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Myself, My Wife and Porn

Dr. David Hawkins — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 15:41:50 GMT

I was reluctant to write another column on pornography, however, the emails keep coming in about the absolutely devastating impact this addiction has on marriages.

In my book, Breaking Everyday Addictions I note how sexual addictions are more rampant than anyone realizes. From men who have serial affairs, to those who are addicted to pornography, sexual addictions are particularly malignant and destructive to marriages.

As with all forms of addictions, sexual addictions become secretive, are fraught with denial and minimization, and are progressive. Destructive behavior continues in spite of the positive intentions of the addicted person. No longer free to choose their behavior, they are instead driven by secret, shameful compulsions.

One of the most difficult aspects of sexual addictions concerns the issue of “coming clean.” The spouse of the sexual addict often wants to know the full extent of the addiction, and because of the very secretive nature of the addict, that information is either not forthcoming, or is not believed. The couple is left with rampant distrust.

Consider this recent email on the issue:

Dear Dr. Hawkins. I am forty years old and have been married to the same woman for twenty years. I went in and out of pornography for the first fifteen years of our marriage and was caught repeatedly at it. I finally had victory over it because a friend of mine and I formed an accountability group. That helped me immensely. However, people stopped attending the group and it sort of fell apart.

Unfortunately, my oldest son got hooked on it, brought it into the house and the subject of porn became a constant subject between my wife and me. We ended up asking him to leave the house. But the temptation started again and I started viewing it on the web. For six weeks I would view it, save sites and then erase the whole thing. I even viewed bondage porn. My wife caught me and as can be expected it was like dropping a hand grenade into our marriage. I ended up going for counseling, contacting a very strong Christian man and asking him to allow me to be accountable to him, to which he agreed and put a Covenant Eyes program on my laptop to track what sites I looked at. That all happened at the end of April. The man who agreed to make me accountable told me that I had to put up with whatever she wanted to dish out for six weeks, the approximate time I'd spent dipping into and out of porn sites. I did. However, since then, she has vented in loud screaming, swearing at me, throwing books and plates, not at me, but across rooms and even now we have arguments that last for a day or two. I was reading your articles on 'Crazymakers' and I think that some of the characteristics apply to both of us. However, we just don't seem to be able to communicate calmly or respectfully. She claims that I'm not interested in what she has to say. My perspective is she wants to be able to say anything, whether it is true or not, and not let me have a say. She clings to every mistake I make and then whips me with it. I know that I probably do the same things she does, but our arguments sometimes last for days and I feel emotionally drained. Help!

First things first. You need to deal with your sexual addiction. Take whatever steps are necessary, including the possibility of an inpatient program, or a community-based program such as Sexual Addicts Anonymous or Celebrate Recovery to deal effectively with your sexual addiction. You found some success with an accountability partner but this is not likely enough. Consider taking dramatic steps to recover from this serious problem. Until you do, your wife will remain distrusting, angry and resentful.

Once you have dealt honestly with your addiction, complete with accountability, then you can work on your marriage. You cannot expect your wife to act rationally when there is incredible chaos, deception and destruction occurring in your home.
I’m also concerned that you talk as if you’re the victim, while expecting your wife to act like nothing terrible is occurring. She is the victim of incredible betrayal, deception and disrespect. You have relapsed again and again, undoubtedly making her feel betrayed again and again. Part of your recovery will be to make amends to her for your actions and assuring her you are serious about recovery.

This principle, incidentally, fits for any addiction. Wherever there is addiction—and our homes are plagued with everyday addictions—there is deception, excuse-making, rationalizing and other forms of unhealthy communication. Addiction breeds bondage, idolatry and “crazymaking.”

After you have fully faced the severity of your addiction, and taken steps toward healing, then I recommend marriage counseling to learn effective communication and conflict resolution skills. There is absolutely no reason to be fighting for days. Your wife may need to be involved in her own recovery program as well, simultaneous to your program.

Unfortunately, finding psychologists and specialists in this field may be somewhat difficult. Don’t give up. As you suggested, you may have to start your own chapter of SAA. Remember, half measures don’t change anything.
Addiction impacts everyone in the family. Both of you need to heal from the years of betrayal, and develop strategies for keeping your home free from pornography in the future. Understand that it will take time for your wife to trust you again, and she may need her own counseling to recover from your addiction and unhealthy patterns of communication she has learned. Thankfully, you both can recover and your marriage can be restored if you want it badly enough.

Please share your experience with this problem. Let others know what has been helpful to you. Are you aware of other programs helpful for sexual addicts and their mates? Feel free to contact me through my website for more information.

Fight Homosexuality by Reaching Out

Sydney Johnson — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 09:09:46 GMT

Several blogs have talked about readers being tempted by same sex attractions, yet being able to resist and not fall into homosexual sin. Praise the Lord you have stayed pure! This has made me reflect on why I fell into the trap of this temptation.

Ever since I can remember I have always struggled with homosexuality. I would cry out to God to take these attractions away, but they seemed to get stronger and stronger. I in turn, got madder and madder at God for not healing my sexuality. I remember getting ready for class one morning and while taking a shower, I just broke down sobbing asking the Lord to please take these feelings away. I felt like they were over taking me. And nothing happened. I made a conscience decision to put my Bible on the shelf and have my first experience. I wish I had never opened the door to this bondage. Why? Why did I give in?

So why did I not reach out for help when I was in middle or high school? Why could I not bring this into the light? I told no one about my struggle. No one. I kept my thoughts and same sex attractions in the dark and never reached out to anyone. Satan had me right where he wanted—isolated and thinking I was the only one who struggled and thought the way I did. How could I possibly love the Lord? I could not confide in my family because one night I heard them say during a TV program that “those people are sick.” I was one of those people. Now, I know that I was not sick, just deeply emotionally wounded.

Here are some reasons why I choose not to reach out for help: 1) Anger-- I was so angry at God, especially for not helping me. 2) Fear—I was so afraid of being rejected and abandoned by family and friends. 3) Pride—I had to keep up my image of having it all together. I did not need someone else’s help. I and my family had no problems. Satan is such a liar. He takes great pleasure in destroying our relationship with our Heavenly Father.

The Lord has restored all the years I lost while living in sin, but I regret making the choice to enter Satan’s traps. I am so sorry and wish I had received help in my teen years. Please reach out to someone for help. Whether you have fallen or not, it is never too late! God wants to set you free from the bondage of same sex attractions. Do not let the enemy have anymore ground in your life. We need each other to fight the battle of principalities and sin. God Bless you all! Reach out TODAY.

Redeemed,

Sydney Johnson

P.S, Check out this powerful video

Todd Bentley takes Sabatical from Ministry; Leaders Comment on Lakeland

Craig von Buseck — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 14:53:11 GMT

Across the church spectrum, leaders are expressing opinions about recent events that have transpired in the life of Todd Bentley and at the Lakeland Revival. After originally claiming no third party was involved in his filing for separation from his wife, Bentley confessed to his ministry’s board of directors last week that he had engaged in “an unhealthy relationship” with another woman -- the second person he has been involved with outside his marriage in the past three years.

The Fresh Fire Ministries’ board released a statement explaining that Bentley had “entered into an unhealthy relationship on an emotional level with a female member of his staff.”

Another statement was released by Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship pastor John Arnott, who was one of the three leaders appointed during the Lakeland Outpouring to oversee Bentley. Arnott's statement added reports of “excessive drinking.”

Bentley has resigned from Fresh Fire’s board of directors and will “refrain from all public ministry for a season to receive counsel in his personal life.”

“I am deeply saddened for the body of Christ that has been disillusioned yet again,” Arnott said. “Had any of us known what was just ahead, perhaps we would have been able to intervene before things went into crisis.”

Click here to read John Arnott's full statement on Todd Bentley.

