Stage One: Denial of a problem. Many are stuck here. Many have problems with addiction and other destructive behaviors and simply deny they have that particular problem.
Stage Two: Denial of an ongoing problem. Here individuals deny they have any ongoing vulnerabilities with the problem. Like Jack, they may admit they have had a problem in the past, but deny any ongoing vulnerability to relapse. Since they are not taking any precautions against relapse, this renders them incredibly vulnerable.
Stage Three: Admitting they’ve had a problem, and are vulnerable to that problem currently, but believing they can solve the problem themselves. As with most significant addiction or character problems, this naïve approach to problem-solving is doomed to failure.
Stage Four: Admitting having had a problem, acknowledging a current problem, and being willing to take minor measures to guard against relapse. Here again the EGO (Easing God Out) takes control, and the risk of relapse is minimized. The severity of the problem and its impact on both them and their mate is minimized, causing ongoing marriage problems.
Stage Five: Acceptance of the problem, the severity of it, the impact it has had on them and their marriage, and a willingness to go to whatever length is necessary to remedy the problem. Here the person submits to God and other outside authority, recognizing “our best thinking got us here.” They recognize they cannot trust their own strengths, insights or wisdom, echoing the words of the Apostle Paul: “That which I don’t want to do is precisely what I do.” (Romans 7: 15) Acknowledging the impact of their behavior on themselves and others, they are humbled and seek true, depth healing.
Sadly, we are a people who tell half-truths, take half-measures, seek half-help and settle for half-healing---and even spouses settle for these half-measures as well instead of insisting in complete submission to God’s principles for healing. It is no surprise that marriages falter, lives are destroyed and our faith is weakened. Humility and Stage Five acceptance is needed by Jack and each of us if we are to find true healing.
Share your opinion or send a confidential note to me at http://www.TheRelationshipDoctor@Gmail.com and read more about The Marriage Recovery Center on my website, www.MarriageRecoveryCenter.com and YourRelationshipDoctor.com. You’ll find videos and podcasts on saving a troubled marriage, codependency, rejection by your mate and affair-proofing your marriage.