Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The Apostle James is clear; we are not to be fighting and quarreling. We are not to be stuck in trying to get what we want, coercing others into submitting to our point of view or will. Yet, fighting fair seems to be built upon the premise that we will fight; we just must follow some rules for how to fight fairly. But “fighting” and being “fair” about it are generally mutually exclusive.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Simply put, Karen was tired. She had lost hope that Darin would change. She had lost hope that he would become interested in her life. She wanted someone who would not only care about her life, but would champion her desires and goals. She didn’t want to beg him to read the books on improving their communication. She wanted him to seek out those books on his own and take initiative to change.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Researchers are clear—when contempt and acrimony flood a relationship, a physical or emotional separation is not far behind. This research isn’t based on rocket science, but rather practical principles, as well as Biblical truths, that we cannot abuse each other without severe ramifications.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Thankfully, our relationships don’t need to be driven by our brain stems. Put another way, we can think through how we want to respond to confrontation. In fact, with a little forethought we can manage how someone talks to us after we have been confronted.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
It has always been uncomfortable to admit to shortcomings. Rarely do we like our faults pointed out to us. Few feel strong or secure enough to allow someone to speak truth into their lives. It is far easier, and much more comfortable, to sit with the mistaken belief that we are somehow on the higher moral road, and our mate is on the lower one. Sadly, this mistake keeps us stuck, both relationally and as individuals.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Having worked in a drug and alcohol treatment facility, I’ve seen first-hand the devastation that occurs in the life of the drug user (as well as alcohol) and to the lives of the husbands/ wives and families as well. The repercussions are far-reaching. Finances are ruined, trust betrayed, and safety sabotaged. Let me remind you of the few things you can do to cope with this silent killer. Armed with accurate information, you can make good choices for yourself and your family.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Having just spent several days in Tennessee, we watched broadcasts of cities being flooded with unseasonal rains. Many panicked as their homes were besieged with water. I felt immediate empathy, having been a victim of flooding myself. This literal flooding reminded me of another kind of flooding that takes place —emotional flooding. When our brains are overwhelmed with too many emotions, in a short period of time, they are unable to process information accurately, leading to something I call wi
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
We were huddled together outside an adorable bungalow in a quaint neighborhood in Seattle. Invited to participate in several “walk-throughs,” there was an air of excitement about which home my son, Tyson and daughter-in-law Jordana, would choose to make an offer on. Their first home out of med school, with crackerjack houses costing more than many earn in a decade, this was a BIG decision. Excitement comingling with anxiety created a bit of tension.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Change demands a lot from us. It requires breaking out of established patterns that inevitably lead to marriage crises. It requires letting go of old ways of seeing things and abandoning failed methods of dealing with problems. We must be willing to face the truth about our problems. Shortcuts and quick fixes don’t work. Real change involves real commitment, effort and engagement.
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Doing what we wish we wouldn’t do has been our problem since the beginning of time. We are creatures of bad habits. We mimic the bad behavior we learned from our parents, our siblings, other children on the playground, and from society in general. Still, we are called to rise above these troubling habits. How can this be done?