Christians and non-Christian alike battle with addictions and other behaviors that they find themselves struggling to leave behind.
This blog, produced by Certified Recovery Specialist Beth Livingston, is for people to exchange struggles and victories of breaking free from addictions and other hurtful behaviors.
Friday, February 10, 2012
by Amy Allen
Guest Blogger
from "A Redeemed Marriage"
http://www.aredeemedmarriage.com/
When my husband's internet pornography addiction led to an affair, then acting out with prostitutes, I filed for divorce. But God used what seemed hopeless to bring us both into a real relationship with Jesus. He also redeemed our marriage. These are just some of the things I wish I had known or done when I first found out my husband was being unfaithful.
1. You didn’t cause your husband to act out in this way. There may be some things lacking on your part, there’s no such thing as the perfect wife, but at the end of the day – he chose to sin against God. (James 1:13-15)
2. Don’t take it personally. He didn’t do this just to hurt you or make you suffer or punish you for something you’re not doing – he’s just being selfish and seeking to please himself. Depending on how ensnared he is in the addiction, he may think he needs the pornography or the other woman or the prostitutes, but he doesn’t. He may tell you it’s your fault or take the blame upon himself. But either way, you have to get beyond your feelings and try not to wallow in self-pity – it only makes it harder to get to the root issue. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
3. You must hold him responsible for his own actions. Denial is huge – it seems like the easier way out, but relief is only temporary. Do not allow the behavior to continue, but seek to find out why it started in the first place. If necessary, separate from him physically for while, until he takes ownership of his actions. (Ephesians 4:15)
4. Affirm your love for him. Make sure he knows you love him and that you want to work through this together. Don’t threaten to leave or divorce him – that only makes him want to hide the whole truth from you. (Romans 12:9-12)
5. Don’t shame him. We all have secret sins that need to be dealt with. Thank God that He brought this into the light so you can work on it together. Let your husband confess his sins to you, take ownership of them and repent. (1 John 1:8-9)
6. Do not become bitter with unforgiveness. If your husband has asked for forgiveness, you must forgive him. This may not come immediately, but it must be dealt with quickly before bitterness, hatred or rage overtake you. Remember everything that God through Christ has forgiven you of. (Matthew 18:21-35)
7. Don’t try to retaliate or have an affair yourself to get him back. That will only make matters worse and give him a reason in his own mind to keep doing what he is doing. (Romans 12:17-21)
8. Get plugged into a women’s Bible study where you can study the truth of God’s word in-depth and apply it to your life. This is where you will gain your strength and the wisdom to move forward one step at a time. (Hebrews 4:12-13)
9. Pray for your husband. A great book to help you pray specifically for him is, “The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie O’Martian. This is one of the greatest things you can do to promote healing in your marriage. (James 5:16)
10. Ask God if you have been disrespecting your husband in any way. Ask your husband as well. His greatest need is to feel respected by his wife and if he doesn’t, he may start to act in ways that make him feel respected or in control. A great book that explains the different needs of men and women is “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. (Ephesians 5:33)
Remember: you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength! ~ Philippians 4:13
Father, I pray for the person reading this, whether a wife or a husband who may have been betrayed by their spouse. Lord, only You know their individual circumstances. Please help them to know where to go from here, who to ask for Biblical counsel and how to find strength in Your Word. I pray, Lord, that You will give them Your eyes to see their spouse the way You do, that You will enable them to love with Your agape love and that there can be true forgiveness as You have called them to. For the spouse who was caught with this sin I pray for true repentance; that You will bring them to the end of themselves, and they will realize that only in You can they find true forgiveness and restoration. Help them to take responsibility for their own actions and to be able to see the hurt they have caused their spouse. Help them to not make excuses for their behavior, but instead use this to show them their need to depend on You for everything. I pray all these things in Jesus' name. Amen.
About Author, Amy Allen: When my husband's internet pornography addiction led to an affair, then acting out with prostitutes, I filed for divorce. But God used what seemed hopeless to bring us both into a real relationship with Jesus. He also redeemed our marriage. You can watch our testimony on The 700 Club (www.cbn.com/media/player/index.aspx) or visit our website at http://www.aredeemedmarriage.com/. There truly is hope and healing for your marriage when you allow Jesus to redeem it! Tim and Amy Allen
Friday, February 03, 2012
As I think about this road to recovery, I think of refuge. I think of sanctuary. For a long time many of us looked for refuge. What we found was life in a bottle, a life full of drugs, full of food disorders, full of depression, full of struggles. I found sanctuary in a bottle. The problem is, when that bottle was empty, there was an emptiness, a loneliness, a feeling of despair.
Friday, January 20, 2012
We all need to become more educated concerning what is going on in our communities. As Forums are provided within the community, take advantage of the knowledge and education provided. And then pass it on to others in need. I think "naive no more" will be my motto as I strive to "get wisdom."
