Battling Addictions - Help for Christians

When You First Discover Infidelity

Beth Livingston — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 20:14:33 GMT

by Amy Allen
Guest Blogger
from "A Redeemed Marriage"
http://www.aredeemedmarriage.com/

When my husband's internet pornography addiction led to an affair, then acting out with prostitutes, I filed for divorce. But God used what seemed hopeless to bring us both into a real relationship with Jesus. He also redeemed our marriage. These are just some of the things I wish I had known or done when I first found out my husband was being unfaithful.

1. You didn’t cause your husband to act out in this way. There may be some things lacking on your part, there’s no such thing as the perfect wife, but at the end of the day – he chose to sin against God. (James 1:13-15)

2. Don’t take it personally. He didn’t do this just to hurt you or make you suffer or punish you for something you’re not doing – he’s just being selfish and seeking to please himself. Depending on how ensnared he is in the addiction, he may think he needs the pornography or the other woman or the prostitutes, but he doesn’t. He may tell you it’s your fault or take the blame upon himself. But either way, you have to get beyond your feelings and try not to wallow in self-pity – it only makes it harder to get to the root issue. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

3. You must hold him responsible for his own actions. Denial is huge – it seems like the easier way out, but relief is only temporary. Do not allow the behavior to continue, but seek to find out why it started in the first place. If necessary, separate from him physically for while, until he takes ownership of his actions. (Ephesians 4:15)

4. Affirm your love for him. Make sure he knows you love him and that you want to work through this together. Don’t threaten to leave or divorce him – that only makes him want to hide the whole truth from you. (Romans 12:9-12)

5. Don’t shame him. We all have secret sins that need to be dealt with. Thank God that He brought this into the light so you can work on it together. Let your husband confess his sins to you, take ownership of them and repent. (1 John 1:8-9)

6. Do not become bitter with unforgiveness. If your husband has asked for forgiveness, you must forgive him. This may not come immediately, but it must be dealt with quickly before bitterness, hatred or rage overtake you. Remember everything that God through Christ has forgiven you of. (Matthew 18:21-35)

7. Don’t try to retaliate or have an affair yourself to get him back. That will only make matters worse and give him a reason in his own mind to keep doing what he is doing. (Romans 12:17-21)

8. Get plugged into a women’s Bible study where you can study the truth of God’s word in-depth and apply it to your life. This is where you will gain your strength and the wisdom to move forward one step at a time. (Hebrews 4:12-13)

9. Pray for your husband. A great book to help you pray specifically for him is, “The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie O’Martian. This is one of the greatest things you can do to promote healing in your marriage. (James 5:16)

10. Ask God if you have been disrespecting your husband in any way. Ask your husband as well. His greatest need is to feel respected by his wife and if he doesn’t, he may start to act in ways that make him feel respected or in control. A great book that explains the different needs of men and women is “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. (Ephesians 5:33)

Remember: you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength! ~ Philippians 4:13

Father, I pray for the person reading this, whether a wife or a husband who may have been betrayed by their spouse. Lord, only You know their individual circumstances. Please help them to know where to go from here, who to ask for Biblical counsel and how to find strength in Your Word. I pray, Lord, that You will give them Your eyes to see their spouse the way You do, that You will enable them to love with Your agape love and that there can be true forgiveness as You have called them to. For the spouse who was caught with this sin I pray for true repentance; that You will bring them to the end of themselves, and they will realize that only in You can they find true forgiveness and restoration. Help them to take responsibility for their own actions and to be able to see the hurt they have caused their spouse. Help them to not make excuses for their behavior, but instead use this to show them their need to depend on You for everything. I pray all these things in Jesus' name. Amen.

About Author, Amy Allen: When my husband's internet pornography addiction led to an affair, then acting out with prostitutes, I filed for divorce. But God used what seemed hopeless to bring us both into a real relationship with Jesus. He also redeemed our marriage. You can watch our testimony on The 700 Club (www.cbn.com/media/player/index.aspx) or visit our website at http://www.aredeemedmarriage.com/. There truly is hope and healing for your marriage when you allow Jesus to redeem it! Tim and Amy Allen

Find A Safe Refuge

Beth Livingston — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 19:24:59 GMT

by M. Sellers
Guest Writer

Keep me safe, O God, for I have come to you for refuge.
~ Psalm 16:1, NLT

Not that long ago, people fleeing from the law could claim sanctuary in a Church. Now this could be for many different reasons. Sometimes it was for people that were actually criminals and were seeking sanctuary to get away from possible lynch mobs. They would claim sanctuary and the Church would help by keeping them safe until the authorities could take over and ensure that due process was taken care of. There were also people who would claim sanctuary that were being persecuted. People who were in danger either politically or from religious zealots were provided sanctuary in Churches and kept safe. It was a place they could go if they had done no wrong -- if they were just being persecuted for their beliefs or the way they lived. The Church would make sure they were safe and help them.

As I think about this road to recovery, I think of refuge. I think of sanctuary. For a long time many of us looked for refuge. What we found was life in a bottle, a life full of drugs, full of food disorders, full of depression, full of struggles. When we were left to try and figure it out on our own, it was a struggle. We faced our issues and we tried to overcome them and failed miserably.

I struggled with anger, with pride and with a lot of drinking for a long time. During all those years of struggling, I looked for refuge. When things were at their darkest for me, when I thought I couldn't go on any longer, I turned to Him. I turned to Christ and cried out for sanctuary, for safety, and for freedom. With all I had done in my life, with all the drinking, the drugs, with hurting the people I loved the most, He could have turned His back on me but instead, He opened His arms, He told me He was my refuge and He could save me and lead me on the road to recovery -- a road filled with peace, with love, with Him.

So today as we are all walking our own personal roads to recovery I ask you what are you holding on to? Have you truly turned your life, your entire life over to Christ? He is there for you, He wants to be your refuge, your sanctuary, your safety.

Turn to Him, He will wrap His arms around you and you will never be alone again.

Naive No More

Beth Livingston — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 16:39:55 GMT

by Donna Collins Tinsley
Guest Blogger

Sometimes as a mother and grandmother I find that I am just too naive about drugs and addictions so I decided to do something about it.

"Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her, and she will preserve you; Love her, and she will keep you. Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.” Proverbs 4:4-7

It was my first time at the Substance Abuse Task Force Forum. I soon found out that around the table sat people from all walks of life. Doctors, workers from the school system, people from the local drug treatment centers and people representing the Faith based community were all there. Addictions breaks down the barriers we sometimes feel about those in different walks of life. I was grateful to see a friend that goes to a support group for families who have loved ones with addictions and went over to sit by her.

The meeting was very well organized and well run. It became evident who was there in the professional capacity and who had been hurt by addictions personally, although they seemed at times to overlap. The people whose stories and input moved my heart most were the parents who had lost loved ones. Full of pain, anger and frustration these parents not only wanted help and resources in the community, they demanded it.

One mother said the cost of housing and providing an attorney for the man who gave her young son a lethal dose of methadone was much more than the cost of bringing NOPE (Narcotics Overdose Prevention and Education http://www.nopetaskforce.org/) to our county. She was there to get the word out, to make sure that her beautiful son did not die in vain. She was there to help save other middle school students, if at all possible.

I remember reading about this young teenager earlier in the year, whose body was found after dumpster diving for drugs. As I read the newspaper article my heart went out to this mother. She was in my prayers. The man responsible has been indicted on a charge of first-degree felony murder in connection with the death.

The perpetrator told the children how to retrieve discarded Methadone bottles from the dumpster. The boys went into the dumpster and retrieved two large bags full of plastic Methadone bottles. The trio returned to a home where small amounts of Methadone from each bottle was extracted and shared with the two boys.

The boys later became sick and passed out. The woman at the forum's son never awoke and was discovered dead the next morning. This man used teenagers to get his high from drugs and now one boy is not alive and there is another grieving mother because of drugs. What a horrible thing to happen to a young child at the hand of his neighbor.

