Tuesday, February 11, 2014
We try valiantly to keep things running smoothly in our lives. We keep up with the yard and car maintenance, make it to work and our children’s functions on time, dashing about to keep things running smoothly. That’s a good thing. Routine is good for us—except for when it is not! There are times, many times, when we try to convince ourselves that all is normal. We reason that if we keep doing “things” the way we’ve been doing them, at some point in time “things” will change.
Monday, February 03, 2014
The couple sat in silence in front of me at The Marriage Recovery Center. Sadly, they had experienced the horror of infidelity and were now trying to pick up the pieces. I’ve written extensively on this topic, and have emphasized that safety must be a foremost issue after unfaithfulness. The victim of the affair must be completely reassured that the affair has ended and there can be no further contact with the other person. Tragically, too many people find out they have not had enough protection
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
The couple was both obviously irritable and irritated with one another. They had been fighting for several days prior to coming to The Marriage Recovery Center, and apparently fairly consistently for years before that. When asked about what had brought them to The Marriage Recovery Center, they focused on the emotional stress they felt from fighting. However, they added that their fighting had taken a toll on each of them physically, and this was the final issue leading them to seeking professio
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
I sat nearly helpless at The Marriage Recovery Center as I watched the young grieving couple frozen with sadness and hurt. Both, in their own ways, had lost something dear to them. Weeks earlier John, the 25-year-old husband, discovered that his lovely wife, Trish, had an emotional affair with a co-worker. Brief though it was, he was haunted with images of her illicit relationship.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
It was so subtle I hardly noticed it. Karen, a 27-year-old mother of three, sat passively before me while her husband, Ron, also 27, spoke to her. Thin and appearing depressed, she and her husband had come to see me for their marriage crisis. Actually, he wasn’t really speaking to her—he was lecturing her, making a point. Ever so gradually his tone became harsher. He was leaning toward her and began pointing a finger at her. I was so caught up in his words that I didn’t notice his intrusive, inv
Thursday, January 09, 2014
Language and communication are critical aspects of any relationship. And yet for as much as we talk, much is either left unsaid or the nuance of the communication is lost. This point was brought home to me the other day when working with a couple at The Marriage Recovery Center. Olivia and John, both trim and fit and dressed in jeans and tennis shoes, had come for help after only seven years of marriage. Both appeared stiff and sad, anxious about what would occur.
Monday, December 16, 2013
I am a man. I am also a man of a certain age, with a certain number of years of tread on these earthly tires, and that had given me perspective. I have been in relationship much of my life, giving me even more material from which to write.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
“I don’t like fighting,” Douglas said during a recent Marriage Intensive. A lanky man with a wide, beaming grin, he made no bones about his conflict style. “I’m not going to fight if I can help it,” he continued. “If she pushes me, I might blow up, but more than likely, I’m going to walk away.” “And that drives me crazy,” his wife Jackie, said. “I want to talk things out. I pressure him more when he walks away from me.”
Tuesday, December 03, 2013
Make a wound or heal a wound. At nearly every intersection in a relationship, especially the tense touch points, you have that choice: you can make a wound or you can help to heal a wound. This may seem incredible to you. How is it possible to either make a wound or heal a wound? Is life really that simple? Yes and no.
Monday, November 25, 2013
When we think about infidelity or unfaithfulness, our minds usually thinks of a sexual affair. However, there are many forms of unfaithfulness. “I couldn’t believe it when I found out about his hidden checking account,” Jennifer cried as she shared the specifics of her situation. Having been married only one year, with this being her second marriage, she felt very hurt and betrayed when she discovered money her husband, Gerald, had not shared with her.