Dutch Sheets Apostolic Letter

Another statement that deserves particular attention, in my opinion, is an apostolic letter to the Body of Christ from Rev. Dutch Sheets. In a frank, and in my opinion humble letter, Dutch addresses what he considers to be major weaknesses in the Charismatic segment of Christianity, which were highlighted in the Lakeland revival.

Did leaders handling the Lakeland situation make mistakes? Yes—huge mistakes. Beyond the obvious fruit of salvations and healings, can good come from Lakeland, as some have suggested, even with the recent revelations concerning Todd Bentley? Yes, but only if there is complete honesty and transparency, the removal of all attempts at self-preservation, and absolute humility from all sides.

Dutch goes on to point out how the Church must always look beyond the short-term fruit of miracles and healings to the long term issues of character and holiness when judging a move of God.

…looking past some of the immediate and positive results, I, like many, also looked ahead to the possible fruit from questionable doctrine and experiences, exaggeration and hype, youthful pride, character issues and the frightening potential of a 32 year “young” man leading a movement that could shape the future of the Church. These things were frightening, very frightening, to others and me.

When something has the potential of setting precedent, birthing a movement and being reproduced as a prototype, we are no longer simply endorsing good brothers, good intentions and miracles. Doctrine and foundations will be built on these events. Teachings and paradigms for future ministries will be formed—in short, the next generation of the church and the move of God in the earth could be greatly impacted. This is why I stopped short of endorsing everything at Lakeland.

Dutch states that it was a mistake to publicly endorse Bentley's ministry with a commissioning service.

Should those who “aligned” Todd with spiritual fathers (which was a good thing and positioned him to receive help if he chooses to accept it) have realized to do so publicly was a mistake and could be interpreted by those watching in no other way than as a complete endorsement? Yes, they should have, especially when the event became a commissioning ceremony, complete with decrees and prophecies of going to higher levels, predictions of Todd’s increasing world-wide influence and leading a world-wide revival, emphatic and prolific endorsements of his character, etc.

How could those watching believe the evening was anything but an aligning, endorsing and commissioning ceremony? It was. It really doesn’t matter who laid their hands on Todd—all share responsibility. This was unwise at best, naïve at least and at its worst, foolish. And should the leaders involved have realized that those of us connected to them relationally, ministerially, and as movements—some even in alignment with them apostolically and as sons and daughters—would feel minimalized, if not betrayed, by the fact that they were in essence taking us onto the stage with them? Yes.

In the end, however, Dutch points out that we must learn from these mistakes, and the mistakes of other moves of God in the past century, so that we can build a movement within Christianity whose fruit will remain forever.

In order for the coming great awakening to bear maximum fruit we must have both, as well as a course correction that sets us on a path of wisdom leading to life. There is no doubt that past moves of God have been aborted, ended prematurely and contained error or heresy that have wounded, if not destroyed, many. The healing revival of the 40’s and 50’s, the charismatic movement, discipleship movement and Jesus movement are all examples. My heart is to help shape a movement, the fruit of which will last for decades—better yet, forever.

Read Dutch Sheets' Statement Regarding Lakeland

My Observations and Response

We are all saddened for Todd and Shonnah Bentley. I pray that God would intervene and bring healing and restoration.

Like many, I had mixed feeling about the Lakeland revival. As reports of unorthodox doctrine and ministry practices emerged I began to feel more uneasy about what was taking place. I was relieved when I heard that apostolic fathers were stepping in to bring oversight to the revival. These are men of wisdom, maturity, and integrity, and I was happy to see them enter into the picture.

I will be interested to read the statements of these men as the days and weeks commence to see how and why they got involved and how they saw the events unfolding. While I was happy to see these men become a part of the oversight team, in hindsight, like Dutch Sheets, I believe they moved to quickly to publicly endorse the revival without thoroughly investigating all that was going on.

After hearing mixed reports on the revival in Lakeland, I wanted to go and see for myself what was happening. But Todd Bentley had already stepped back from the revival for a season by the time I was able to attend in July, so I didn't see him there.

I was in Florida for the Christian Booksellers Convention and I ran into J. Lee Grady, the editor of Charisma magazine. We spoke for a few moments and I told him that I was grateful for his frank assessment of the revival. Grady and the staff at Charisma did a very good job, first in reporting on the beginnings of the revival, and then in urging caution, and finally warnings about the excesses of the revival.

The night I went to Lakeland the worship was powerful, the teaching was biblical, and there was an atmosphere of joy and peace in the room. But behind the scenes the news of Bentley's marital problems was already surfacing.

More from J. Lee Grady on Lakeland: "Life After Lakeland: Sorting Out the Confusion"

Related Grady Article: Angels, Deception and a Cry for Biblical Truth

I wrote this in an earlier ChurchWatch blog, but I believe it bears repeating. Whether you loved or loathed Todd Bentley and the Lakeland Revival, now is a time to pray for Todd and his wife, Shonnah. Yes, there are questions that need to be answered. Yes, there are lessons that need to be learned. But the Church must walk in grace and truth, just as Jesus did. To walk only in truth without grace and love is to be a clanging symbol or a noisy gong. Let love be our highest goal, for love never fails.

"The History and Future of the Present Revival" by Rick Joyner of MorningStar Ministries

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Increasing Violence and Death as Hindus and Christians Clash in India

Craig von Buseck — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 20:15:39 GMT

At least 18 people are confirmed dead in 92 incidents of violence against Christians since suspected Maoists murdered Hindu leader Swamiji Laxmanananda Saraswati and four others on Saturday, August 23rd in Orissa state, says Compass News Direct (CND).

With Hindu extremists inciting hatred by heated accusations that Christians killed Saraswati, the national newspaper Hindu reported yesterday that nine people had been killed in Orissa violence, and a CND source near the state capital of Bhubaneswar confirmed an additional nine people slain.

The figure of 92 incidents thus far comes from the Global Council of Indian Christians.

Additionally, the Compass source said that Hindu extremists killed Pastor Samuel Naik of the Bakingia Seventh-Day Adventist Church at Kandhamal. Pastor Mukunda Bardhan from Mukundapur, Gajapati was burned to death earlier this week.

Three other people whose names have not yet been verified, said the source, were killed in Katingia village of G. Udaygiri, along with a pastor belonging to Operation Mobilization from the same area. In Badimunda, about seven miles from G. Udaygiri, nearly 25 Christian homes were burned down.

CND says there were many reports of Christians being pulled from their homes and killed or beaten, with many homes of Christians torched in Baliguda. According to reports by the Evangelical Fellowship of India (EFI), the East India office of Compassion International in Bhubaneswar was ransacked.

“Some people have called the violence ‘Hindu-Christian clashes,’" said Dr. Joseph D’souza, President of the All India Christian Council (aicc). "But this is not accurate. Innocent Christians – mostly of Dalit origin – continue to be attacked by communal organizations which are mocking the rule of law. Governance in Orissa state appears to have disintegrated.”

From December 24, 2007 through January 2, 2008, attacks in Kandhamal district killed at least four Christians and destroyed more than 100 churches and 730 Christian homes. Several dozen women were sexually harassed and assaulted, and more than 40 shops belonging to Christians were looted and destroyed. Most of the victims were Dalits, formerly known as untouchables.

The current crisis appears to be a continuation and expansion of this violence, sparked by the murder of Swami Saraswati.

According to CND, Saraswati and four others were killed by suspected Maoists in the swami's ashram, or religious center, in the Jalespata area of Kandhamal district's Tumudiband Block in Orissa state. A warning letter found at the Saraswati religious center and use of expensive arms suggested Maoists were behind the attack.

CND also says Orissa Police Chief Gopal Chandra Nanda downplayed the violence, telling Reuters that incidents were only "sporadic" and that "some prayer houses have been attacked and vehicles have been burnt." Likewise, local authorities and media have painted the shutdown as "peaceful," denying that organized attacks took place. The state is ruled by a coalition of the BJP and the Biju Janata Dal party.