How heartbreaking for this mother, yet she was there to try and make a difference for another family, so perhaps they can be spared the pain she has experienced.

We all need to become more educated concerning what is going on in our communities. As Forums are provided within the community, take advantage of the knowledge and education provided. And then pass it on to others in need. I think "naive no more" will be my motto as I strive to "get wisdom."

The Message says it this way:
Sell everything and buy Wisdom! Forage for Understanding!
   Don't forget one word! Don't deviate an inch!
Never walk away from Wisdom—she guards your life;
   love her—she keeps her eye on you.
Above all and before all, do this: Get Wisdom!
   Write this at the top of your list: Get Understanding!
Throw your arms around her—believe me, you won't regret it;
   never let her go—she'll make your life glorious.
She'll garland your life with grace,
   she'll festoon your days with beauty."
Dear friend, take my advice;
   it will add years to your life.
I'm writing out clear directions to Wisdom Way,
   I'm drawing a map to Righteous Road.
I don't want you ending up in blind alleys,
   or wasting time making wrong turns.
Hold tight to good advice; don't relax your grip.
   Guard it well—your life is at stake. The Message Proverbs 4:5-9

Donna Collins Tinsley, wife, mother and grandmother, lives in Port Orange, Florida and has been included in several magazines and book compilations. Find her at Facebook, http://thornrose7.blogspot.com/ or join Somebody’s Mother Online Prayer Support Group at http://www.facebook.com/groups/119408188089314?id=244911885538943
Please email her at Thornrose7@aol.com /

Trading Our Sorrows and Shame

Beth Livingston — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 20:28:07 GMT

by Beth Livingston
Certified Recovery Specialist

How do we deal with death, betrayal, injustice, suffering, and other causes of sorrow? With an addiction, we usually turn to our drug of choice. Whether it’s something we drink, eat, smoke, or a behavior we like to get lost in (like Internet gaming, gambling, or pornography), we use it as the place we take our pain. And for a little while, we dodge the hurt. When the sadness returns, we repeat our behavior and the cycle continues.

Unfortunately, our escape routes lead us back to where we began – facing the pain. When we’ve turned to our addiction, we have usually picked up shame to accompany our sorrow. It may simply be feeling ashamed because we turned to the one place we were trying not to go anymore or it could be more publicly shameful, like an arrest or getting fired from a job. Then we use again because we’re ashamed. Our addiction is fed and we remain in the unhealthy cycle.

What if we were offered a new solution? A place to take our sorrow and shame where it wouldn’t be handed right back to us? That’s what Jesus offers us. In the scripture, He says, “Come to me all ye who are weak and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” He’s willing to make a trade. He says to bring Him our troubles and He’ll exchange them with peace. Sounds so simple. Why don’t we do that?

Well, somewhere along the way we decided (either consciously or sub-consciously) that God’s solution wasn’t enough for us. We chose to supplement God’s solution with a little bit of our own solution. We might say a prayer and when we don’t feel any better, we return to our familiar way of handling these emotions. Turns out, we simply lack the faith that brings about change. How do we get that kind of faith?

The scriptures tell us to confess our sins and repent. 1 John 1:9 says, “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.” Acts 3:19 says, “Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away.” This means we tell God straight up that we have turned to something other than Him to seek relief; that we have sinned by not seeking Him first. We tell Him we’ve not put our trust in Him alone and we ask Him to forgive us. That’s confession. However, the words don’t mean anything unless our hearts are truly in agreement with our mouths.

The only way our hearts can be in it is if we realize the basic truth of our faith and that is that Jesus loved us so much that he physically suffered and died for our sins. He wanted us to be able to have God’s peace. In John say14: 27, Jesus says, “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid.” He wanted us to have this peace so much that he was willing to accept all the punishment for all the wrongdoing we’ve ever done. He was murdered and mocked for us. A thankful heart and a sincere heart develop from a deep realization of what our actions say to the Lord when we choose to take our worries elsewhere.

For example, picture yourself standing with the crowd, looking up at Jesus hanging on the cross in agony. Would you consider looking at Him and saying, “Sorry Jesus, that’s not going to be enough for me. I won’t be able to trust you with everything in my life. I’m going to handle my problems by turning to _______ (fill in the blank with your behavior/addiction) instead.” That’s basically what we tell Him when we choose to turn to our addiction instead of Him. He gave his life for us. He rose up from the grave three days later and proved the power of Almighty God is greater than any power on this earth. When we realize what an insult we’ve hurled at God by saying He’s not enough, our hearts should break. With a humbled and broken heart, what we feel will match our words. Our hearts will be ready to receive the kind of faith that brings about change.

Change is the same thing as repent. We turn from ourselves and we turn to God. That’s trading our sorrows and shame. And as the song goes, “I’m trading it all [sorrow and shame] for the joy of the Lord.” What a trade!

Would you like to accept Jesus’ forgiveness of sins and make Him Lord of your life? Have you done that before, but never really went deep enough in your relationship with Jesus to know the peace that He offers? Please call CBN’s prayer center and tell the person who answers the phone of your need. They will help you. Call 1-800-759-0700 or visit CBN’s online prayer center at http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/PrayerAndCounseling/index.aspx.

Seeking Self-Control: A Lifelong Resolution

Beth Livingston — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 20:01:36 GMT

By Beth Livingston
Certified Recovery Specialist

The menu description could not have been more tempting: “Fresh baked double chocolate brownies topped with vanilla ice cream and draped with a rich dark chocolate hot fudge sauce.”

“My, that sounds delicious,” my mouth and my stomach messaged to my brain (who I had put in charge of enforcing my decision to cut back on calories).

My waist and my thighs cried out, “Have mercy!”

Then my longing heart joined the pro-brownie team, adding, “Remember how soothing and pleasing a chocolate dessert makes you feel?”

My brain’s pleasure center had maxed out on the choc-o-meter and willfully rejected its duty to hold me to the diet plan. “I’ll have one of those please,” a cheery voice chirped from my lips.

Later, when the taste no longer lingered and my waist band was uncomfortable, I thought, “My gosh! I’m like an addict when it comes to chocolate!” I love the taste of it, the smell of it, the thought of it … I could go on and on. It’s my comfort food; a warm and calming friend. Had the dessert been apple pie, the mutiny would not have taken place aboard my vessel. The goal of calorie reduction is somewhat safe UNLESS an irresistible chocolate temptation comes my way.

As I pondered the defeat I had just handed myself, I was reminded that what I lack is self-control. What most addicts lack is self-control. Unfortunately, it’s not something we can pick up at any store or order online. We have to figure out how to get some. Here’s a little recipe we can use.

Recipe for Self-Control

Ingredients: Self-Denial, Truth, Commitment, and Prayer

Directions: Begin with making a sincere commitment for change to yourself, to God, and to another person. Whatever it is we want to stop or start doing, without strong commitment to this change, nothing will be different. Avoid using the statement, “I’m trying to …” and instead say, “I’ve made a commitment to …” The purpose of telling another person is for accountability. As the days, weeks, and months pass, we should be in regular contact with this person, letting them know how we are doing with the change, confess any missteps, and talk about struggles. You could even set up a specific day of the week or time of each day for an accountability conversation (working it out beforehand as to who is calling who when.) Being willing to be held accountable demonstrates commitment.

Second, open the scriptures on a regular basis and read God’s Word. If you don’t know where to start, try one of these books: Psalms, John, Galatians, Proverbs, or Colossians. You might also want to get a Life Recovery Bible by Tyndale Publishers, as it has wonderful devotional readings for making life changes. When you read the scriptures in the Bible, take a moment along the way to ask yourself what God is saying to you personally in the reading. We feed our souls and minds truth as we read God’s Word and He helps us apply it to our lives.

Take regular heaping amounts of self-denial by simply saying “NO” to yourself. We must deny ourselves the pleasures that our bodies and minds desire that are outside of God’s will for our lives. Jesus tells us in Matthew 16:24 to “turn from our selfish ways.” Change does not come for those of us who give in to temptation. As the old saying goes, “let your ‘no’ be ‘NO!’”

