitized to it.
I wish Matthew and Camila all God’s best, but I’m also praying that they will reconsider taking the time to get married. It doesn’t have to be a lavish production. Maybe a quiet ceremony in which you make a vow to provide a life of stability for the two people who came before the vow. And for those of you thinking it is no big deal to have children before getting married, think again. Not only is it God’s plan to marry first, but it’s best for the kids.
Do you think the way media glamorizes celebrities who live together influences the way we think and feel about marriage and children?
~ Dr. Linda