At the same time, CND says that Hindutva (Hindu nationalist) extremists have continued to incite hatred against Christians and criticized the local government. VHP Secretary General Pravin Tagodia accused the state government of Chief Minister Naveen Patnaik of acting like a "eunuch" and demanded his apology for the killing of Saraswati and his companions.

"Christians murdered Swamiji, but the government is lying and giving it a Maoist color," Tagodia said. "Naveen as an individual and police, in particular, are responsible for this attack orchestrated by the church on Hindu dharma.''

Sources from Kandhamal district told CND that hundreds of Christians along with their families have fled to the nearby forests to save their lives in the rainy climate and are without shelter, food and clothing.

"Three adults and one child were reportedly killed in fresh violence in Barakhama, Kandhamal," EFI News reported.

Michael Ireland of Assist News Service reports that a delegation of Christian leaders in New Delhi met with Home Minister Shivraj Patil to brief him of the situation and to register their concern. Patil assured the Christian delegation, including the Rev. Dr. Richard Howell, general secretary of EFI, and Father Babu Joseph, spokesperson of the Catholic Bishops Conference of India of the central government's support in curbing violence against Christians in the state.

The VHP and its allies had called for a 12-hour shutdown to protest the killing of the swami, and Christian leaders expected Hindu mobs would use it to mobilize strikes at the Christian community.
"But what has taken place has even surpassed what we expected," said one pastor who wished to remain anonymous.

According to the CND report, Hindu extremists paraded the body of Saraswati throughout nearby villages, whipping up anger and mobilizing crowds against Christians, in uncontested defiance of a Kandhamal district administration prohibition against the gathering of four or more people. Among the slogans shouted was, "Kill Christians and destroy their institutions."

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Megachurch Flatscreens, Olympic Crimefighters, Atheist Billboards and More ...

Jesse Carey — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 12:22:00 GMT

Medicine vs. Miracles

A new survey has found that Americans have more faith in God than doctors when it comes to life-threatening health scares. About 57 percent of those surveyed said they thought God could miraculously intervene in a dire health situation even when physicians can’t.

Megachurch TV

Slate has this story about megachurches that are using video conferencing to change the way people go to church. The article looks at how many large congregations actually watch their sermons on big-screen TVs and projectors from other churches thousands of miles away.

Though the “franchising” element that brings popular pastors and trendy churches to new areas has rubbed some people the wrong, the movement is catching on, and some think, is also drawing new visitors into the Church.

Bolt the Crime Fighter

As fun as it is cheering on your home country’s athletes in the Olympics, there’s something inspiring about seeing smaller nations rally around their own athletes and watch their pride in having them take home medals. Jamaica’s Usain Bolt (could a sprinter have a cooler name than “Bolt”?!) is one of those great stories. With seemingly effortless performances, the sprinter has shattered track and field records, and his larger than life personality has made him as fun to watch off the field as he is on.

Time magazine recently posted this story about how athletes like Bolt are offering a hopeful alternative to the violent lifestyle that many Jamaican youth have fallen in to. The country has an enormous murder rate and gun violence is an increasingly severe problem.

Officials in the country are hoping to offer new programs to troubled youth that provide them with a way of staying off the street and engaging in sports programs.

I posted last week about how community officials in Southern California are combating gang violence by offering rugby programs. Again, I think the Church should take note and look to organized sports as a productive outreach to kids in neighbors that offer little alternative.

Olympic Missionaries

And speaking of the Olympics, all those bans and restrictions placed on religious groups by the Chinese government haven't stopped some missions groups. Here’s a story about how American-based missionaries have seen people be open to the Gospel despite opposition from the government.

Signs of the Times

You know those black-and-white billboards that contain quotes from God? They’re from an evangelical group called God Speaks and are an effort to get people interested in the Gospel.

Well now an atheist group has launched their own billboard campaign.

When It Rains, It Pours!

Nicole Harris — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 13:26:58 GMT

The week after our vacation landed us in the hospital. It wasn't a surprise visit though. Our oldest daughter had to have her tonsils taken out Monday morning, the day after we got home from being out of town. Ugh!

All went well during surgery. They even removed a ridiculously loose tooth putting an end to an enormous amount of unnecessary drama. Hallelujah! She did, however, have a nasty time coming down from the anesthesia. She spent the day vomiting -- just the thing you want to do when you’ve had surgery on your throat.

We were finally sent home with serious pain meds, antibiotics, and my personal favorite, the anti-nausea SUPPOSITORY. We got her home and administer as directed, only to have the vomiting all over again. Did I mention the antibiotics give her diarrhea? Super! All I can say is it was a looooong night.

By Thursday, she was recovering quite nicely and looking and feeling a lot better. By the next morning, I was wakened by my youngest daughter a little before 6 am :cringe: She was panick-stricken and shaking uncontrollably. What on earth now? I rush her to the bathroom and she begins throwing up violently. This lasts for about an hour. I love my life.

Later that night, my son wakes up with a nasty head cold unable to breath through his nose and mad about it. Is this some sort of sick cosmic joke? I finally get him back to sleep and lay in my own bed, repeating again and again until sleep comes for me “I am grateful, I am grateful, I am grateful....”

When it rains, it pours!

Moms, what do you do when it seems like everything is going all wrong?

Help for America's Obesity Problem

Julia Havey — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 12:47:36 GMT

How to best combat obesity in America is as huge of a national debate as abortion, the coming election and tax increases. Heck, we spend so much time debating the issues that there is little time or money left to actually solve the problems we face.

Here's the truth. Whether Americans want to face it or not, we eat too much fast food, restaurant food and over-processed "convenience foods". We drink too many soft drinks, juice drinks and "sports"/"energy" drinks that are loaded with high fructose corn syrup (even the seemingly healthy product "Vitamin Water" is loaded with the junk!) and we sit on our widening rear ends hours on end, pardon the pun, doing NONE or not enough physical activity. The average person watches more TV in a day than they exercise.

The reason we are in this Obesity Pandemic mess is easy to see and simple to fix; but that would mean giving up our comfortable "American" lifestyles; actually having to cook and prepare healthful meals at home:

• Rather than popping open a box of cereal for themselves and/or little Billy before work/school and sending him off to learn fueled with sugar in his engine--we would get up 20 minutes early and make a healthy breakfast of whole grain pancakes w/ fresh fruit in them, egg white omelets with ONE yolk and a lot of fresh vegetables.

• Rather than relying on budget strapped schools to feed your child, save their money for books and teachers salaries and pack your child's lunch! Make a healthful sandwich on whole grain bread, put tomato and lettuce on it. Pack a piece of fruit, a few healthy homemade cookies and a bottle of water. Pack yourself the same lunch and spend your lunch hour at your desk improving your productivity and increasing your income rather than trolling the food court at a nearby mall looking for the tastiest junk to eat.

• Take a baseball bat to every soda machine that offers anything other than water. Ok, that's extreme, but it certainly would help!

• Turn the television OFF and get at least 30 minutes of exercise a day! We are not an obese society because not enough people 'have called Jenny yet', we are an obese society because McDonalds and Coca-Cola sell more food to us than anyone else,

Come on America, are you willing to prove me wrong? NO fast food and NO soft drinks for ONE YEAR; let's just see what it does for our bottom line.

I can almost see the headlines now:

Master Motivator Julia Havey offers a challenge to American's that would cut Obesity rates in half in one year's time. The plan called for total and complete abstinence from fast food and soft drinks for one year. America took the call to action and followed the simple plan and cut government spending on Obesity related causes by $30 BILLION dollars, consumer spending increased because people earned more money due to increased productivity, which was due to their decreased weight and needed new, smaller sized clothing for themselves and their children. Sporting goods sales doubled. And McDonalds and Coca-Cola are out of the junk food business; Coca-Cola's Dansani water line, is the best selling beverage in the world and McDonald's sells grilled chicken salads with healthy low fat dressings, apple dippers WITHOUT the option of caramel to dip it in (that negates any health value they may have!) to millions a day and have revamped their image from enablers of obesity to champions of health!--and then, I woke up!