Add prayer generously to the mixture of commitment, truth, and self-denial. We need to pray when we know we are being tempted, asking for us to be able to withstand the temptation without giving in. We need to pray when we realize there is inner turmoil and ask Jesus to help us choose correctly. We need to pray when we find ourselves in and/or as we’re removing ourselves from situations where temptation is strong. If we are going to have the finished product of self-control, it’s really a matter of seeking supernatural strength from Holy providers to accomplish the task.

As for me, I needed to pray when I was obsessing over the decadent brownie dessert. I needed to ask God to help me withstand the temptation. My desire to curb my calories is for His glory, as I want to keep this vessel healthy. I could have prayed for Jesus’ help to fold up the menu and/or order something healthy. I could have left the restaurant and prayed silently on the way out the door, thanking God for giving me the courage to get out of there if that was the surest way to avoid the temptation. Regardless of the situation, our God will provide a way of escape.

Lifelong Resolution

This is now my lifelong resolution and I hope you’ll make it yours too:

“I relinquish my control and lack of self-control to the one who relinquished His life for me.”

I believe that through a constant and sincere desire and actively seeking to know Jesus more and more, He will give us the gift of His self-control through the Holy Spirit that dwells in us who believe in Him. We thank you God for loving us through the transition.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit's leading in every part of our lives. Galatians 5:22-25 NLT

The Struggle to Eat Right at Christmas Time

Beth Livingston — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 17:09:09 GMT

By Yonne Ortega
Guest Writer

Philippians 3:19: “Their god is their stomach.”

With Christmas teas, Christmas cookie exchanges and Christmas parties, the overeater or compulsive eater can go through the season on the roller coaster of a sugar high followed by a crash in glucose level.

If you have a problem with overeating or compulsive eating, you may find it helpful to answer these questions:
1. Do you weigh 20% or more than the medically recommended weight for your height?
2. How do you feel about your personal appearance?
3. Has a family member, a friend or a physician expressed concern about your eating habits or your physical health and appearance?
4. Do you eat to comfort yourself?
5. Do you eat to reward yourself?
6. Do you eat when you’re bored?
7. Do you hide food for yourself?
8. Do you lie to yourself and others about how much you really eat?

To break the stronghold food has on you, spend time with the Lord after you’ve answered these questions. Ask him to help you eat in moderation all the time, not just during the Christmas season.

Join a support group. There are several groups, both Christian and secular, that you can attend in the USA. You can go to First Place or Celebrate Recovery which several churches offer. You can also attend Overeaters Anonymous, Tops (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) or Weight Watchers. Some are free. Some charge a fee for materials or each meeting. You can call or check online for the times, places and fees.

You can follow the 12 steps just as recovering alcoholics and drug addicts do.

You need a sponsor or an accountability partner and a prayer partner as much as an alcoholic or a drug addict does. You will not conquer compulsive eating or overeating on your own.

You will gain confidence as you repeat Scriptural affirmations daily, such as:
1. “I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken” (Psalm 16:8).
2. “I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word” (Psalm 119:147).
3. “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak” (Isaiah 40:29).

This Christmas season abstain completely from your trigger foods or trigger situations as you strive to get your health back and your life in order. For you, there is no such thing as one Christmas cookie or one potato chip anymore than there is one drink for the alcoholic or one puff of marijuana for the drug addict.

Drink water. Look for the salad bar or the veggie and fruit trays at those Christmas events.

You will find divine strength in praise and worship, Scripture memory and prayer.

One to three support group meetings weekly and daily exercise will also help you treat your body, the temple of the Holy Spirit, with the care and respect that temple deserves.

“Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always” (Psalm 105:4).

Yvonne Ortega is a ten-year breast cancer survivor, Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Substance Abuse Treatment Practitioner, Clinically Certified Domestic Violence Counselor, and bilingual speaker. She is the author of Finding Hope for Your Journey through Breast Cancer (Revell) and a contributing author to The Embrace of a Father (Bethany House) and Transformed (Wine Press). She has also been published in several magazines online and hard copy. She hosts “Hope for the Journey with Yvonne Ortega,” a blogtalkradio show on trauma, such as breast cancer, addiction and domestic violence at www.blogtalkradio.com/hope-for-the-journey. Check her website at http://www.yvonneortega.com/ and her blog on addiction and domestic violence at http://www.yvonneortega.blogspot.com/.

Turn it Over to Jesus

Beth Livingston — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 22:29:45 GMT

by M. Sellers
Guest Writer

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. ~ Proverbs 3:5, NLT

I read a story the other day about a man who owned a Model T Ford that broke down on the side of a road. Now this man knew a lot about cars and specifically this car, so he went to work. He tried different things and each time he went back to try and crank the engine, it still wouldn't start. Now, like a lot of us guys, he was a little stubborn, so rather than call for help, he continued to work. He tried different things and still nothing. The car just wouldn't start.

A few minutes later a large limousine pulled up beside him. Out stepped an old man who just stood and watched him for a few minutes. Finally the old man looked at him and told the younger guy to adjust a specific part on the engine.

The guy figured he tried most other things so he might as well give this a shot even though there was no way this old guy could know more about this car than him. So he adjusted the part, got in the car and sure enough, the engine cranked to life. He was surprised and asked the old man, "How did you know what to do?" The old man said, "My name is Henry Ford and I invented this car."

When my life broke down, I also thought I knew how to fix everything. I didn't need any help. When I was 11, I was hanging around with friends and we knew how to be cool, how to fix things, so we picked up our first cigarettes. I was hooked. When my Mom got sick I was 13, (she died when I was 16) I thought I'd fix that by turning to drinking and to drugs. It worked until the alcohol and the drugs were gone.

Finally, when I was going through my second divorce, looking at a life I would spend alone, I turned to Him. I turned to Christ and I asked Him to help me.

Christ knew how to fix me and suddenly I was up and running again. Now things weren't perfect right away and they still aren't. But each day He fixes me a little bit more. Each day, I worry less about breaking down and not being able to start. I know He is with me and He will help keep me.

Henry Ford knew how to fix the Model T Ford because he created it. And God knows how to fix you and me because we are His creation. He has been with us from the beginning and He knows how to fix each of us.

So today it's time to turn everything over to Christ. Sometimes we just turn the big stuff over and we begin to break down. It's time to turn it all over. Christ created me. He created you. So, when life gets tough -- when you begin to struggle or feel broken, turn to Him. Turn to Christ, He can fix you. He created us and He knows exactly what we need.

What are you willing to turn over to Christ today? He stands at the door of your heart and knocks. He's always been there and always will be.

Thanksgiving for Those in Recovery

Beth Livingston — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 19:38:52 GMT

by Yvonne Ortega
Guest Writer

“If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer” (Matthew 21:22).

Thanksgiving can be a tough time for those in recovery from substance abuse. You may visit family or friends who serve alcohol and insist that everyone have a drink. They don’t understand addiction. They think because they can have one drink and stop that everyone else can too. We know the truth.

Perhaps family and friends don’t insist, but you drink to avoid feeling like the odd one there. In a desperate attempt to fit in, you take that drink and begin the vicious cycle of drinking or drugging again.

Eighty per cent of those who relapse on cocaine do so after one drink of alcohol.

I visited a former client in jail who told me about the family reunion he attended. He was sure one drink wouldn’t hurt him. His girlfriend and I had told him many times it would, but he felt sure he could prove us wrong.

One thing led to another. He got behind the wheel of a car with a suspended driver’s license, had an accident and fled the scene. Within a few days, the police found him, and he was incarcerated again.

He said, “Keep telling people the truth, Ms. Yvonne.” A tear rolled down his cheek. “Just one drink. That’s all it took.”

I nodded and promised I would continue to tell them the truth.

I stepped into the elevator and took another look at him as we waved a final good bye to each other.

