by Amy Allen
from "A Redeemed Marriage"
(Second in Amy's series on sexual addiction)
When your life is shattered by your husband's infidelity or sexual addiction, it feels as if all strength has been knocked out of you like a death blow. But there are things you can do to restore your own strength, which can help your husband as well. Here are some I discovered.
1. Run to the Lord first when anything goes wrong. Cry out to Him and let Him comfort you and strengthen you. Your husband may be struggling with temptation and overcoming addiction and won't have anything left over to give to you. You must find your strength in the Lord or you, too, will spiral downward. - 1 Chronicles 16:11
2. Find a Bible study where you can learn and apply God's Word to your life. One that helped me realize God allows trials in our lives for a reason was, “Keeping your focus when your dreams are shattered.” It is the story of Joseph's life and how his brothers sold him into slavery, but God had a purpose through it all – the saving of many lives! - Genesis 50:20
3. Create a gratefulness journal. If we dwell on our sorrows, our lives will get swallowed up with grief. Try keeping a journal where you write 5 – 10 things you are thankful for that day. It can be as simple as, “I got out of bed!” A friend suggested this to me when I first found out about my husband's affair and it really helped me focus on the many blessings in my life. - Psalm 50:23 NLT
4. Eat properly. Nothing saps your energy faster than a horrible diet! It may be hard to make yourself eat if you feel a lump in your stomach all the time, or you may comfort yourself with all the wrong foods. Either way, you need to eat well to feel strong. Making a smoothie for myself every morning is one easy way to get my fruits and vegetables for the day. Try adding fresh spinach to a fruit smoothie – you can't even taste it and it's so good for you! - Joel 2:25-27
5. Exercise regularly. When you are grieving and hurting it's the last thing you want to do, I know. You'd rather stay in bed and cry all day. But if you can get outside, take a walk or even start an exercise class; you'll strengthen your body, mind and spirit. I started kickboxing – it helped get me in great shape plus I could punch and kick out all the rage I had inside! - Isaiah 40:31
6. Find something to make you laugh – a silly movie, your kids or other's kids, Christian comedians. They say that laughter is good medicine and it is! Even the Bible tells us so. At least for awhile, your mourning will turn to joy. - Proverbs 17:22, Nehemiah 8:10
7. Spend time with friends. It's so helpful to be with other women who love the Lord. Let them pray for you, encourage you, and build you back up. We all go through struggles in life and it's so helpful when we can share one another's burdens. - Galatians 6:2
8. Memorize Scripture. One way is to find 3 x 5 inch notecards that are spiral bound and write a different verse on each card. It's small enough to carry in your purse, or you can prop it up next to your bathroom sink or keep it on your office desk and look at it throughout the day. Over time, you'll memorize verses without much effort! - Psalm 119:11
9. Encourage someone else. Another wonderful way to get our minds off of our own problems is to help or encourage someone else. Write a nice note, smile at the checker at the grocery store, give a hug. When we lift someone else's spirits ours are lifted a little, too. - 1 Thessalonians 5:11
10. Ask God for strength. Don't be afraid to ask God for exactly what you need. He tells us in His Word that many times we don't have because we don't ask. He is pleased to give you what only He can provide. - 1 John 3:21-22
Remember: God is our refuge and strength. An ever-present help in trouble. ~ Psalm 46:1
Father, I pray that you will strengthen the person reading this. Help them to see past the hurt and pain and look to you for their comfort and hope. Only You can provide everything our hearts desire. You are the One who has a plan even when situations seem hopeless. You promise that you will work everything together for good for those who love You and are called according to Your purpose. Even this, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Many spouses are facing these issues, today more than ever with the ease of accessing Internet pornography. God sees you and your struggles. Use this forum to share your hurts and your victories.
Links in this Series by Amy Allen:
First: When You First Discover Infidelity
Second: How to Find Strength When Your Husband is Weak
Third: Your Cheating Spouse: You Can't Fix Them, Spy On Them, Or Force Them to Stop
Fourth: How to Find Trust After the Affair
Fifth: No Quick Fixes for a Crumbling Marriage
Sixth: Finding Your True Worth When You've Been Betrayed
Seventh: Are You Enabling Your Spouse's Sin?
Eighth: The Best Tool for Restoring Relationships
Ninth: How to Build Teamwork in a Restored Marriage
Tenth: Restoring the Sexual Relationship in a Marriage
About Author, Amy Allen: When my husband's internet pornography addiction led to an affair, then acting out with prostitutes, I filed for divorce. But God used what seemed hopeless to bring us both into a real relationship with Jesus. He also redeemed our marriage. You can watch our testimony on The 700 Club(www.cbn.com/media/player/index.aspx) or visit our website athttp://www.aredeemedmarriage.com/. There truly is hope and healing for your marriage when you allow Jesus to redeem it! Tim and Amy Allen