The source for Obesity solutions
Julia Havey
http://www.JuliaHavey.com

Accepting Yourself

Dr. David Hawkins — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 10:58:18 GMT

Perhaps it is because I see so many people who are plagued with self-doubt, guilt and self-recrimination. It may be because so many of my clients slip easily into depression and hopelessness. For myriad reasons, people are terribly hard on themselves.

While I’m aware that many believe we are a self-absorbed nation, focused solely on doing whatever feels good at the moment, I’m also aware of so many people who, at their deepest level, don’t like themselves.

Yes, this is an apparent contradiction. Self-centered people who don’t like who they are. Obsessed with meeting their every need and yet never satisfied. Perhaps it isn’t as much of a contradiction as we might imagine.

See if the following doesn’t fit you to some extent:

• Having so much, yet never satisfied;
• Enjoying physical comfort, yet always uneasy;
• Living longer, yet enjoying the years less;
• Having more opportunities for friendship, yet having fewer friends;
• Having more opportunities for work, yet enjoying your work less;
• Having greater access to counseling, yet feeling less happy.

The common denominator to the above list of symptoms is the lack of a general sense of well-being. So many of us feel that we don’t measure up, aren’t successful in our work, family or marital life. We have an underlying feeling of failure.

Consider this recent email from a woman clearly struggling with issues related to self-esteem:

Dear Dr. David. No matter what I do, I never feel like I do enough. No matter how much I perform at work, church or in my marriage, I never feel satisfied. I’m always afraid someone is or will be critical of me. The truth of the matter is that I’m critical of myself.

No surprise, but this isn’t a new feeling for me. I grew up feeling abandoned and neglected. I have fought my entire life to get rid of the feeling of not measuring up. Now, no matter what my husband or pastor tell me, I feel insecure. Is there any hope for me?

--Low On Myself

Dear Low,
Sadly, you’re rejection as a child is still having a profound impact on your as an adult. Many who have experienced profound neglect as children carry feelings of insecurity and inadequacy into adulthood. That’s the bad news.
Now for the good news. Like the saying goes, ‘It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.’ What that means is we can, as adults, learn to accept ourselves. We can, especially with God’s help, accept ourselves, treat ourselves with value and see ourselves through God’s eyes of love.

Let me offer a few more specific suggestions.

First, get into counseling. You need to talk about the rejection you experienced and specifically, the lies you have come to believe. For example, you may be carrying around a message that nothing you do is good enough. You will need to combat those lies and discover the truth—that you are good enough, not because of anything you do or don’t do, but because you are a child of God’s.

Counseling can also help in giving back the shame you may be carrying from your parents. While our goal is not to blame parents, it is important to let go of feelings of shame you may have picked up from them. As the saying goes, “That’s not my stuff!”

Second, make an asset inventory. Each of us has been created with unique talents, none identical to others. What are your unique strengths? What can you do that few others can do? You may have to think hard about this, but I’m sure with a little help you can smile at your unique attributes. We aren’t encouraged often enough to celebrate ourselves, but remind yourself that God delights in us!

Third, give up comparisons. Comparisons kill. Any time we compare ourselves to others, we will find others better at something, and of course some who are worse. The key is to discover your unique, God-given abilities and spiritual gifts and embrace them. See Romans 12 and read about the gifts of the Spirit.

Fourth, associate with those who build you up. There are those who steal our joy and those who give us joy. There are those who put us down, and those who build us up. Hang out with those who build you up and celebrate you.

Finally, forgive yourself, again and again. You are only human and have undoubtedly made a lot of mistakes. It is important to remember that we’ve all made mistakes—in fact, we all make mistakes every day. No one’s mistakes are worse than others. “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3: 23) In spite of our shortcomings, we are loved infinitely by God.

I’d like to hear from others. How have you coped with chronic feelings of low self-esteem? What has helped you overcome them?

Bentley, Obama and McCain, Oh My!

Craig von Buseck — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 10:03:29 GMT

Well, I took a week off from ChurchWatch, and what a week it was. While I was away (getting married, by the way for those who have not heard), Todd Bentley announced that he and his wife were filing for separation. Last Friday, the board of Fresh Fire Ministries announced that Todd had "an unhealthy relationship" with a female staff member during the revival. At the same time, Senators Obama and McCain decided to meet with Pastor Rick Warren to talk religion. Oh my!

"We have discovered new information revealing that Todd Bentley has entered into an unhealthy relationship on an emotional level with a female member of his staff," the announcement reads.

The letter, posted on the Fresh Fire Web site, followed another online note three days earlier acknowledging the separation. "Todd and Shonnah Bentley are presently experiencing significant friction in their relationship and are currently separated. We want to affirm that there has been no sexual immorality on the part of either Todd or Shonnah, nor has there ever been."

The news has many inside and outside the Church reeling and many are voicing their opinions. Here are a few worth noting:

"The History and Future of the Present Revival" by Rick Joyner of MorningStar Ministries

"Life After Lakeland: Sorting Out the Confusion" by J. Lee Grady of Charisma Magazine

Whether you loved or loathed Todd Bentley and the Lakeland Revival, now is a time to pray for Todd and his wife, Shonnah. Yes, there are questions that need to be answered. Yes, there are lessons that need to be learned. But the Church must walk in grace and truth, just as Jesus did. To walk only in truth without grace and love is to be a clanging symbol or a noisy gong. Let love be our highest goal, for love never fails.

Related story from CBN News

The Summit at Saddleback

Over the weekend, John McCain and Barack Obama, the presumptive presidential nominees of their respective parties appeared together at Saddleback Church in Orange County, California. The forum was hosted by Pastor Rick Warren who asked each of the candidates the same questions in two separate one-hour sessions.

The main thought on the mind of evangelical Christians was the question of salvation. "What does it mean to you to trust in Christ," Warren asked Senator Obama, "and what does it mean on a daily basis? I mean, what does that really look like?"

"As a starting point, it means I believe in that Jesus Christ died for my sins and that I am redeemed through him," Obama said.

According to CBN News political reporter David Brody, faith is a subject Obama brings up often on the campaign trail but McCain doesn't talk publicly about it much at all.

On Saturday night Warren asked McCain, "You publicly say you are a follower of Christ. What does that mean to you and how does faith work out in your life on a daily basis? What does it mean to you?"

McCain responded "It means I'm saved and forgiven."

Faith and religion has played an interesting and different role in this campaign. This is new ground we're treading on, folks, with Obama's presidential campaign aggressively pursuing the religious vote. According to Time magazine, Senator Obama has a larger and more comprehensive religious outreach operation than any Democrat in history. Other than white Evangelicals, according to an August poll from the Barna Group, Obama leads McCain in every religious demographic — mainline Protestants, Catholics, Jews, Muslims.

But according to Time, those white Evangelicals are key, and so far Obama's support among them is not rising above John Kerry's numbers from 2004.

"One major stumbling block appears to be abortion," writes Time's Amy Sullivan. "Nearly two-thirds of white Evangelicals in a recent TIME poll say they could vote for a candidate whose position on abortion differed from theirs. And many Evangelicals have, like Warren, broadened their agenda of concerns to include issues that should favor Obama like global poverty and the environment. But in practice, abortion continues to be a threshold issue for a large number of Evangelical voters."

Obama last visited Saddleback Church in December, 2006, when he and Kansas Senator Sam Brownback spoke at Warren's annual conference on HIV/AIDS. Senator Brownback opened with a story about how the last time he and Obama shared a stage, it was at a meeting of the NAACP and he didn't receive the most rousing of welcomes. Turning to Obama, he said, "Welcome to my house." The crowd laughed, but when it was Obama's turn, the Democrat had a message for his Republican colleague. "With all due respect, Sam," said Obama, "this is my house, too."