I fought tears. He had given up his job, his girlfriend, his freedom for a drink of alcohol.

He hadn’t stopped to think of the consequences—consequences he had faced in the past. He was sure he was different. He wasn’t like the others. He was an addict, but he could have one drink and stop. He would show everybody.

He believed a lie straight from the pit of hell. He paid dearly.

What could have happened if he had prayed before taking a drink to his lips?

What could have happened if he had been thankful for all he gained through abstinence and thought about that instead?

What could have happened if he didn’t think he was special and the rules didn’t apply to him?

What could have happened if he had taken his sponsor with him to the family reunion?

Hindsight is always 20-20. The time to develop a plan is before the Thanksgiving festivities ever begin.

If you think someone will serve alcohol or have other drugs around during the Thanksgiving weekend, please respect yourself and your recovery enough not to go there. You are better off at home with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

“Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe” (Psalm 61:1-3).

Yvonne Ortega is a Licensed Substance Abuse Treatment Practitioner, national bilingual speaker, author of Finding Hope for Your Journey through Breast Cancer, host of “Hope for the Journey with Yvonne Ortega,” a blogtalkradio show on addiction and trauma. Check her website, http://www.yvonneortega.com/ and blog on addiction and domestic violence, http://www.yvonneortega.blogspot.com/

Finding Light in the Darkness

Beth Livingston — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 23:01:33 GMT

by M. Sellers
Guest Writer

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. ~ James 1:19, NLT

As a sailor, I learned that you have to make a decision and it has to be now. That can be a good thing in some situations, but I truly struggle in life because I am always quick to make decisions. I struggle with the "Let go and let God" phrase we speak of often.

Sometimes when my beautiful wife hase had a particularly tough day at work, she wants to talk about it. When shestarts to tell me about her day, many times I catch myself trying to tell her what she could do to fix whatever happened that day. The reality is, she is a beautiful, intelligent woman that really doesn't need me to tell her what I would do, she just needs someone to listen. I have gotten better, but those old habits still creep in sometimes and I have to be reminded that I don't need to fix everything.

Today, I do a fair amount of traveling for work. Many nights are spent in different hotels in various places. Sometimes, I wake up at night in that unfamiliar room and need to get a drink or use the men's room. It is dark in that room, it's an unfamiliar place. So I grope around that room to find a drink or to make my way through and around the bed. I can bump into things, get frustrated.

Now it would be pretty easy to turn the light on but I'm not all that smart sometimes. So I grope around until I finally give up and turn a light on. When that light comes on, I can see. I can find my way around the room without tripping on anything and then find my way back to bed. Rather than trying to do things in the dark, I listen to what my body is staying and it's usually saying, "turn on the lights!!!" By turning that light on, by listening to what my body was saying, I can avoid frustration and anger. Listening is a pretty simple process but it can be so hard to accomplish sometimes.

Our life if Recovery is like groping around in the dark. Many times when we are faced with the dark, all it takes is for someone to turn the light on to help us work our way through the issue we're facing. That light could be something as simple as a phone call or sitting down over a cup of coffee and listening.

We find this ability to listen as we work our way through the steps and principles of recovery. In fact, it’s the greatest gift we can give to our recovery family.

When we are in our groups, we have a great opportunity to actually listen to each other and not necessarily fix each other. We know that God will work in us and we are there as His tools to show each other love and compassion. We are all in this together and we join with others each week so everyone can have a safe place to be heard and be loved. No one has to be alone; we can always be there to listen to each other.

So this message is about listening. It's about realizing that we are all in the dark. There is only one light in this world and that light is Jesus Christ. On our own, we are all groping in the dark but by listening, by joining together to really hear each other, we can be each other's light. We can lean on each other, we can listen to each other, we can help each other when one of us is in the dark. It's time to stop walking in the dark, it's time to turn on the lights.

What has helped you or hurt you in small group recovery sessions that you might like to share on this blog? We all want our group experiences to bring us closer to freedom and closer to Christ. What can we do to make positive impact?

Realizing the Power of Our Words

Beth Livingston — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 21:24:02 GMT

by M. Sellers
Guest Writer

Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing. ~ Proverbs 12:18, NLT

"Sticks and stones may break our bones but words will never hurt us......." We all have heard that saying before. Words can never hurt us....except when they do.

I remember when I was in 3rd grade. I was a really good student then. I did all my homework, tried to always get the best grade in class. Up until that point, I never got anything lower than an A on anything.

One day, we had a science test. I had been sick and missed a few days but had tried to keep up with my work. When the teacher handed out the tests, I took a look at it and realized I had been going over the wrong stuff. This test might as well have been written in Chinese. I had no idea how to answer many of the questions.

I finished the test and the day ended. The next day, we got our tests back. I got a 55. I was embarrassed. I felt really bad. I tried to put my paper in my bag really quickly but someone had seen it.

When we left school that day we went outside and all our parents were waiting. I was walking over to my Mom when I heard it. Some of the kids were yelling my name and saying, "He got a 55!" Over and over they said it and I did the only thing a 7 year old could do in that instance, I cried. Sticks and stones may hurt but that day those words hurt more than getting hit by a stick ever would.

Words can be powerful. One great man knew that. He had been faced with many harsh words, name calling, people telling him he wasn't worth anything more than a piece of garbage. When he announced that he was holding a rally in Washington, DC, people laughed. They made fun of him. Surely this guy wasn’t going to show up in our nation's capitol and be embarrassed. So the words got harsher. The name calling got worse. The man didn't answer. Instead, he talked about love, and about healing; and he talked about hope. He didn't fight back. He never used harsh words. He let everyone know that he loved them. He let everyone know that peace and equality was the only way to live. You see, Dr. Martin Luther King had a dream. He dreamed that one day everyone would be treated the same. He dreamed that one day his children would not be judged by their skin color but by their character. Dr King dreamed. Dr King knew the power of words. He knew that words could cut but he knew they could also change the world.

As we walk this road of recovery together we must remember the power of words. Words can encourage and can help others on their road to healing. But words can also cut. They can drive people away. As we sit in our groups we must realize we are there to listen, to encourage and to love each other. Sometimes we get angry. Sometimes we can let that anger well up and when it does, we can cut people -- not with a knife but with our words. We can open old wounds or create new ones. And sometimes, we can drive people away.

Imagine a world where there are no harsh words. Imagine a world where each of us encouraged each other and lifted each other up -- a world without anger -- a world without hurting others. Imagine that world, our words can make that happen, our actions can make that happen. That world is possible. I have a dream...............

What encouraging words meant the most to you in your recovery? What do you need to hear now to feel like you can make it on this journey?

What to do When You Fall

Beth Livingston — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 22:16:53 GMT

by M. Sellers
Guest Writer

God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. ~ James 1:12, NLT

In 1984 Dan Jansen competed in his first Olympics and finished fourth just missing out on a medal. Dan went back into training and four years later he showed up as the best speed skater in the world; favored to win both the 500 and 1000 meter races.

While he was training leading up to the Olympics Dan's best friend, his sister Jane, was diagnosed with cancer. She struggled with the disease and unfortunately she died the morning of his 500 meter race. She told him before he left that no matter what happened he needed to compete, to race, to never give up. With a heavy heart he started the race.

The race was going well until, for the first time in his life, he slipped and fell during a competition. He was heartbroken. He had dedicated this Olympics to his best friend Jane and he fell. A few days later, he had to race the 1000 meter and he was favored to win there also. As he rounded the final turn, he was leading; no one could catch him and then the unthinkable happened. Dan fell again. He slid into the wall and once again lost the race. He lay there, crying, in disbelief, in anguish.

Four years later, he returned to the Olympic areana and this time, while he didn't fall, he once again finished 4th in the 500 meter race. When he went home he vowed to give it one more chance, to remember Jane's words, to never give up.