Sunday, January 15, 2012
How do we deal with death, betrayal, injustice, suffering, and other causes of sorrow? With an addiction, we usually turn to our drug of choice. Whether it’s something we drink, eat, smoke, or a behavior we like to get lost in (like Internet gaming, gambling, or pornography), we use it as the place we take our pain. When we trade our unhealthy patterns of dealing with sorrow by turning to Jesus instead, we receive joy.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
As I pondered the defeat I had just handed myself, I was reminded that what I lack is self-control. What most addicts lack is self-control. Unfortunately, it’s not something we can pick up at any store or order online. We have to figure out how to get some. Here’s a little recipe we can use.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
With Christmas teas, Christmas cookie exchanges and Christmas parties, the overeater or compulsive eater can go through the season on the roller coaster of a sugar high followed by a crash in glucose level. If you have a problem with overeating or compulsive eating, you may find it helpful to answer these questions.
Thursday, December 08, 2011
When my life broke down, I also thought I knew how to fix everything. I didn't need any help. When I was 11, I knew how to be cool, how to fix things, so I picked up my first cigarette. I was hooked. When my Mom got sick I was 13 (she died when I was 16), I thought I'd fix that by turning to drinking and to drugs. It worked until the alcohol and the drugs were gone.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thanksgiving can be a tough time for those in recovery from substance abuse. You may visit family or friends who serve alcohol and insist that everyone have a drink. They don’t understand addiction. They think because they can have one drink and stop that everyone else can too. We know the truth. Perhaps family and friends don’t insist, but you drink to avoid feeling like the odd one there. In a desperate attempt to fit in, you take that drink and begin the vicious cycle of drinking or drugging
Monday, October 31, 2011
When we are in our groups, we have a great opportunity to actually listen to each other and not necessarily fix each other. We know that God will work in us and we are there as His tools to show each other love and compassion. We join with others each week so all can have a safe place to be heard and loved. No one has to be alone; we can always be there to listen to each other.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
As we walk this road of recovery together we must remember the power of words. Words can encourage and can help others on their road to healing. But words can also cut. They can drive people away. As we sit in our groups we must realize we are there to listen, to encourage and to love each other.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
What I got for leaning on those things were a lot of hangovers, lost time and lost relationships. Everything was a struggle as I let temptation take control of my life. As those struggles got worse, I was facing a second divorce and watching my children who I loved more than anything in this world be hurt because of me. I knew I had to change.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Sometimes as we face our own personal struggles it can get hard to stay alert and listen. It can be so much easier to skip our prayer that day, to give in to our temptations. It can be so hard to listen to what God is telling us, to be thankful for what we have. It can be tiring praying and expecting an instant answer but we have to keep faith. God is listening, He knows we are here and He knows we need His help.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Our life in recovery is just like that. When we are trying to bring our lives under control, we can turn to ourselves. We can try and take charge and rather than acting like that pilot and listening … listening to that Voice that Christ is using to guide us, we try to land on our own.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
You will search the Bible in vain for a verse that says, "Don't drink alcohol, period." And it says nothing whatsoever about illegal drugs, since they weren't available in Bible times. But the Bible says much about any substance that harms us mentally and spiritually. Happily, it also has says much about the alternatives to a chemical high.
Thursday, September 08, 2011
While the Bible doesn't address the issue of smoking directly, you will find a number of biblical principles which apply to your smoking habit. The following study guide will help you discover these principles:
Friday, September 02, 2011
I wonder if Jesus was talking about depression when he made reference to “how great is that darkness” in Matthew 6: 22-23: "The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! "
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
We live in a world of wounded people. Divorce, addictions, mental illness, financial matters and family issues are hurting people in our society today. Do you want to help or mentor the hurting among us? We, as parts of the body of Christ, can help bring healing and restoration to people by pointing them to Jesus and His word. Jesus said, “If I be lifted up, I will draw all men to Me.” Who needs His closeness more than someone whose heart has been broken or bruised?
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
We can try to help, only to find we are helpless. We can give and find that their needs are a bottomless pit that can never be filled up. We can see the results of their addictions as far as what they have lost, how they live, how they parent and so many things, but do they see? No way and they don’t appreciate you trying to help them see, either! It is truly out of our hands and must be given over to the hands of God.
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
Many of us have tapes because we have been programmed with them since childhood. My tapes are of abandonment and abuse. They tell me to be weary of everyone and trust no one, that I’m not pretty enough, I’m a crumby mother and a worse wife ... What do your tapes tell you?
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
I'm sharing this testimony about my pot addiction because we are told that God uses our testimonies to encourage others. All in all, my journey to have my desires line up with God’s desires about this addiction took seven years. I’m glad I never stopped seeking God through it all. Seven years is a long journey. So, wherever you are on your journey, take heart – keep seeking God and he’ll lead you in the way you should go!