Alan Wisdom, Vice President for Research and Programs at the Institute on Religion and Democracy, commented on the forum. "Each of the three men on stage at Saddleback Church succeeded in his distinct objective. "Rick Warren presented a positive image of evangelicals as concerned about a range of issues, willing to listen to candidates from both parties, and able to address tough issues with civility.

"Barack Obama showed himself to be comfortable among evangelicals, able to appeal to them in a language of faith that they understand. Simply appearing at an evangelical megachurch alongside the GOP candidate was a big gain for Obama.

"John McCain effectively reminded the audience that he has clear conservative positions on a range of issues-from abortion and same-sex marriage to school choice, energy policy, and confronting Islamic extremism-that are much closer to where most evangelicals stand. Obama's more equivocal answers on these questions highlighted the substantive contrast between the candidates. Most evangelicals hold to a conservative political philosophy, and they are likely to end up voting for candidates who share that philosophy."

It will be interesting to watch as the election season unfolds. Here's an example of the Democratic initiative to be inclusive to evangelicals. According to a Democratic National Committee press release, Relevant Magazine founder and CEO Cameron Strang and Florida mega-church pastor Joel Hunter will pray at the Democratic National Convention later this month.

Strang will give the benediction on Monday, August 25 and Hunter will give the benediction on Thursday, August 28.

Here are the rest of the convention evening invocations and benedictions:

Monday, August 25
Invocation: Polly Baca, Catholic, Greeley, CO
Benediction: Cameron Strang, Evangelical, Orlando, FL

Tuesday, August 26
Invocation: Dr. Cynthia Hale, Disciples of Christ, Decatur, GA
Benediction: Revs. Jin Ho Kang and Young Sook Kang, Methodist, Aurora, CO

Wednesday, August 27
Invocation: Archbishop Demetrios, Greek Orthodox, New York, NY
Benediction: Sr. Catherine Pinkerton, Catholic, Cleveland, OH

Thursday, August 28
Invocation: Rabbi David Saperstein, Union for Reform Judaism, Washington, DC
Benediction: Pastor Joel Hunter, Evangelical, Northland, FL

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The Friday Playlist

Jesse Carey — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 09:58:30 GMT

Today I’m introducing a new segment to the Morning Five: The Friday Playlist. Every Friday, I’ll post a new rundown of songs for you to rock-out all weekend long with links to listen the songs and to purchase the album if you really dig it. (And remember, if you really want to support the artists, I encourage you to buy the album.)

Here’s what I’m listening to now …

Friday Playlist:

Dustin Kensrue – "I Knew You Before"

The Thrice frontman channels Johnny Cash on his first solo album Please Come Home. In the alt-country ballad "I Believe", Kensrue may abandon his punk rock roots, but the attitude remains. “I Believe” is a foot tapping Gospel revelation.

The link is to a YouTube fan video. The links will open new windows, so if you’re not into watching the video, you can always
minimize it and just listen to the song.

Listen Now

Buy Dustin Kensrue’s Please Come Home

Matt Redman – "You Never Let Go"

The latest single from the guy who has penned many of the songs that are now staples of evangelical church services is a super catchy, smart little pop song. And, as with the measure of many contemporary worship songs, it’s a fun tune to play and rearrange with your own worship team.

Listen Now

Buy Matt Redman’s Beautiful News

Sufjan Stevens – "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing"

The New York-based indie folk star has become a favorite among Christian and mainstream audiences alike with his eclectic banjo-plucking style. Don’t expect traditional pop sounds with Sufjan though: the singer is known for artsy bedroom recordings and unique arrangements. This hymn is actually from one of his Christmas mixtapes which were originally recorded to give out gifts to friends and family. Thankfully, he decided to give us all the gift. Here’s a link to another really cool fan video for the song:

Listen Now

Buy Sufjan Stevens’ Songs for Christmas

Needtobreathe – "Washed by the Water"

The boys from South Carolina came into their own on their sophomore album The Heat. On their single “Washed by the Water” Needtobreathe cast aside pop convention for a heavy dose of Southern soul.

Listen Now

Buy Needtobreathe’s The Heat

The Glorious Unseen – “Close to Your Heart”

Not your typical “worship band”, The Glorious Unseen combine layered, stripped down melodies with indie rock sensibilities. “Close to Your Heart” is a slow burning jam that isn’t afraid to take to time to build.

Listen Now

Buy The Glorious Unseen’s Tonight the Star’s Speak

Future of Forestry – "Open Wide"

The San Diego band, which was formed from the ashes of California-based Flood Church house band Something Like Silas, use walls of guitars, soaring vocals and a kinetic sound on the driving single “Open Wide”.

Listen Now

Buy The Future of Forestry’s Twilight

Jon Foreman - "Behind Your Eyes"

As part the Switchfoot frontman’s four-part solo album release (each one based on a different season), “Winter” is a fun, guitar-picking love song. Roll the windows down and enjoy this breezy little song from truly talented songwriter. The link is to a YouTube fan video:

Listen Now

Buy Jon Foreman’s Winter E.P.

Keeping Kids Healthy

Julia Havey — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:06:28 GMT

It’s mid-August and you know what that means—Back to School!

Believe it or not, even in the high-fat high-calorie “convenience” food cafeterias, fast food, vending machine world that our schools have become, parents can protect their children from the daily temptations with a little planning. The school may publish a healthy menu, but realistically children often choose to go through an alternative line and purchase more fattening options such as pizza, burgers and fries. Children are bombarded with marketing messages and are vulnerable to choosing foods that may contribute to long-term weight-control struggles. Take the guess work out of it and make health the only option for your child. With proper planning and some creativity, even the busiest parents can help their children make healthier choices.

According to statistics from the Centers for Disease Control, about 35 percent of all American children and adolescents are overweight, an alarming 25 percent increase over 10 years ago. Although the problem is a complex one, obesity puts children at an increased risk of high blood pressure, higher cholesterol and blood lipid (fat) levels, and Type II diabetes (your Grandmother’s generation referred to it as "adult-onset”).

Sad reality is that Obesity is making many health conditions that were once “adult” diseases part of childhood. Tragically, we have 17-year olds who should be thinking about trying out for cheerleading, what to wear to homecoming or what colleges they should apply to being rushed to Emergency Rooms because of a heart attack—at 17!

We have to take action. Dr. David L. Katz recently sounded this alarm: “Continuing on the path that we are on, this generation is not expected to live as long as their parents generation.”

We can’t continue on that path. It just isn’t realistic anymore to send your precious child off to school and assume that they going to be able to provide busing, Physical Education, sports teams, music programs, teacher salaries AND serve a healthy and nutritious lunch given their already thinly stretched budgets.

YOU have to ensure that your child gets healthy meal each and every meal. Think about breakfast, lunch and dinner options as you plan your weekly shopping so that you can have nutritious ingredients handy.

Buy whole grain, fiber dense bread and pack sandwiches with tomato, lettuce, lean meat and low-fat cheese.

Beverages also can be packed with sugar and calories. Sodas and juice drinks add hundreds of calories without providing any nutritional value and many of the juice-type beverages parents buy thinking they are a healthy option contain high amounts of fructose corn syrup and only minimal amounts of fruit juice. Buy the mini-bottles of water and pack it in their lunch bag. Encouraging proper water consumption will help set them up for a life of health.

Hold the chips! A lunch doesn’t have to include Doritos to show you care! I put sliced carrots (they actually sell them cut w/ ridges and looking just like Ruffles potato chips!), mini carrots, sliced pickles, peppers and other veggies in my children’s lunch.

Every lunch we pack the kids always has a fresh piece of fruit in it; bananas, a bunch of grapes, watermelon cut with a melon-baller, we peel the oranges, slice the apples wrapping them in plastic wrap and then aluminum foil to prevent browning and to make it so easy to eat they have no excuse NOT to do so! (Kids are tricky, remember take away any potential unhealthy choice!)