In 1994 Dan made it through all the heats and was into the final once again. It was his last chance to win the medal in memory of his sister and best friend Jane. Dan Jansen raced and came around the last turn in the lead. He didn't fall. He didn't slip and he crossed the finish line in the lead. Dan Jansen won his gold medal that day. When it was time for his victory lap he didn't carry his gold medal, instead Dan, in tears, carried his newborn baby girl that he had named Jane.

For a long time in my life I struggled with many things. I faced the loss of a loved one, my Mother, at 16 years old due to cancer. At the time I was struggling with drinking, doing drugs and many other things. Rather than turn to God, rather than resist temptation, I gave in. I leaned on drugs and alcohol to help me through the pain I was feeling, to help me try and forget what was going on in my life.

What I got for leaning on those things were a lot of hangovers, lost time and lost relationships. Everything was a struggle as I let temptation take control of my life. As those struggles got worse, I was facing a second divorce and watching my children who I loved more than anything in this world be hurt because of me.

I knew I had to change.

I was working my way around that last turn on skating rink of life and I was slipping, I was falling again and this time I knew, I wasn't going to be able to get back up. As I started to fall, I looked up and there He was. He was on that rink with me, He was holding me up and suddenly I knew that I could never be held down.

Today, I still struggle sometimes. But I have peace knowing that my struggle is no longer one I have to face on my own. I can fall sometimes when I struggle but when I do and I look up, He is there. He is there to help me on my feet. He is there to make sure I can stand.

Our life in recovery is like that skating rink. The ice can be slippery; there are temptations all around, whether you are facing alcohol or drug issues, food issues, depression. Everywhere you look can lead to despair, can lead to a fall.

The thing is, Christ is there with you. Many times we feel alone, like we have nowhere to turn when facing our issues but now we have turned our life over to Him. He can keep us on our feet and only Christ can help us avoid the temptation. He has provided each of us sponsors, accountability partners to help us face our struggles. Most of all, He is with you, He is listening and He is keeping you on your feet. You just have to reach out and take His hand.

So this message is about resisting temptation. We all face temptation every day. By working the steps, by reaching out to Christ, we can avoid that temptation. By reaching out to Him, we will not fail. We may slip, we may even fall, but with Him we can always get up, we can always stand. So today you are on that ice rink of life, you are rounding the final turn and you are winning the race. The ice is slippery, full of danger. Just reach out, Christ will steady you, He will keep you on your feet, He will make sure you never fall again. We are in the long race to recovery. Today it's time to be like Dan, it's time to keep working, to keep leaning on Christ, it's time to win the race.

Have you found this to be true in your recovery or in general for making positive change? Share your stories here for all to be blessed.

Praying for Strength to Resist Temptation

Beth Livingston — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 22:04:21 GMT

by M. Sellers
Guest Writer

Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart. ~ Colossians 4:2, NLT

The Marines were on watch. Standing at their post, they protected the gate and the entire base from anything or anyone. The rest of their troop were on the base asleep. Only two more hours to go and they would be relieved and they could go and get a few hours of sleep before the work day started.

They did everything they could, they talked, jumped around some, walked around, trying to stay awake and alert. They knew they had to watch and listen. They were defending their troop and they were going to stay alert and keep everyone safe. Another hour down and still they waited.

It was getting tougher but they still kept watch. Then there was a noise. In the distance they could hear a vehicle approaching. As they rubbed their eyes to look, they saw it coming. A vehicle was approaching and approaching fast. They were on watch and they did what they were trained to do.

They used their speaker to tell them to stop as they sighted in on the vehicle. Still it kept coming. As it got closer, the Marines made their decision. They had to shoot. They riddled that vehicle with bullets but it kept coming.

The alarm was sounded and the rest of the base was now awake. Still they kept shooting. As the truck got nearer, one of those Marines, got down in a kneeling position and fired again on the truck. He hit the driver and the truck veered off and blew up. There was a huge explosion and that Marine was fatally wounded that day.

His partner on watch was also injured and as he crawled over to him, that Marine whispered to him that he was thankful that he could be part of this troop and thankful that he protected them. He told his partner most of all he was thankful for having Christ in his life. He knew he was going home and he had often asked Christ for the strength to protect his fellow Marines if he ever needed to.

Our life in prayer and recovery can be much like that Marine. He was watchful. He stayed alert and he listened. Sometimes as we face our own personal struggles it can get hard to stay alert and listen. It can be so much easier to skip our prayer that day, to give in to our temptations. It can be so hard to listen to what God is telling us, to be thankful for what we have. It can be tiring praying and expecting an instant answer but we have to keep faith. God is listening, He knows we are here and He knows we need His help.

For a long time in my life, I didn't listen. Christ was there with me, speaking to me, trying to help but I didn't listen, I didn't pay attention, I could handle things on my own. Rather than staying alert and watchful, rather than trusting that God was there and thanking Him for everything I had, I asked Him, "Why me?" Why did I face the sickness and death of my Mom as a teenager? Why did I have to face all these trials and troubles in my life? Other people had it so easy and I struggled with all these things. I struggled with drinking, drugs, you name it, I struggled. Why me God? I can say today, I might never understand why me, but I have learned to trust God, to listen to Him. I am able to use a lot of the struggles I faced in my life to help others.

Today I am thankful for the struggles I have faced in my life because I know that it has made me stronger. It has strengthened my faith in His ability to help me and it has helped me to be able to use my struggles and my experience to reach out to others, to help them in their own journeys of recovery. Most of all I have learned to listen. I know now that God is always there. God is always talking to me, trying to help me. He is everywhere, teaching me, leading me, helping me deal with every issue in my life.

So today is about rededicating yourself to Him and understanding the power of prayer. God is with you every day and he is listening. Life in recovery can be difficult but if you take the time, if you allow Him in your life, He can answer your prayers. Those answers might not be the answer you expect, it might not happen instantly - but those answers will come if you just take the time to sit down and listen. God talks to you every day. Can you hear Him?

Learning to Trust God’s Voice

Beth Livingston — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 20:49:19 GMT

by M. Sellers
Guest Writer

I worked with a lot of fighter pilots in my time in the Navy. These great men and women have a tough job and, in many cases, they also have a tendency to not listen well. They can be so confident in what they are doing that they go their own way.

There is, however, one situation where they always listen.

Landing on an aircraft carrier at night is one of the toughest things on earth to do. A dark ship set against a backdrop of a dark ocean and a moving runway can be a recipe for disaster. However, as the pilot approaches the ship, he hears a voice. It’s the voice of an air traffic controller, guiding him and it helps the pilot to relax. Though the mission is tough and the pilot tired, hearing that voice calms him and he knows he will get on deck safely if he just listens.

For a long time in my life, God was talking to me. He was trying to guide me, to bring me back to Him but I was going my own way. I was not listening. I didn't need help, I could get where I wanted to go on my own. The thing is, life is tough. I was constantly making choices, not listening to Him or anyone around me and all I did was end up lost. I was like that pilot returning on a dark and stormy night and rather than listen, rather than turn to Him and ask Him to guide me, I tried to land on my own. I spent a long time drinking, partying, gambling and looking for anything that would help me find myself. And I ended up lost.

Our life in recovery is just like that. When we are trying to bring our lives under control, we can turn to ourselves. We can try and take charge and rather than acting like that pilot and listening … listening to that Voice that Christ is using to guide us, we try to land on our own. But when we take control, when we ignore what Christ is telling us ... we cannot find our way home. We may find short time victories in our struggles, but not the true freedom from our addictions that comes from Him and only Him.

So today is about listening. It's about listening to Christ and following His guidance. In life, we often find ourselves in the midst of a dark and stormy night and on our own, there is no way we can navigate safely. So listen! Christ is talking to you right now. He is guiding you back home … and He will make sure you land safely.

What is God telling you to do? Is anything holding you back from following His guidance?

The Bible: On Alcohol and Substance Abuse

Beth Livingston — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 02:45:57 GMT

By J. Stephen Lang

In recent years people have become more conscious of alcohol and other substance abuse. In spite of our growing awareness of the personal and social harm that is done, we seem to be losing the drug war, and alcoholism is on the rise.

