In my last column I shared the story of a woman whose husband is an alcoholic. He is also a practicing physician, adding another layer of concern to her complex problem. She wondered if she ought to call his place of employment, revealing the secret of his addiction. Not only did she worry that his addiction would impact his patients, but took some responsibility for it.
In my response to this woman I encouraged her to stop talking to or threatening her husband, as that has negligible impact, and take action.
I received many responses to my article, indicating many of you struggle with addictions in your marriage. Many of you are particularly impacted by alcoholism, and wonder what you can do to intervene in this addiction.
One of the responses to my article came from a wise woman who works in the field of addictions, adding some insights into this challenging problem.
Dear Dr. David. While your response to the woman married to the alcoholic physician included some wise counsel, there were several points needing more emphasis. For example, don’t you think the public has a right to know if their physician is a practicing alcoholic? I think this woman should call his employer and inform them of his debilitating disease.
Also, you didn’t mention the use of an intervention. Interventions are done by professionals who know how to bring friends and family together in a way that lovingly confronts the addict/ alcoholic. Through the use of encouragement and confrontation, the alcoholic learns they can no longer hide their problem, but must take responsibility for it.
Please inform your readers of these two powerful possibilities for intervention.
Indeed, these are two possibilities for “bringing the bottom” to the alcoholic. Let’s consider them one at a time.
Inform the employer of the alcoholism. The woman’s situation certainly does seem to call for informing her husband’s employer. While initially uncomfortable with such action, considering her husband’s significant responsibility, and his compromised ability given his addiction, informing his employer seems like an appropriate step to take.
Obviously, her husband would initially be furious with such radical action. But, to do less is to enable her husband’s addiction---and we must all weigh our consciences to determine the level of action to take. Remember, keeping addictions a secret is tantamount to encouraging them.
Seek consultation with professionals and consider an Intervention. This is a very powerful action taken to break through the alcoholic’s denial. Because denial is so strong with addictions, efforts to reason with addicts are frequently met with defensiveness, justifications or empty promises. They insist that their life is manageable, when it is anything but that.
An Intervention, orchestrated by a professional, consists of family and friends who have been impacted by the alcoholic. In a controlled, objective fashion, family and friends share with the alcoholic, in a non-accusatory way, how their drinking has impacted them. They share how much they care for the individual, noting that if they didn’t care, they would just leave them alone. In this deeply caring and supportive format, the alcoholic is strongly encouraged to seek immediate treatment.
The aim of the Intervention, of course, is to encourage treatment, and in most cases a treatment facility has been arranged for their care. The family has taken care of all practical concerns, even down to having a packed suitcase for them.
I have professionally participated in an Intervention at The Marriage Recovery Center, and have seen the power of “bearing one another’s burdens.” (Galatians 6: 2) I have witnessed the anger, sadness, frustration and even desperation of a family whose loved one is slowly dying from an addiction, and the incredible impact of speaking the truth—it sets us free. (John 8: 32) I have also witnessed the immense courage of the family willing to challenge their loved one, and the courageous response of the addict to the challenge.
I’d love to hear from you about these strategies for helping your mate hit the bottom. Do you believe it is too radical to inform an alcoholic’s employer? What about talking to the family? What do you think about an Intervention? Share your opinion or send a confidential note to me at TheRelationshipDoctor@Gmail.com and read more about The Marriage Recovery Center on my website, www.YourRelationshipDoctor.com.