Occasionally I will add a treat such a low-fat pudding or healthier home-made cookies. When ever I bake, I use MoreFiber (www.NuNaturals.com ) and Stevia instead of sugar. I have been doing this for about a year and no one has caught me yet! The cookies are just as sweet and so much better for the kids. Email me at Julia at JuliaHavey dot com if you want my recipe!

Finally, the bus. I most often walked to school or rode my bike when I was a kid—and I still grew up to have a weight problem. Today kids are bussed to school, driven in the minivan with Sponge Bob playing in the back seat. Kids have it pretty easy and pretty sedentary today. Many schools don’t offer P.E. anymore and those that do, it’s not nearly enough to fight the environment of fat we life in. Get your kids signed up for sports teams after school, ballet or gymnastics class, get them a shiny new bike and throw away the motorized scooter. Make a rule that the TV or computer games are limited to 30 minutes a day; no, it won’t kill them. A friend of mine doesn’t have a TV in her home. She is the most productive woman I know, she is a doctor and runs two health related businesses on the side, she literally gets more done in a day than most people do in a week. She is also a mother who has raised 3 brilliant children, all of whom are National Merit Scholars and got full-ride scholarships to the colleges of their choice! And she could afford tuition to any of those schools. NO TV! My son would be very upset with me if I dared ban it totally but it has served us well when we limit it. There is a direct correlation between what we DO and what we become, our bodies included.

Here’s what I have for you:

Get your children on Juice Plus+ Garden and Orchard chewables or capsules, unless they are eating 7-9 servings a day (1/2 cup of raw) fresh fruits and vegetables a day, they need to take Juice Plus+.

What it will do for you and for them, is to ensure that they get more of the nutrients found in the whole foods. We need these nutrients to prevent sickness and disease. Make sure you feeding them more fresh fruits and vegetables, and Juice Plus+.

Go to www.JPSupplement.com and get it today so that you can include their chewables in their diet each day!

The source for Obesity solutions
Julia Havey
http://www.JuliaHavey.com

Vacation = Getting Away from It All?

Nicole Harris — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 15:11:25 GMT

Well, we’re back from vacation, and boy I’m exhausted! We went to the beach for a week and, as usual, things did not quite go as planned.

Have you ever tried sharing a room with an 18 month old?

It’s practically impossible if you ask me. During the middle of the night, our son pops his normally adorable little head up at the foot of our bed, awake and ready to party. Staring at him I could only think of the good old game “Whack a Mole” when the little heads pop up continuously and you have to whack them with a rubber mallet. Only, where was my rubber mallet? So, you guessed it, NO sleep.

We did go for a wonderful walk one evening with the girls. We thought we’d walk to the pier and back. Ambitious yes, but what the hey! As we closed in on the pier, we spotted a large object partially covered by a tarp. It was a beached whale. Not me, an ACTUAL beached whale! Never in my life have I seen such a thing. You can’t truly appreciate how enormous these creatures are until you’ve seen one up close.

The next day, several others decided to walk down to see it as well, taking with them my oldest daughter. Big mistake. Parks and recreation were completing an autopsy by this time, right on the beach. Talk about timing! My daughter saw Biology 101 in action and did not appreciate it whatsoever. Of course, the specialists make sure to mention that it was a baby whale who was separated from its mother. All the while, they were hacking into the poor animal. Perfect.

We recovered a few days later and walked to the pier again to watch some fireworks. It was an amazing show that lasted quite a while. It amazed my daughters and they were thrilled to be there. Walking home, the four blocks felt more like forty. Amongst the huge crowd of visitors, my youngest daughter shouts “Mo-om! My butt’s itchin’ up a storm! Can you scrub it for me when we get home?”

You gotta love parenthood. It’s exhausting and quite often hugely embarrassing, but what a blessing.

Do you have any “oh, my gosh” mom moments to share? Please do.

The Controlling Woman

Dr. David Hawkins — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 13:22:43 GMT

When it comes to issues of control, we most often think about men being the controllers and women being the victims of that control. While I believe that men are often guilty of being controlling, I receive many emails from men who feel controlled by their mates.

Are these isolated examples of controlling women, or are there more cases than we might want to admit? It’s a topic that is understandably uncomfortable because it flies in the face of our gender stereotypes—men being more dominant and women being more passive.

While I’m not prepared to offer any generalizations on the topic, I do want to respond to some of the emails I receive from men who feel their mate has issues with control. I’ve received many responses from my book, Dealing With the CrazyMakers in Your Life, where I outline traits of Control Freaks.

Let’s review some of the traits of the Control Freak:

• Black and white thinking
• Control of conversation
• Must be “right”
• Attempt to prove you wrong
• Rewrite history to make their point
• Use of intimidation
• Rigid
• Coercion and forced agreements
• Shaming

Control Freaks are not only domineering, but tenacious as well. They are like a bulldog with a bone—there is absolutely no way you will dissuade them from their point of view. Any attempt to do so will only lead to frustration on your part. They are relentless, narrowly focused, and doggedly determined.

We might expect a man to have these characteristics. But, what if these traits fit a woman? Is it even possible for a woman to have these traits?

Consider this email message from one woman:

Dr. David,
I read your article about the Control Freak and I noticed that a lot of what you wrote was me! Now I am worried that I have caused my husband to shut down when it comes to his feelings and point-of-view. When trying to figure out where this destructive behavior stems from it seems that I grew up in an environment with the same type of behavior. How can I reverse this, so that my husband can feel comfortable and open with me?
---Recovering Control Freak

Dear Recovering,

I am impressed that you are taking responsibility for behaviors that are destructive to both you and your marriage. You notice, appropriately, that your controlling behavior has probably caused your husband to shut down emotionally. In fact, controlling behavior and attitudes will do just that—cause others to feel unsafe in our presence. They will hold back from sharing their feelings and opinions because those feelings and opinions will not be safe from judgment, and no one wants to be judged.

What can you do now? You have taken a huge first step by acknowledging the behavior. While it may be important to understand where you learned such behaviors, it’s more important that you practice reversing thse patterns—what I call pattern interruption.

Practice the opposite of controlling behavior, which is accepting attitudes and behavior. Share your sincere apology with your husband and let him know you are endeavoring to be more accepting, tolerant and filled with grace. Encourage him to tell you when you step across his boundaries, and create a space in your relationship for forgiveness and growth.

Are there other women who believe they have been controlling? What have you done to rectify the situation?

The Limits of Speech

Jesse Carey — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 09:24:01 GMT

With the Olympics kicking off this weekend in China, much of the focus is on the restrictions being placed on the athletes and what they are not allowed to say while staying at the Olympic Village. And in a country where religious speech is as closely guarded as political talk, that means athletes will be legally limited as to what they can say while in the country.

According to this article in The Washington Post, some Christian athletes still plan on kneeling for prayer, raising their hands and expressing their faith in other ways during competition, but they may also be walking a fine line when it comes what China will allow. One runner for New Zealand, who became a Christian after moving to the United States, was told to sign a pledge that demanded him “to refrain from any political, religious or other forms of discussion at events or in the Olympic Village or risk harm from the New Zealand Olympic Committee."

I know the Olympics are a great expression of world unity, and it’s always inspiring to see nations lay aside their differences and compete in athletic events—but what duty do Christians have to express their faith?

I could never speak for an athlete, and I have nothing but respect and admiration for those representing their countries in Beijing, but for the individual believer, it does raise some interesting personal questions about faith, speech, expression and civil unity.

What do you think? Should athletes keep their faith to themselves on the corporate stage in Beijing, or should they express it openly even if it means risking an international conflict? Comment below ...

When Someone You Love is Gay

Sydney Johnson — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 15:43:46 GMT

How do we do this and not compromise our morals? How do we love others struggling with say alcohol, anger, gossip, pre-marital sex, pornography and the list goes on. Is loving someone struggling with same sex attractions any different? We seem to do okay with loving others with “regular” sins, but for some reason we think loving the homosexual sends the message that their sin is okay. First thing we have to do is see the person separate from their sin. We are to love the one struggling unconditionally. Ask God to help you see them as He sees them and then pray without ceasing for that person.