What does the Bible say about such practices? Well, you will search in vain for a verse that says, "Don't drink alcohol, period." And the Bible says nothing whatsoever about illegal drugs, since they weren't available in Bible times. But the Bible does have much to say about any substance that harms us mentally and spiritually. Happily, it also has much to say about the alternatives to a chemical high.

Wine produces mockers; liquor leads to brawls. Whoever is led astray by drink cannot be wise. Proverbs 20:1

Those who love pleasure become poor; wine and luxury are not the way to riches. Proverbs 21:17

Do not carouse with drunkards and gluttons, for they are on their way to poverty. Too much sleep clothes a person with rags. Who has anguish? Who has sorrow? Who is always fighting? Who is always complaining? Who has unnecessary bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? It is the one who spends long hours in the taverns, trying out new drinks. Don't let the sparkle and smooth taste of wine deceive you. For in the end it bites like a poisonous serpent; it stings like a viper. You will see hallucinations, and you will say crazy things. You will stagger like a sailor tossed at sea, clinging to a swaying mast. And you will say, "They hit me, but I didn't feel it. I didn't even know it when they beat me up. When will I wake up so I can have another drink?" Proverbs 23:20-21, 29-35

Destruction is certain for you who get up early to begin long drinking bouts that last late into the night. Destruction is certain for those who are heroes when it comes to drinking, who boast about all the liquor they can hold. They take bribes to pervert justice. They let the wicked go free while punishing the innocent. Therefore, they will all disappear like burning straw. Their roots will rot and their flowers wither, for they have rejected the law of the LORD Almighty. They have despised the word of the Holy One of Israel. Isaiah 5:11, 22-24

Watch out! Don't let me find you living in careless ease and drunkenness, and filled with the worries of this life. Don't let that day catch you unaware, as in a trap. For that day will come upon everyone living on the earth. Luke 21:34

Those who belong to the Kingdom of God should lead a life that reflects what God desires for his people. Paul makes it clear that this does not include altering our mind and behavior with chemical substances instead of finding our fulfillment in God.

We should be decent and true in everything we do, so that everyone can approve of our behavior. Don't participate in wild parties and getting drunk, or in adultery and immoral living, or in fighting and jealousy. Romans 13:13

Don't be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, let the Holy Spirit fill and control you. Ephesians 5:18

Does the Bible Say I Shouldn't Smoke?

Beth Livingston — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 21:07:26 GMT

by CBN

While the Bible doesn't address the issue of smoking directly, you will find a number of biblical principles which apply to your smoking habit. The following study guide will help you discover these principles: (Print this out and use as a guide for journaling your answers.)

1. When you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, God puts His Holy Spirit into you.

Read 1 Corinthians 6:19-20:
Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

a. According to this passage, how does God view your body?

b. How should you treat your body in light of this?

c. Considering what is known about the effects of smoking on your body, do you think smoking is in conflict with how you should treat your body?

2. Read Genesis 1:26:

Then God said, "Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground."

a. What did God give man to rule over?

b. How does the earth's plant life fit into this plan? How can man "rule" over it? Where do you think the tobacco plant fits into this plan?

3. In 2 Peter 2:19, the Bible addresses the danger of false teachers who had given themselves to indulging fleshly appetites and were leading others into worldly behavior.

Read 2 Peter 2:19
They promise freedom, but they themselves are slaves of sin and corruption. For you are a slave to whatever controls you.

a. How does this verse describe someone who is controlled by something?

b. The nicotine found in cigarettes has been proven to be addictive. Therefore, based on this verse, how would you describe a habitual smoker's relationship to cigarettes?

c. How does this compare to the order God intended when He gave man rule over all the earth?

4. Read Ephesians 5:17:

Don't act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.

Based on the scientific evidence of the effects of smoking and your understanding of what the Bible says, what do you think God wants YOU to do about smoking?

5. If you believe that smoking is something that God wants you to stop doing, then it is a sin for you to smoke because you are doing something contrary to God's will.

Read Romans 6:12:
Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires.

Write what it means to you as far as smoking is concerned:

What Are God's Promises?

6. Cigarette addiction is one habit of this world that many people struggle with.

Write in your own words the promises God gives you in the scriptures below that will help you overcome the desire to smoke:

1 Corinthians 10:13
The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

James 4:7
So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Philippians 4:13
For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

7. One problem that concerns many smokers who want to quit is how the withdrawal will affect them emotionally.

Read Isaiah 26:3:
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!

What promise does God give in this scripture to those who trust God?

What If I Need More Help?

8. Jesus acknowledged that people sometimes have difficulty doing what they know is the right thing to do.

Read Matthew 26:41:
Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!"

What are two things Jesus says to do?

9. Read Psalm 119:11:

I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.

The scripture mentions something else that will give you strength. What is it?

Note: 1 John 2:17 and Philippians 4:13 are two good verses to "hide in your heart" (memorize them and then think about them if you feel the need to smoke). You will find many other verses that will help you grow strong in your walk with God.

1 John 2:17
And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.

Philippians 4:13
For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

10. Are you filled with God's Spirit?

If you have made Jesus your Lord and Savior, ask God to FILL you with His Holy Spirit and to give you HIS power to do ALL that He wants you to do-not just to quit smoking. Read Luke 11:11-13 and Galatians 5:16.

Luke 11:11-13
"You fathers—if your children ask for a fish, do you give them a snake instead? Or if they ask for an egg, do you give them a scorpion? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him."

Galatians 5:16
So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves.

Write out your prayer for God's Spirit to fill you and give you the power to be free from cigarettes:

What If I Fail?

11. Read 1 John 1:9:

But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.

This verse tells you how to face any failure you have in obeying the will of God. Summarize this verse in your own words.

12. Follow up any failure you meet in obeying God's will with 2 Thessalonians 3:13:

As for the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good. What's the nugget of wisdom in this verse?

When You Smoke

Each puff you take assaults your lungs with about 4,000 chemicals, more than 40 of them known to cause cancer.
You are 10 times more likely to get cancer than a nonsmoker.
You are two times more likely to have a heart attack than a nonsmoker.
You are more likely than a nonsmoker to suffer from emphysema, chronic bronchitis, a stroke, male impotence or one of numerous other ailments to which smoking has been linked.
You chance joining the 320,000 people who die unnecessarily each year -- because of smoking.
Research with nonsmoking spouses and children of smokers confirms you may be hurting the health of people you love.
If you are addicted to cigarettes, you are essentially a slave to a plant. Yet God created you to rule over the earth.

When You Quit

No matter how old you are, or how long you've been smoking, unless irreversible disease has begun:

Your risk of heart disease lowers IMMEDIATELY!
Your circulation improves immediately.
Within days your lungs begin to clear.
Your risk of cancer drops steadily.
After 5 years your risk of many diseases is the same as a nonsmoker.
After 10 years your overall risk of death is the same as someone who has never smoked.

Tired of Feeling Hopeless?

Beth Livingston — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 19:50:31 GMT

by Nathalie Jeter
Guest Writer

Those who have experienced depression will tell you it’s like a light switch has been turned off in their soul. “Just get over it” is not an option. Thinking positive thoughts simply doesn’t cut it. Being told that depression is selfish or that they should spend more time praying often makes matters worse, not better.

I wonder if Jesus was talking about depression when he made reference to “how great is that darkness” in the passage below:

The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! Matt. 6:22-23 (NIV, emphasis mine)

Like many passages in the Bible, these words can be taken literally or figuratively. If your eyes are bad (i.e. if you are blind) then all you can see is darkness; if your eyesight is good, you can see the bright sun, blue sky, leafy trees – your whole perspective changes. But figuratively, if your eyes are bad (i.e. if your outlook is bleak) then you can end up in an emotional darkness that leaves you feeling helpless and alone.

And speaking of being helpless and alone, do you remember those miners rescued last October in Chile? They were in darkness for 69 long, hot, scary, miserable days. When they were finally lifted to the light, they had to put on sunglasses even indoors to shield their sensitive eyes, especially from the bright lights of the TV cameras wanting to capture their every move.

