Monday, February 06, 2012
The call came in like so many others. “I’m so tired of holding our marriage together,” Karla said. She made her intentions clear. Her voice was tired and thin. “I don’t hold out much hope,” Karla continued. “I’m mostly calling because Brad wanted me to. He found your program and wants to come out to save our marriage. But, I don’t think I’m really interested.” “Tell me more about what’s going on,” I pressed.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
I received a call yesterday from a 29 year-old woman who was in obvious distress. Married for seven years, she was inquiring about marriage counseling. “What is the problem?” I asked. “It’s hard to say exactly,” she said. “It’s just not what I want in a marriage.” Paula seemed unusually vague with her concerns. “How would you rate your marriage?” I asked. “I don’t know,” she said slowly.
Monday, January 23, 2012
“It seems like I’m always irritated at her,” Greg said to me, referring to his wife of seven years. “I don’t know if it’s me being grumpy or what, but so many things she does just bug me.” Greg and Lori had been coming to see me for marriage counseling for the past two months, and he had asked for an individual session.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Most couples have “hot issues” they would rather not talk about. These are the topics that bring instant tension. They may have been talked about in the past, unsuccessfully. Because the issues are “hot”, and are likely to create stress and tension, many couples avoid them—indefinitely. Such was the case with Garth and Jena, who had a mountain of “hot issues” they had accumulated over their 20-year marriage.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Becky came to the Marriage Recovery Center in the throes of marriage stress. Her husband of 15 years was leaving her and she was anxious to make him stay. She had begged him to come with her for marriage counseling, but he insisted he was in no emotional place to work on their marriage. Cal wanted “time to think things over”.
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
“You don’t care how I feel,” Laura said angrily to Stephen. He winced at her words. “That’s ridiculous,” Stephen blurted, her words, however, striking a chord with him. She had made that accusation before and each time her words cut a little deeper. He wondered if some part of her words might be true. “Why ridiculous?” she demanded. “If you really cared about me, you’d listen to me..."
Monday, December 12, 2011
I watched yet again as couple attending an intensive here at The Marriage Recovery Center clawed and fought for what they wanted from each other, all the while becoming more and more exhausted and discouraged. “Do you notice what is happening here?” I asked. Jill had tears in her eyes as her husband, Ted, stared at her angrily. Married for seven years, they had come here as a “last ditch effort”.
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
You don’t have to attend every fight to which you are invited. Think about it. People invite you to a fight everyday. Some do it brazenly: “That’s the dumbest thing anyone has ever said.” Some do it subtly: “What makes you think you’re doing it right?” The end result is the same: a fight. Whether someone stands nose to nose with you or perhaps very passively puts you down, the result is the same—a fight.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
It all began innocently enough, as these things often do. Cal, a 47-year-old engineer, reserved but friendly, had been contacted by an old friend through a social networking website. He had ventured into online chatting cautiously and awkwardly. No problem so far. Then he struck up a conversation with an old female friend from high school, asking what had she been doing with her life? How many kids? Happily married?
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
I watched Jennifer grow pale as her husband of three years, Kevin stonewalled her. He sat rigid and silent as she asked him sensitive questions about their marriage. Jennifer was 37 years old, vivacious and lively. Both she and Kevin had been married before. She hoped this marriage would go better, but so far she had been bitterly disappointed. “I want to believe that he won’t cheat on me like my ex-husband did, but I don’t know if I can trust him.”