Tuesday, December 03, 2013
Make a wound or heal a wound. At nearly every intersection in a relationship, especially the tense touch points, you have that choice: you can make a wound or you can help to heal a wound. This may seem incredible to you. How is it possible to either make a wound or heal a wound? Is life really that simple? Yes and no.
Monday, November 25, 2013
When we think about infidelity or unfaithfulness, our minds usually thinks of a sexual affair. However, there are many forms of unfaithfulness. “I couldn’t believe it when I found out about his hidden checking account,” Jennifer cried as she shared the specifics of her situation. Having been married only one year, with this being her second marriage, she felt very hurt and betrayed when she discovered money her husband, Gerald, had not shared with her.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
We just completed an amazing Marriage Intensive in which a couple, currently separated, made so much progress that we are certain they will be reconciling soon. As you can imagine, this couple, Tom and Cassie, were in serious trouble when they arrived. Married for 10 years with two young children, they never expected to be in this situation. It was with tremendous sadness that Cassie asked Tom to leave their home following months of fighting.
Monday, November 04, 2013
Another couple just arrived and participated in their Marriage Intensive at The Marriage Recovery Center. Like many others before them, they were broken and disconnected, wounded and worn. Sitting about as far from each other as they could on the sofa, each shared a list of wounds they had experienced, offering justification for their feelings of betrayal and detachment. We allow each person to speak freely at first—we want to know their heart and how they come to this treatment process.
Monday, October 28, 2013
There is a critical question that every couple must ask and answer: “Am I able to influence my mate?” You might think this is not such a critical question, but I have found that the answer is critical to the direction of the relationship. What do I mean by this? What I mean is that we must have a sense that we are heard and cared about in our relationships. We must have a sense that our mate, friends, family or anyone with whom we relate, cares about us and wants to know what we think, feel and
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Can you remember the excitement you felt when your mate lavished special attention on you? Perhaps it was a special evening, when he/she spent all day preparing that extraordinary meal, arranging for the kids to away so you could spend quality time together. Perhaps it was literally a ‘time away’ when you could lazily sleep in, enjoy the bed and breakfast, and then simply spend the day any way you wished. The critical aspect was time together with your mate without distractions.
Monday, October 07, 2013
I have found in my work with hundreds of couples that a common thread in their relationship is a desire for mutual respect. In fact, a relationship without mutual respect will be dysfunctional in some way. Consider Douglas and Rebecca, a couple who are engaged to be married, but who are postponing their marriage now because of problems stemming from disrespect. Douglas and Rebecca, both in their early 20’s and attending the local university, clearly love each other.
Monday, September 30, 2013
We just completed a Personal Intensive—three days— with a man estranged from his wife. Married for only two years, he was saddened and discouraged by his plight. Jeremy, a 30-year-old businessman, came to The Marriage Recovery Center broken and hurt, frightened beyond words that he may not be able to save his shattered marriage. Jeremy’s situation was tragic enough—a new marriage already on the rocks. However, it was worsened by the fact that much of the rift between he and his wife was of his o
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Every relationship has its rough spots. There will always be those times, and those topics, that are more difficult to manage than others. During a recent Marriage Intensive, Chuck and Cindy had a very challenging time managing a few of those ‘speed bumps.’ Married for 10 years, they came to The Marriage Recovery Center ostensibly for a ‘tune up’—at least that’s the way Chuck introduced things.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
"I can’t really get my husband’s attention,” Carrie complained, her face appearing tired and drawn. “We haven’t been emotionally connected for years and I’m not sure it even bothers him.” Her husband of 12 years, Frank, had said nearly the same thing to me when we met alone at The Marriage Recovery Center. “I’m not sure she really cares what I think,” he said bitterly. “She has her way of doing things and expects me to step in line..."