How bright the world seems to those who have been in darkness! How full of joy and optimism the miners’ hearts were as they were rescued and literally brought from darkness to light!

“I buried 40 years of my life down there,” said Mario Sepulveda, one of the miners. “I think I have learned a lot of wonderful lessons about taking the good path in life.”

The same is true when God rescues us from the darkness of ignorance and sin. Our hearts are overjoyed when we first begin to grasp the light of salvation and the hope, peace, and joy that come as part of the “complete package.”

But sometimes even as Christians our perspective slips. Our eyes grow dark again, and we go through times of depression and sadness that nothing seems to help. Where is the One who will rescue us? How great is that darkness.

Even King David, a man after God’s own heart, cried out:

“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death.” Psalm 13:1, 3 (NIV, emphasis mine)

Do you suffer with pain so deep that you can’t even share it with your closest friends? Are you tired of feeling helpless and hopeless? You may be going through a season where you want to cry out, “Lord, is there anyone else up there I can talk to?” But whether you fall into a literal pit or a figurative one, God will not leave you in the miry pit forever. He is there to lift you out.

Hold on! Don’t lose hope! The Rescuer is on his way.

Nathalie Jeter is the author of the guidebook PrayerWalk Beijing and blogs about travel, food, and prayer at http://www.prayerwalkguides.com/.

Mentoring the Addicted Soul

Beth Livingston — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 23:56:37 GMT

By Donna Collins Tinsley

We live in a world of wounded people. Divorce, addictions, mental illness, financial matters and family issues are hurting people in our society today. Do you want to help or mentor the hurting among us? We, as parts of the body of Christ, can help bring healing and restoration to people by pointing them to Jesus and His word. Jesus said, “If I be lifted up, I will draw all men to Me.” Who needs His closeness more than someone whose heart has been broken or bruised by living in the world that we live in?

He won't brush aside the bruised and the hurt and he won't disregard the small and insignificant, but he'll steadily and firmly set things right. Isaiah 42:3 The Message

Perhaps you feel inadequate to mentor because you are a wounded soul yourself. I believe your wound can lead you to God and equip you to lead others to the Lord. It can dazzle the world to see what the Lord can do with a broken heart restored and healed by the blood of Jesus. I am a wounded woman also. Satan would like us to be quiet about our testimony but we can stand on the scripture, "They overcame him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony…" (Revelation 12:11) NIV

Part of the healing Jesus brings increases as we reach out to others as He did. He was touched with the feelings of our infirmities. When we are touched by the pain of others we want to point them to a source of comfort.

The Mentoring Call
If you want to answer the call to mentor, start where you are. We live such hurried lives we sometimes overlook the obvious. You cannot mentor someone without truly knowing them and what their needs, hopes and dreams are.

1. Be Willing to Be Broken
The Lord uses broken bread and poured out wine as vessels for healing. If we are haughty and act as if we have "arrived," there will be no light of love shining through. No one will want to hear what you say if they don’t see kindness and your own brokenness.

2. Be Willing to Be a Servant
Look for ways you can serve your brothers or sisters. Do you know someone overwhelmed with constant, unending chores, and the stress of taking care of small children? Something as simple as taking a casserole over so she won’t have the pressure of cooking supper that night may give her an extra hour she can use for herself.

3. Be Willing to Be a Sounding Board
Sometimes your friend just needs someone to talk to. A sounding board listens and lets them get all their frustrations off their chest. They don’t want to be "fixed" at this point.

4. Covenant to Pray For Them
When you have listened, you know better how to pray. This may be your main purpose as a mentor. A covenant to prayer is more than a fleeting thought here and there. You want to intercede, to stand in the gap. When you wake up at night their hurts are taken to the Lord, when you are together, you try to arrange time to pray.

5. Be Willing to Fast For Them
I love food. So, when I give up food for a friend, the Lord knows this is something I care deeply about. Generally, you would not let this person know you are fasting for them. You may have one day or meal a week that you give up for others.

6. Love Unconditionally
We need to be able to let our friend know that we love them no matter what they do. We cannot condone, if someone is choosing to go against the Lord and continually sins without repentance, but we can love the person. They will respect you and know that when they are ready to turn back to the Lord; you will be there with open arms.

7. Teach About Forgiveness
The Bible teaches God forgives us in the same way we forgive others. We cannot be pure before the Lord if we are harboring unforgiveness. Many people harbor things against their spouses or parents, using these things as excuses for their own shortcomings. The past is over. Don’t get caught up in the "blame game."

8. Humble Yourself Before Them
Share your life and be open about your own failures. The only perfect person to walk this earth was Jesus. People identify with someone who has been through pain. Your life speaks before you open your mouth. Let your walk match your talk, and be honest.

9. Always Point Them to Jesus
There are many helps for people today through churches, counseling and online here at CBN.com. But it is only by the Word of God and the Holy Spirit that true healing and deliverance comes. I am finding that many young Christians today have too little knowledge of even the simplest truths and stories from the Bible. Encourage them to study the Bible.

10. Teach Them; “Love Covers a Multitude of Sins”
The Wycliffe Bible Commentary speaks of this intense love being the divine or agape love spoken about in 1st Corinthians 13. Sometimes this love covers sin by not broadcasting the faults we see in our brothers or sisters. Some things only come about through the prayer of faith and waiting on the Lord.

As a mentor, you will find, you receive more from the people God has placed in your life than you give. Our greatest hope is for the Lord to use the pain of our lives for His glory. He truly is a healer of the wounded souls among us.

Into His Hands

Beth Livingston — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 20:24:20 GMT

By Donna Collins Tinsley
Guest Writer

How do you deal with daily life issues when addiction and mental health issues are in the family?

In the song, “Out of My Hands” by Matthew West, we see a true portrayal of letting go and letting God in these situations:

"It's out of my hands
It's out of my reach
It's over my head
And it's out of my league
There's too many things
That I don't understand
So it's into your will
And it's out of my hands" by Matthew West

We can try to help, only to find we are helpless. We can give and find that their needs are a bottomless pit that can never be filled up. We can see the results of their addictions as far as what they have lost, how they live, how they parent and so many things, but do they see? No way and they don’t appreciate you trying to help them see, either!

It is truly out of our hands and must be given over to the hands of God.

The words to the song make me think about the first 3 steps in 12 step programs:

The 12 Steps (from Alcoholics Anonymous)
• Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable
• Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
• Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God

Recently I was trying to talk to a family member about their alcohol usage. I was trying to talk about the first step and being powerless and their response, was “Powerless! I’m not powerless, I’m powerful!” I knew right then I was wasting my words, the timing was not now for this one. Many people feel if they can go for days or even weeks without their alcohol or drug of choice they are not addicts. But it is the addict’s mindset that makes someone unable to live free.

As a family member we may feel like our problems are the worst ones anyone faces. The pain that our heart feels would indicate that, “Yes, they are the worst, no one knows what I am going through!” Yet on the "Somebody’s Mother Online Prayer Support Group" we get letters every day of people crying out with so many problems. People in pain either in their body or their minds as they wrestle with family issues. So many of them deal with addictions and the addicts in their lives. Yet the family pain of your own children’s problems, even adult children, when they go through divorce, addictions and heartache can be overwhelming. As a parent you may want to shield them, especially when you see your grandchildren hurting as a result; it is a most difficult dilemma.

Sometimes we feel like saying, "God take me, now, I can't bear it any longer!" or even better, "Come quickly Lord Jesus!" as Revelation 22:20-21 says: "He which testifies these things said, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus."

Yet what does the scripture teach in Romans 8:28? All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose. And it is better to be out of our hands and into the hands of Jesus. Join me in living out this song, “Out of My Hands” today.

