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Marriage 911

About this Blog

Dr. David Hawkins is the director of The Marriage Recovery Center and has been helping couples in crisis restore and revitalize their relationships for more than 30 years.

At The Marriage Recovery Center, Dr. Hawkins promotes '3 Days To a New Marriage, Guaranteed!' Contact TMRC for a free 20-minute consultation.

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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Having Casual, Collaborative and Critical Conversations

Not all conversations are created equal. You know this. Some are light and airy, bringing joy and happiness. Some are a bit more serious, needing focus and deliberation. Others are even more serious, in fact critical, and can have weighty implications. Most of us prefer the light and airy conversations. I know I do. Many of us avoid the conversations that are weighty, and yet avoiding them often leads to even weightier ones in the future. Avoidance leads to feelings of resentment, irritability a

posted @ Tuesday, April 15, 2014 3:47 PM | Feedback (0)

Monday, April 07, 2014

The Danger of Anger

There’s one letter separating ‘danger’ and ‘anger,’ and this may not be coincidental. There is often anger involved in danger, and there’s almost always danger involved in anger. Anger is perhaps the most commonly expressed emotion, and readily identified by most, self-righteously affirmed and dangerously expressed. Most will admit to feeling angry and even reiterate their ‘right’ to feel it.

posted @ Monday, April 07, 2014 4:52 PM | Feedback (0)

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Positive Codependence: Moving From Me to We

We have all heard about the perils of codependence—losing ourselves in others. We’ve read and practiced the art of setting boundaries, proclaiming our individuality. These are good insights and strategies that work well for us—mostly—except when they don’t. The unspoken story is the flip side of this equation. I’ll share a story that happened to me just this past week.

posted @ Tuesday, April 01, 2014 10:21 AM | Feedback (0)

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The Healing Power of Friendship

Life is difficult. So begins Scott Peck’s best-selling book, The Road Less Traveled. We resonate with these words as we find life often to be difficult. Peck was not the first person to echo those words, of course, as the Apostle James also told us there would be trials in this life and that we must embrace them and grow from them. (James 1:2)

posted @ Tuesday, March 25, 2014 4:24 PM | Feedback (0)

Monday, March 17, 2014

Balancing Our Emotions in Marriage

Every day brings a new set of challenges. The car won’t start; our children have struggles in school; we are treated unfairly at work; our marriage is not what we want it to be. With each situation brings a different set of emotions—sadness, hurt, perhaps fear. Each situation demands that we balance our emotions. This is often easier said than done. I’ve always felt a bit different than many men—I feel everything. In fact, I often process events through my emotions. I sense situations before I e

posted @ Monday, March 17, 2014 4:25 PM | Feedback (1)

Monday, March 10, 2014

When Wounds Get In Our Way

We had gone through our communication process in painstaking detail. Joe and Kelsey, a couple who had flown in from New York the previous day, had rehearsed how to speak with sensitivity and openness. They knew the importance of not speaking from a place of anger and accusation, but respect and dignity. “Can you be with me?” Joe said to his wife of seventeen years, Kelsey, as he prepared to talk about some of his hurts. “I guess so,” she said solemnly, barely looking at him. She appeared shaken

posted @ Monday, March 10, 2014 4:37 PM | Feedback (0)

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Why Things Must Fall Apart

We try valiantly to keep things running smoothly in our lives. We keep up with the yard and car maintenance, make it to work and our children’s functions on time, dashing about to keep things running smoothly. That’s a good thing. Routine is good for us—except for when it is not! There are times, many times, when we try to convince ourselves that all is normal. We reason that if we keep doing “things” the way we’ve been doing them, at some point in time “things” will change.

posted @ Tuesday, February 11, 2014 4:04 PM | Feedback (0)

Monday, February 03, 2014

Building a Hedge of Protection

The couple sat in silence in front of me at The Marriage Recovery Center. Sadly, they had experienced the horror of infidelity and were now trying to pick up the pieces. I’ve written extensively on this topic, and have emphasized that safety must be a foremost issue after unfaithfulness. The victim of the affair must be completely reassured that the affair has ended and there can be no further contact with the other person. Tragically, too many people find out they have not had enough protection

posted @ Monday, February 03, 2014 4:26 PM | Feedback (1)

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The Emotional Toll of Fighting

The couple was both obviously irritable and irritated with one another. They had been fighting for several days prior to coming to The Marriage Recovery Center, and apparently fairly consistently for years before that. When asked about what had brought them to The Marriage Recovery Center, they focused on the emotional stress they felt from fighting. However, they added that their fighting had taken a toll on each of them physically, and this was the final issue leading them to seeking professio

posted @ Tuesday, January 28, 2014 10:27 AM | Feedback (0)

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Keep Things in Perspective in a Crisis

I sat nearly helpless at The Marriage Recovery Center as I watched the young grieving couple frozen with sadness and hurt. Both, in their own ways, had lost something dear to them. Weeks earlier John, the 25-year-old husband, discovered that his lovely wife, Trish, had an emotional affair with a co-worker. Brief though it was, he was haunted with images of her illicit relationship.

posted @ Tuesday, January 21, 2014 2:07 PM | Feedback (0)