Pray for opportunities to talk about Jesus and how much He loves them. Do not focus on their homosexuality, but keep drawing them to Jesus by the example of your life with God. Show them a relationship with the Lord Almighty they will want. It is not our jobs to save them and set them free, but it is our responsibility to love them to Jesus. The pressure is on God to do the rest.

Some sins have consequences that are more serious than others, but ALL sin separates us from God. Romans 3:23 says “…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…” Homosexuality seems worse than hatred, but both hurt our relationship with God. The consequences are more serious for homosexuality, but they are both sin. If you are having trouble loving people struggling with this sin, give God your heart and ask Him to soften it. Read I Corinthians Chapter 13 on love. Substitute the word God in for love and listen to how it reads. Stanton Jones of Wheaton College said this: “If you cannot empathize with the homosexual person because of fear of, or revulsion to them, then you are failing our Lord.”

For me, I just wanted to be loved unconditionally. I needed to be loved just the way I was. I was so afraid of rejection that I could not tell anybody of my struggle. Eventually my unwanted desires grew so strong that I gave into them. Then I started thinking my sin was not so bad after all. When we keep giving into sin, it becomes like our favorite pair of worn jeans—the more you wear them, the more comfortable they become. But God kept gently touching my heart. He has given us a wonderful gift of free will. I had to make a decision to respond to His love by reaching out for help, or I could just keep living my lifestyle the way I was and make it seem right. See, it was Jesus’ love through others that brought me back.

Sometimes love boundaries will have to be set. For example, if you have a friend who asks you to buy a 12 pack of beer and they struggle with alcoholism, you would tell them you love them, but you would not buy the beer. Let’s look at a situation involving homosexuality. Say your sister is having a civil union ceremony with her partner and you are invited.

How would you lovingly set a boundary that does not compromise truth? Sis, I love you very much, but you know I do not believe this is the best Jesus has for your life. I will not be attending your ceremony, but I would love for us to go to lunch next week.

There are numbers of different situations that can occur. Pray. Ask for wisdom and discernment from Christian friends, but most of all set the boundaries in love. If you have any situations you want to talk about, please feel free to blog.

God bless you all!

Redeemed,

Sydney Johnson

Welcome to My Life

Nicole Harris — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 14:27:06 GMT

My oldest daughter Bayley, appears to be following in my high-heeled footsteps. She is a true shoe fanatic! I could not be more proud. She has been trying every pair of shoes in my closet; some of them are absolute break-neck height. She prances around my room with great pride, if little grace. She then lets my unsuspecting husband know that “my shirt keeps slipping down in the front and shows my pimples.” There is a blue streak behind him as he quickly retreats to his “happy place” -- the garage.

My middle daughter, Sydney, manages extraordinary feats in the bathroom. She comes out and triumphantly shouts “come and look at what I just did! You’ve GOT to see this! Daddy, can you take a picture?” I can’t help but notice the expression of pride on daddy’s face as he (unbelievably) gets up and retrieves the camera! Yes folks, this is my life. :sigh: I am sure in the future the boys will be lining up.

My son Charles, affectionately known as Chuck-a-saur-us, is in constant motion around the battened-down living room. Well, it was once was a living room and now has succumbed to being a playroom. I notice an “odd” smell coming from his diaper. OK, it’s almost bath time so I’ll just clean him up and let him have a little ‘commando’ time. It’s supposedly good for them to ‘air out the undercarriage’ from time to time and reduce diaper rash. Whoever suggested this obviously hasn’t tried it on one of their children. Mine becomes a fire hydrant of urine and decides that the couch needs a good wash of his making. Terrific! This is why there is nothing nice in this house. What is the point??

Finally, everyone is in bed. It is my happy time. I do a little reading and relaxing and begin to drift off. I am quickly wakened not long into my precious, much-needed slumber, to be clubbed by one of my husband’s enormous paws as he rolls over and gives me a good dose of his night-time mouth-breathing chorus. You know what they say: I’ll sleep when I’m dead! Then I drift off once more happily counting all of the blessings that surround me, all tucked in safe and sound. God is good.

~ Nicole

Anglican Archbishop: 'No' to Gay Bishops... for Now

Craig von Buseck — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 16:05:56 GMT

The spiritual leader of the world's Anglicans urged church leaders Sunday not to consecrate any other gay bishops, for now. The Associate Press reports on the speech by Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, as he ended a once-a-decade Anglican assembly that was dedicated to preventing schism in the troubled fellowship.

In his final speech at the Lambeth Conference, Archbishop Williams said the Anglican Communion needs "space for study and free discussion without pressure" about whether to accept changes in the traditional biblical understanding of same-sex relationships.

"A fellow Christian may believe they have a profound fresh insight. They seek to persuade others about it. A healthy church gives space for such exchanges," he told the 650 bishops at the meeting in Canterbury, England. "But the Christian with the new insight can't claim straight away that this is now what the Church of God believes or intends."

The 77-million-member Anglican Communion has been splintering since 2003, when the U.S. Episcopal Church consecrated the first openly gay bishop, V. Gene Robinson of New Hampshire.

Williams barred Robinson and a few other bishops from the assembly, and designed the event without legislation or votes, instead focusing on rebuilding frayed relationships.

Still, more than 200 theologically conservative bishops boycotted Lambeth, which ran for 20 days. In June, just before Lambeth began, these same bishops formed a new global network within the communion that challenges Williams' authority but stops just short of a permanent split.

Williams does not have the authority to force any agreement among the conflicted groups. The 38 Anglican national churches, including the U.S. Episcopal Church, are self-governed and loosely connected by shared roots in the missionary work of the Church of England.

But the bishops at Lambeth said Sunday in a statement that they called their "reflections" on the meeting that "there is widespread support across the communion" for an extended moratorium on gay bishops and on blessing ceremonies for same-gender couples.

Williams and the bishops also indicated support for an extended moratorium on church leaders taking oversight of breakaway parishes in an Anglican territory that is not their own.

Since Robinson was consecrated, conservative Anglican leaders from Nigeria, Uganda, Kenya and elsewhere have taken authority for seceding Episcopal parishes in the U.S.

Although the exact figure is in dispute, Episcopal officials say that fewer than 100 of the more than 7,000 U.S. Episcopal parishes have voted to split off.

Still, the entire Diocese of San Joaquin, based in Fresno, California, voted to withdraw from the denomination and align with another Anglican province, sparking a lawsuit. The Dioceses of Pittsburgh and Fort Worth, Texas, are poised to vote on whether to break away this fall.

Robinson traveled to Canterbury even though he wasn't invited, trying to meet with overseas bishops and be what he called a "constant and friendly" reminder of gays in the church.

On Sunday, the advocacy group Integrity, which represents gay and lesbian Episcopalians, said in a statement that "there is no theological defense for sacrificing a minority of the baptized" for the sake of unity.

The bishops did discuss a proposed global covenant that would set some requirements for membership in the communion. Williams said Sunday he plans to convene a meeting of the 38 Anglican national leaders, or primates, early next year. But it could be years before any agreement on a covenant is reached.

"We may not have put an end to all our problems," Williams said, "but the pieces are on the board."

Lambeth Conference: http://www.lambethconference.org/index.cfm

Hijacked: A Bible Believing Episcopal Priest Takes a Stand

The Devil in Disguise

Pat Robertson Responds to the Episcopal Church Homosexual Controversy

Related ChurchWatch blogs:

Gay Marriage Battle in California & Anglican Church

Anglican World Leader Says that Conservatives Are Misreading Passages on Homosexuality

Episcopal Civil War

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Archbishop Urges Ban on Gay Bishops

Anglicans Call for a New Leadership Body

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Balance Pleasing Others and Yourself

Dr. David Hawkins — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 15:02:06 GMT

Many seem to feel the freedom to tell us what we ought to think, how we ought to behave and even what we ought to feel. They know what’s best for us and exactly how we should live our lives.