More about the author: Donna Collins Tinsley, wife, mother and grandmother, lives in Port Orange, Florida and has been included in several magazines and book compilations. Find her at Facebook, http://thornrose7.blogspot.com/ or join Somebody’s Mother Online Prayer Support Group at http://www.facebook.com/groups/119408188089314?id=244911885538943
Please email her at Thornrose7@aol.com

Avoid Negative Voices from Your Past

Beth Livingston — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 20:21:11 GMT

By Brooke Keith
Guest Writer

My husband and I met in high school in Mrs. Saunders 2nd period class. He looked at me. I looked at him. He said “Hi” and that was that.

Though he was the party boy and I was the Abercrombie girl; it worked. It fit. I taught him how to walk the line. He taught me how to color outside them. From day one ... we just were. We were fun. We were silly. Sometimes we were enemies. Sometimes we were best friends.

We used to sit in each other’s company ... nowhere to go, no place to be ... windows down driving as fast as the wind would take us on an old dirt road in a muddy old red pickup truck with a bad radiator. Hard to believe that all this has been almost 12 years ago, that I’m pushing 30 and we have four children, a mortgage and a car note.

And I feel like we are finally getting older. I feel like life is catching up, like we are turning new sand on the hourglass. Gone are the days of watching the stars from a tail gate and driving with no place to go, because there’s always some place to go – the grocery store, the doctor, the dentist ...

In the blinking of an eye, the boy I fell in love with grew up; and I did too.

Worry and Fears

But I’m not ready to let go of the boy he was. I’m afraid of the change 30 brings. I fear that if I do, if I let go, he’ll walk too far ahead of me. I’m afraid I won’t catch up. I’m afraid that one day I won’t be enough. I’m afraid that if I give him any slack He’ll pull away from me scary-fast like a tape measure does when you release the button.

If you haven’t guessed yet, I’m a little bit of a worry wart and a smidge of a control freak.

Sometimes I’m afraid to let anyone crawl out from under my protective bubble: my children, my spouse, my sister, my mother, because I’ve seen so much in my life. And what if those things happen to me? What happens if the other shoe drops? What happens if the chalkboard of my life is erased in a split second and what if I can do absolutely nothing about it?

So many women are so strong. One of my best friends lost both her husband and little girl all within a five year span. Another juggles three children with chronic health problems. One just went through a messy divorce and is working three jobs to support her two boys - alone. Another relying on grace to make her marriage work.

These women pick up their cross every day and they walk.

But I don’t know what I’m more afraid of – afraid of everything falling apart or afraid of not being strong enough, like these women are so effortlessly, to pull it back together if it does.

Being a woman in this society is so difficult. Every day we are faced with commercials that show us women in bikinis, with perfect bodies and youth that has since passed us by and it says to our insides “You aren’t good enough.” “You aren’t thin enough.” “You’re clothes aren’t pretty enough or as expensive as mine.”

Are Other People Worrying Too?

But I wonder what voice this woman hears. Does she hear the same things I do? Does she sit by herself when the day is over, when the cameras are off and the makeup has faded? Does she ever think “I’m not good enough?” “I’m not thin enough?” “I’m not pretty enough?”

I wonder what her tape is.

I wonder if she has a husband she met her freshman year of high school. I wonder if she worries about her children and questions if she loosens the worry bubble on her husband and family even just a little bit it will all fall apart or one day if it does if she will become a tabloid headline. And if it all crashes down – I wonder will she survive?

I wonder.

Voices from the Past

Many of us have tapes because we have been programmed with them since childhood. My tapes are of abandonment and abuse. My tapes tell me I’m not enough. My tape tells me to be weary of every one and trust no one. My tapes tell me I’m not pretty enough, that I’m a crumby mother and a worse wife, that if I misstep on just one notch of the stair case, I will crash all the way down and find myself alone and scarred again.

What do your tapes tell you?

“You’re sins are too crimson to be cleansed.”

“Once addicted always addicted.”

“Things will never change.”

“Things could never be the same.”

I believe the devil has an iPod; and it’s on shuffle. When he gives me a rest, he moves on to you. When he moves on from me, he might visit your friend, or your neighbor or your pastor. He makes mix tapes of the scars deep down in our past and he wants so badly to keep us there. So he plays our tapes ... over and over and over ... until we are so caught in the past, we can’t focus on anything but yesterday.

Though it’s hard and I too struggle with it daily, we must get back in touch with who God is and what His truth is for our lives. “The thief comes only to kill and steal ... but I come so that they might have life and have it to the fullest.” God says to us. And to the devil He says, “You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

If the words on your tape bring you sadness, if they bring you guilt or shame, if they wrestle withholding forgiveness, if they stir your spirit in ways that makes you think you can’t go on ... God didn’t write them. You’ve found your way to shuffle. (1 Cor. 14:33)

When all I can hear is the devil’s playlist I turn to my Father, the one who wrote the book on a grace that’s “new every morning.” And with His help, God hits pause. And I listen to the silence for the first time in what seems like years.

The devil will always try to convince us that change can kill us, that imperfection can crucify us.

But someone forgot to tell him that my imperfections and your imperfections have already been crucified in the One who is perfect.

When your tape echoes in your ear - pull out your headphones.

God wants a chance at your playlist and He’s got a new track for you . . . Press play.

Never Give Up on Beating Your Addiction

Beth Livingston — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 18:19:23 GMT

By Beth Livingston
Certified Recovery Specialist

I'm sharing this testimony about my pot addiction because we are told that God uses our testimonies to encourage others. All in all, my journey to have my desires line up with God’s desires about this addiction took seven years. I’m glad I never stopped seeking God through it all. Seven years is a long journey. So, wherever you are on your journey, take heart – keep seeking God and he’ll lead you in the way you should go!

The Beginning

A few years after choosing to follow Jesus, just one shameful addiction remained – pot. I reasoned with God about pot. I really liked it and it didn’t lead to other sins like alcohol had. I used it to “switch gears” from work to home – get mellow to be a more relaxed and attentive parent. I didn’t ask God to take it away. I asked Him to go along with it as it wasn’t hurting anyone. It had been my companion for 20+ years.

A Baby Step

During my comfortable position with my Savior and my weed, God posed a question to me: “What affect would it have if your pot-smoking were exposed?” The answer was clear – it would do damage to others. I felt faced with a choice about a church leadership position I held: quit smoking pot immediately or step down from teaching these kindergarten children. On the way home from a meeting where I stepped down from teaching, I wept bitterly and I faced an ugly truth – something was really wrong with me if I’d choose pot over pouring Jesus into children’s lives. God used that truth and the sorrow I felt to begin my journey for help. I wasn’t able to quit right away. For me, it was a baby step.

The Next Step

I started going to Christian Recovery meetings and was very open about my love for pot and my love for Jesus. I was given the tools and the truth about how God would help set me free from my addiction. But, I left the program without reaching my goal. However, I didn’t leave God and He didn’t leave me. I continued to go to church, read my Bible with a hunger for God, and pray to the Lord for all matters in my life.

The Final Step

Then one day in 2004, God revealed a simple truth to my soul that was the turning point for me: pot was an idol in my life. I had put pot in a place where only God belonged. He wanted me to turn to Him to change gears between work and home – to get mellow and relaxed through the supernatural peace He offers. He wanted me to turn to Him when I was anxious, angry, sad, overwhelmed, and any other emotion that I sought pot to help me endure. God had been in second place to my marijuana buzz. Wow! When God revealed that to my soul and mind, I wept long and hard. How could I treat Jesus as second to pot? At that point, I wanted to get rid of it desperately. I didn’t want anything to take God’s place in my life. How insulting to my Lord to consider him second best. When I saw my addiction as God saw it, it wasn’t long before I was free. I used the tools I had learned in Recovery along with a sincere desire to have God FIRST in my life to surrender that addiction to Almighty God.

It’s been almost seven years now since I smoked pot. God was patient with me as He carried me through the steps I personally needed to take with Him to desire the life-changing freedom He wanted for me. I praise Him for His gentle guidance to a piercing truth. He alone is my God and I’ve never been more content in my life.