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Paula Friedrichsen is a writer and speaker who lives in Central California with her family. She is also the author of The Man You Always Wanted Is the One You Already Have.

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The Husband Project Day 9: On My Mind

Project #9
On My Mind
Turning Your Thoughts Toward Him

Your Project:
Set up reminders during your day to think and pray for your husband. Let him know sometime during the day that he has been on your mind.

Thinking of Him, on Purpose  
 
What can you put in place to remind you to think about your husband throughout the day? Be creative. Maybe it’s a picture of him on your dashboard, or spraying his cologne on a scarf and keeping it in your purse. Whatever it is that reminds you of him, keep it around so you can call him later that day and say, “You’ve been on my mind all day.” Trust me, it will make his day.

Calling to Share the Love – Not the Load

"You had me at 'hello.'" - Renée Zellweger as Dorothy Boyd  in Jerry Maguire
   
“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” - Annie from the movie by the same name

Once you’ve prayed for your man, it may be time to let him know he’s been on your mind.

I say may, because it depends on the reason for your call. If your call is to let your husband know that you love him and that you have been thinking about him throughout the day – pick up that phone.

However, if you’re not totally intent on blessing him – think (and pray) before making that call. If you feel the need to vent, call your best friend or your mom – then call your man to let him know how great he is. I’m not saying hide things from your husband, but if you’re having a lousy day and your husband is not in a position to help, why share?

All I‘m saying is that, on most days, our goal should be to infuse our man’s day with love and light – not to burden him with our load. Obviously, if something big is going on in your life, and you need the love and support of your guy, there’s no reason to hide things from him. You know your husband and what a phone call during the day means to him.

How would your husband react if, instead of calling him to vent, or even rant, about how the kids have finger painted the cat, again, you called, not wanting anything but to tell him that you’ve missed him today.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones (Proverbs 17:22).

Not Calling – Sometimes the Best Gift You Can Give

“Whom we love best, to them we can say the least.” -  John Ray

If you’re one of those women who calls twelve times a day to let your husband know you ran out of low-fat mayo – perhaps the best gift you could give him would be not to call at all.

Part of the fun and excitement of dating is that there’s a sense of wonder, a tingly and eager anticipation. He thinks, “What is she doing right now? Is she thinking about me?” However, when we get married, there tends to be an eventual lack of intriguing surprises in a marriage. We know everything about each other; he knows what you look like in the morning pre-tooth brushing. He knows you at your best and at your worst. He knows all those little things that no one else knows. And that’s the problem.

Give him a chance to miss you. Leave a little mystery in the relationship. If you wonder why he doesn’t ask you about your day when you get home, perhaps it’s because you’ve been sharing every detail, moment by moment, throughout the day.

Some good boundaries for phone calls:

  • He doesn’t need to know what you had for lunch, unless he asks.
  • He doesn’t need a detailed rundown of every awful thing your kids have done. (Does he tell you every time one of his coworkers is being a pain in the rear?)
  • He doesn’t need to know that you forgot something at the store.

I know these sound crazy in the cold light of day, but these are actual conversations I’ve overheard, and they’re the main reasons that the wives called their husbands.

Make sure that you’re attuned to your husband’s natural rhythms. My guy is happy with a phone call during the day (in fact, he usually calls me at least once a day) but on his busiest days, I know it’s better to just send an e-mail letting him know that I‘m praying for him and thinking of him.

A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered (Proverbs 17:27).

Getting Creative

  • Set an alarm on your cell phone for every couple of hours today. Let this be a reminder to stop and pray for your husband throughout the day.
  • Do you have a picture of your husband on your cell phone? Make sure you do so that when he calls, his cute face will show up. (Ask a techie teenager to show you how to program this on your cell.)

Project Reports

“The best way for my husband to know I’ve been thinking about him during the day is to have his iced tea brewed and ready when he comes home. Another phone call interrupting his day does not communicate love for him. I just have to leave a sticky note reminder for myself to remember to do it.” - Karymn

“I always check in with my husband because he leaves for work at 4 am. So I usually call him and say good afternoon around 7am. Then I go into talk about questions for the day etc. Well today I called him and sang to him over the phone our song. He laughed and thought it was really cute. He said thanks for the laugh.” - Strawberry

“I decided to send e-cards to let him know I’m thinking of him. I signed up for a 30 day trial to Yahoo Greetings. I found a couple of laugh-out-loud funny ones that appealed to me. I plan on sending him a different e-card each day for the next week, starting today. If he likes it, I will keep the subscription. He’s worth the $13.99 annual fee!” - sugga_lamb

“On the way home from the repair shop (where my husband followed me so I could pick-up my car), I took a detour into a Starbucks coffee shop. He loves white chocolate mochas and I was sure he hadn’t had one in a while. While I was waiting for the coffees I called him and said ‘I am no longer in front of you, I stopped in a Starbucks to get us coffees,’ (I normally do not do that since I drink one cup of coffee in the morning but he drinks coffee all day). He said ‘Really? Can you get me a white chocolate mocha ? I haven’t had one in awhile and have been thinking of getting one,’ I told him I already did and I will be home very soon with it.” - Linda

Leave us a comment and let us know how you encouraged your man today.

 As the author of 'The Husband Project' Kathi Lipp speaks to groups across the country on how to put your marriage on Project Status.

Find out more about Kathi and the Husband Project Seminar at www.the husbandproject.org.

Print      Email to a Friend    posted on Wednesday, February 11, 2009 4:38 PM

Comments on this post

# RE: The Husband Project Day 9: On My Mind

My husband and I work opposite shifts, so it can be difficult to connect on busy days. But I'm so fortunate that he calls me every night during his break. I love that he enjoys talking to me. As a creative way to return the favor and show him I appreciate him, I've started leaving little love notes around the house for him to find when he comes home. He loves it!
Left by yougotmail on Feb 12, 2009 8:59 AM