These people are not evil, and I doubt that they have bad intentions. They are our sisters, brothers, mothers and fathers, neighbors and sit next to us in church. Having questionable boundaries, and believing they have special insight into our lives, they share freely with us.

Unfortunately, our boundaries are often no better. Being confused, we allow people to overly influence our decisions. We want their approval, and in some cases are desperate for it. We live from the outside in, according to other’s expectations, rather than from the inside out, according to our authenticity.

Living codependently, our minds get muddled. We become more confused about what we think, feel and want.

Sometimes we even feel guilty tuning into our own desires, feeling selfish for having them. Hearing so many voices, we can’t distinguish those coming from ourselves, others or God. Simply put, there are too many people in our heads.

A recent email summarized many of these issues:

Dr. Hawkins,
Your comments on people pleasing and living from the inside out stirred me. Your book, “When Pleasing Others is Hurting You” has challenged me. I am growing away from being a people pleaser, but it is painful changing your MO…at times. Thank God for the Holy Spirit.

Growing up my parents fought every day of their marriage, and moving many times in several years while living with my family does not exactly create an emotionally stable situation. But, being the oldest of 4 siblings I learned to cope and hide my feelings…we had no feelings or opinions growing up. My Dad had all the opinions, and believed he knew every thing. And, was a very critical person toward my Mom, outsiders and generally everything.

My question: What do you mean by “living from the inside out rather than the outside in"? When do you know you’re out of balance when serving others versus people pleasing?
---Confused

Dear Confused,

You are part of a huge number of people who were raised just like you—to please others. You were raised to keep quiet, watch out for conflict and protect yourself, because no one was going to protect you.

Tragically, like many others, you weren’t taught that you were a precious child of God’s, One who knew you and loved you even while you were in your mother’s womb. (Psalm 137) You weren’t taught how to keep yourself safe, or how to honor your feelings and thoughts. Instead, you survived by tuning into others and learning to be sensitive to feelings outside yourself.

Recovering from codependency is much harder than it first appears. If you’ve lived a long time silencing your own thoughts and feelings, bringing them back to life can be a difficult task. Honoring your individuality and authenticity can be a daunting prospect—but it is possible.

There are several steps to recovering from people pleasing:

One, practice listening to your own thoughts and feelings. Make a point of acknowledging your feelings, remembering that God created us with feelings, and they are legitimate ways of perceiving what is happening in our life. Feelings are e-motions---energy in motion—and can be harnessed to help us make decisions. (See my book, The Power of Emotional Decisionmaking.)

Two, share your thoughts and feelings with others. Practice sharing your thoughts about things. Practice saying ‘yes’ and ‘no,’ or even ‘I disagree’ or ‘I agree with you.’ These simple practices will strengthen your individuality.

Three, practice being in prayer. Your relationship with God is a powerful way to know what is right and true in your life. Listen to the voice of God, and what God has to say to you on matters in your life.

Four, set boundaries. Don’t allow others to tell you what to think, how to feel or what to do. While you want to respect others, and live in harmony with them, this does not mean you have to be a clone of them or allow others to rule your life.

Fifth, respect others as well as yourself. Practice respecting other’s boundaries. Don’t tell others what to think, how to feel or what to do. Allow them the integrity to make their own decisions, offering counsel only when invited to give it.
Finally, don’t be confused about people pleasing. We’re never called to please others. We are called to be at peace with others, to encourage and respect them and to show them honor. We are not called to compromise our values in order to get their approval.

I’d like to hear from others who are trying to set healthy boundaries. How are you doing with it? What are the challenges and what are the benefits?

TheCall DC Seeks 1000 Volunteers; C.S. Lewis' Home a Historical Landmark

Craig von Buseck — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 14:42:34 GMT

At the Call on 7-7-07, 70,000 people stood silently in Titan's Stadium with LIFE tape over their mouths as they prayed for the ending of abortion.

Bound4LIFE, a pro-life volunteer organization, has declared that "the LIFE tape subpoenas the conscience of the nation."

In just a few short weeks on 8-16-08, hundreds of thousands of people will once again gather, this time to the National Mall for TheCall DC, to pray for the ending of abortion and for a national awakening. This national gathering of prayer warriors will run from 10 AM to 10 PM. During this time of prayer, participants will once again stand with LIFE tape over their mouths.

Bound4LIFE needs your help to make this possible. Will you be one of the 1,000 volunteers making LIFE tape at TheCall for what will be our largest Silent Siege yet? You can turn one roll of red tape into 300 pieces of LIFE tape to hand out to the crowd around you.

TheCall DC and Bound4LIFE need you to volunteer NOW for this huge endeavor. If you'd like to order a roll of tape, fill out the online order form. You'll need to order your tape no later than 07/31 to receive it on time.

Obama, Gun Giveaways, Rudy, Rocky, Rugby and More ...

Jesse Carey — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 10:55:51 GMT

A Note on “The Note”
Barack Obama’s visit to the Middle East made some big headlines, but was almost overshadowed by a “prank” from a student who took the Democratic presidential candidate’s prayer note out of the Western Wall in Israel. The prayer, in which Obama asked for guidance and forgiveness, was publish across the Internet. Of course, its publication drew criticism for violating the unspoken code of sacred privacy that goes along with placing prayers in the Western Wall. The student has issued an apology and the prayer note has been returned to the Western Wall.

A Rootin’ Shootin’ Good Time!
A Church in Oklahoma has canceled a giveaway contest, where one lucky conference attendee would win a free semi-automatic assault rifle! The contest was aimed (no pun intended) at attracting teens to a youth conference. Though the gun giveaway has been canceled for this year’s event due to a staff member not being able to attend, the giveaway will take place at next year’s gala.

In fairness, the church did feature a video of a shooting competition, and we’re assuming the contest was completely legal and relatively safe (considering they are giving away a gun to a teenager). But even if it is being used for a sporting cause, giving a semi-automatic assault rifle to a teenager, doesn’t strike me as the best PR move.

Leeland Laughs
I’m a huge fan of the band Leeland. Their latest album Opposite Way is one of my favorite records of 2007, and they are truly progressive in their hybrid pop/worship sound. Great songwriting and a great sound.

Another reason to love the band, is they don’t take themselves too serious.

At their website, Leelandonline.com, the guys have released a series of “About Leeland” videos, where each member explains a little bit about themselves. And I can honestly say, they are downright hilarious.

This is why Leeland is a great band—they’re not afraid to take some risks and have a little fun, and that attitude translates on their album.

From Rudy to Rocky
Looking for some inspirational viewing this summer? Beliefnet has posted their list of the "Top 20 Inspirational Sports Movies." The Karate Kid, Cinderella Man, Rudy and Hoosiers all made the list—curiously absent from the rundown: the 1996 Shaquille O’Neal classic Kazaam.

Truly Inspiring
Speaking of inspirational sports stories, ABC’s Nightline has posted this story about how communities in Los Angeles are setting up rugby leagues that offer young people an alternative gang life. Proponents of the program say it is a way to disarm racial tensions and get young men plugged into a productive outlet.

Here are some quotes from some of the guys playing in the rugby league: "Most of us would be dragged into gangs or influenced. Instead of being out there on the streets like the gangs are doing, we're here playing rugby." "It's the best feeling ever. I let a lot of my anger out — a lot." "It don't matter what race you are. We're just here to play."

I think this is a message that churches need to hear. Whether they are churches in areas that are facing issues with teen violence and gang activity, or are just looking for a way to plug people in to a cool outreach, organized sports can be life-changing.

When I lived in Florida, I played in a church-sponsored football league that got guys from all over the city—from completely different backgrounds—to meet and hang out every Sunday to play football. Calvary Assembly even had a staff member whose primary job it was to organize and promote their sports league.

Ministry programs, teaching series and traditional outreaches are great, but investing in communities with things like sports programs is a truly worthwhile idea.